Akasha's blog: "Darkness"

I've told you before Exactly what's been going on It's not my fault I can't talk about it It's not my fault I feel this way I can't open up I need to feel free But I am smothered I need space I need someone I need a lot I need nothing I want everything I want nothing I want no one I want everyone I can't take this anymore I stand here alone Looking back Where was I? Where were you.... I stand here now The flames gather and flash about me I look ahead and see no one I look behind me and see nothing I run toward the flame that will be my home This hell is my home This hell is my only solitude I feel safe. I feel scared So where were you? Where was I? This is all just the madness within What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I push you away? Why do I want you so close. I'm a failure. So get away from me while you have the chance. Don't get swept up in my madness. What the fuck is wrong with me? Where was I? But where were YOU?!

I look into the shadows and see you sitting there. See you with your knife slowly sharpening. I look at your face and see an expression That is mine. I stand there waiting for you to get up. You finally stand and I run. I hear your footsteps behind me. I run up the stairs and out the door. Into the blistering cold I fly. I look around for someplace to hide. I feel the sting of your blade on my back And I run to the left. Without thinking I run into the street. I don't dare look behind me. I can hear you breathing behind me. I can smell the liquor on your breath. I can see your bloodshot eyes. I can feel your touch on my skin And I get sick. I finally fall to the ground unable to run Any farther. I see your shadow. I look around and I don't know where I am. I know if I scream no one will hear. No one cares. I turn to face my doom. I turn my face up to you. Hatred in my eyes. I look up........ And I see Myself.

This is an excerpt from the play Macbeth.... What do you expect from a theatre person??? Round about the cauldron go: In the poison'd entrails throw. Toad, that under cold stone Days and nights hath thirty one Swelter'd venom sleeping got, Boil thou first i' the charmed pot. Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble. Fillet of a fenny snake, In the cauldron boil and bake; Eye of newt and toe of frog, Wool of bat and tongue of dog, Adder's fork an blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg and howlet's wing, For a charm of powerful trouble, Like a hell-broth boil and bubble. Double, double toil and trouble, Fire burn and cauldron bubble. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

The voice snapped me back into reality. We have to move on, we can't stay here. I nodded in agreement. Why is he telling me things I already know? We walked along in silence. The breeze blew softly through the darkness. Tension running high, wondering what would happen next. I remembered the boy, how afraid he had looked. He's dead he's dead. I looked over by the tree line and saw something. I stopped and tried to grasp the thought of what it was. It couldn't be. It looked like the boy. It wasn't, it couldn't be. He's dead he's dead. The man beside me stopped and looked where I was looking. He saw nothing. He pulled me gently, willing me to move. As we walked, so did the boy . . . Down the road we walk hoping to get the bastards that killed Garrett. The boy walked slowly, but surely beside us. We walked to our own beat, following a road that led nowhere. The pain and anger was rising inside both of us. The coldness of the night chilled me to the bone. The clouds passed over the moon, leaving us in darkness. Another burst of cold air surged past us. I knew bad things were coming our way. I turned around sharply to face the boy, but came face to face with myself. A gasp escaped my lips. The man beside me grabbed my arm when the lights fell upon us . . . We stared into the lights and then jumped into the woods. The car screeched to a halt and men got out. I pulled at the man beside me, already starting to run. We ran with then men at our heels. I looked to my side and saw the boy running beside me. I gasped and started to run faster. The boy told me to jump; I did, while the man beside me tripped on a log. He quickly got up and ran once again. I looked over my shoulder and glanced at the men. I turned back and noticed the fence then sharply turned around once we hit it. There was nowhere to go. The boy had disappeared. The men surrounded us and I noticed the boy behind them. I closed my eyes, held my breath, and when I opened them, the men laid on the ground with blood pooling around them. The man beside me looked very pale. He looked at me and I noticed the boy behind him. The boy smiled, waved a knife and raised it as to plunge it into the man. My cry filled the air, and the boy was gone. I was left once again to wallow in my deepest thoughts. As we walked out of the forest together, I tried to think of what could have happened. Maybe he shot them all. No, I would have heard the shots. Maybe he stabbed them. No, he would have been full of blood. Maybe . . . I did it. When we got to the road we turned different ways both walking briskly. I turned to look in a window of a nearby house and saw my refection. I saw the boy behind me with the knife. He waved it at me and disappeared once again. I looked all around me and saw that the man had stopped. I looked closer and noticed the boy in front of him. I started to run, calling his name, "Jesse, Jesse!" He was backing up slowly, away from the boy. He blinked a couple times more as I was at his side. "I shot you," he said, "I saw you die. I know that you’re dead." The boy smiled an evil grin and waved the knife once more, then disappeared. He looked at me with questioning eyes, knowing that she knew. He asked me to tell him what I knew. I sat down on a fallen tree and sighed deeply, then proceeded to tell him. I knew Garrett was going to die. That was why we had to get there quickly. I still didn't know the details, but they get clearer every night. I just wanted this to all go away. He looked down at me in disgust. He then had to turn away from me. I looked down at my hands, tears rolling down my cheeks, and noticed blood. I wondered what was happening to me? Who was going to die now? He turned to face me. He sharply asked me what I saw. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes and breathlessly told him I was going to kill someone. He turned around once more and fell to his knees, leaving me to my disturbed thoughts once more . . .

The rancid smell of vomit filled the cool night air. Walking silently side by side through the dark. A young boy followed us his hands and feet bound by chain. The man beside me laughed and pulled the chains, knocking the boy to the ground. The boy vomited once more. I looked at the young child with growing suspicion. He looked up at me with pleading eyes. I whispered something to the man beside me, knelt before the boy and brushed the hair out of his face. I looked deeply into his eyes, into his very soul. The more I looked, the more I saw. The more I saw, the more I got scared. I looked up at the man and he knew. I slowly got to my feet and walked away. As I walked I heard the boy scream. I held my jacket closer to me as gunshots were fired. The screaming ceased and I was left walking with a man I thought I knew. Wondering what would happen around the next bend.

When all is said and done At then end of every day Theres nothing I like better Then to talk to you. You carry me through The bad days Pick me up on the good ones Make me feel whole. The rain comes down And you are my shelter. I look up to you I am afraid of love But with you it comes so easy. I protect myself But give you my heart willingly You are the one I can feel it. I love you more than you can ever know.

PORTRAIT A child draws the outline of a body. She draws what she can, But it is white all through, She cannot fill in what she knows is there. Within the unsupported line, she knows That life is missing; She has cut one background from another. Like a child, She turns to her mother. And you draw the heart Against the emptiness she has created. Louise Gluck

DREAMS Hold fast to dreams For if dreams die Life is a broken winged bird That cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams For when dreams go Life is a barren field Frozen with snow. Langston Hughes

I feel like I'm nothing. Nothing at all Except your life support. That's it Through and through. You use me And I stand it I'm a doormat to all. You're the one who needs to go That's it You make fun of my things I'm not the one You need to go I can't say no So you use me so I can't find the words To tell how I feel. You need to leave now I've had it I'm done You complain too much That's it. Your supposed to be gone. I've finally found my voice I'm gonna sing it loud. You better get out And leave right now. That's it. I'm through. No more goodbyes No more tears I'm not going to be here anymore. I'm done being used Done being you Done being everything you want You need to be gone That's it I'm through.

I close my eyes and I see you. I see you in your chair Dozing off. I see your sparkling Eyes smiling. I close my eyes And I hear your voice. I remember sitting in that chair Singing our songs. I remember holidays. I'll remember the one Without you. A tear runs down my cheek I'm choking back sobs. I can see you clear as day. Yet you're so far away. I'll love you always You'll always be here with me Always at my side. You'll be the wind in my hair The sun on my face The rain on my skin. Never turning away.