DifferenceMaker Make A Breakthrough's blog: "daily"

I hate not being sure. I'm sitting here reading 'industry' stuff - and I'm engaged and feeling passioniate about WHERE I can fall in that and WHAT I can contribute. Then I feel lonely because I don't know any other marketers. And even if I did, the worry that I'd be communicating ideas with other marketers is a major trust issue. I don't know what it will take for me to "break out of the box" but it needs to happen, I really just need to start earning some revenue, I've worked for little to nothing for years helping build people/ideas/companies, that it's time that I need to get compensated. I'm half frustrated and half hopeful. And almost spaced out because my father thinks spraypainting in the kitchen is a good idea and I've been exposed to this lack of air for two or three days now. XO, Bam

Valid to my journey now....it actually rediscovered me - I heard it mentioned on the View and it holds so much truth - The Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right, if I surrender to His will. That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next." Tomorrow is a new day afterall... XO, Bam

-Happy birthday dearest Tammy, she isn't reading this, but I love her and she's been one of the most amazing people in my life. -I had a important chat with a now friend about getting clarification on how to proceed to how I want things with the person I want to spend my future with. I'm currently taking her advice, and meditating, trying to channel the negative energy away from me and turn this around in a respectable way. Basically, I'm deciding to take the high road (the road I'm most familiar with) and try to build a clean slate with someone who may not like me like I've suspected. Regardless, I must this to get beyond the wall w/ the person I do care about, and I'm doing this on the operation that I care about her. If this other person isn't for real, stuff like that can't stay hidden. I'm just going to open up the door in a way I didn't think I was able and see if karma will reward me. I'm adopting a new mantra in the meantime..."not much longer." I'm eager for my rainbow and new start. xox, Bam

The song of the day for some reason for me is Machine Head by Bush: Breathe in, breathe out Breathe in, breathe out Breathe in Breathe in, breathe out Breathe in, breathe out Breathe in Tied to a wheel, my fingers got to feel Bleeding through it's arcane smile I spin on a whim, I slide to the right I felt you like electric light For our love, for our fear For our rise against the years and years and years Got a machinehead It's better than the rest Green to red, machinehead Got a machinehead It's better than the rest Green to red I walk from my machine I walk from my machine Breathe in, breathe out Breathe in, breathe out Breathe in Deaf, dumb and thirty, starting to deserve this Leaning on my conscience wall Blood is like wine, unconscious all the time If I had it all again I'd change it all Got a machinehead It's better than the rest Green to red, machinehead Got a machinehead

This is mostly about yesterday but the date is what it is. I'm having trouble sleeping tonight, I've got a lot of things on my mind. Things are heading in the right direction, it's going to be very busy the next few weeks. At the same time - I'm pushing myself very very hard with work. I'm always this way but I'm maxing out my energy all day to get my own goals - I just hope I can make myself have time for me. It's not easy right now. I think I will need a time out in Jan. I'm going to miss my close friends here when I move to where my parents want to go before I take the California move. I have been wanting to move for months now yet it's barely sinking in that I'm not going to see my close group of friends in Wilmington for much longer. Things are going well, but the one person I want to share my trials and joy with, I don't feel it's the right time yet. Out of all the things in my life, keeping love around me romantically is the hardest. I am being more patient than I have been in years though. ... I guess these successes are meant to share with my closest friends and to enjoy for myself. Cheers, Bam

Today has been a good, good day. We've been very due for one. I'm one step closer to being able to have a future of my own in California. My parents can get a new home in the new few months out of the beaches of NC. My great-grandfather is the reason for this ultimately and we have been blessed to still have him with us, since he is 96 years old. One step at a time but it feels great, a lot of hard work to still be done. Moving, packing, moving, planning, planning, planning. XO, Bam

the positives -I've gotten some Christmas shopping done today, probably the earlier I've ever shopped for Christmas before. Thank God for credit sometimes. -I kept a promise to myself today regarding a gift I created that I wanted to make two months ago - I'm glad that I'm able to go ahead and do it and I hope it will be viewed as a priceless thought. the negatives -A .com I wanted is taken for another year. Now I have to decide if I go with the simple .net or with a new name all together. I'm so disappointed but maybe something new will come out of it - maybe I can keep my plan or will have a even better name instead. Something I will be thinking about, the mission is not over ;). -My great-grandfather has been in the hospital for two long days - and will be for at least a week before he comes home to live with us. :( The positive? At least his stalker can't bother him (yeah you read right). Hopefully tomorrow will be better, considering everything that has happened, I'm somehow in strong, good spirits. I don't feel like I can get setback for too long. XOX, Bam