Angelus's blog: "Chazzy's"

On July 20, 1969, human beings from the planet Earth first walked on the moon.When you think about it, that is quite an achievement even to this day. The Wonderful World of Longmire would like to pay tribute to the crew of Apollo 11 on the 30th anniversary of this great event.This is the scenario: after a four-day journey from Earth, two American astronauts, Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin, are preparing to land the Lunar Module "Eagle" while the third astronaut, Michael Collins, remains in lunar orbit in "Columbia," the Command Module.

Everyone knows the "popular" version of what happened on that historic day... but the following is what really happened. We join the crew of Apollo 11 as they start their descent to the lunar surface...

MISSION CONTROL (HOUSTON): Eagle, you are go for lunar landing.

EAGLE (ARMSTRONG): Roger,understand.Go for landing.

EAGLE (ALDRIN):Altitude 4200

HOUSTON: We copy you at 4200 feet.

ARMSTRONG: Manual auto attitude control is good.

HOUSTON: Roger, copy.

ARMSTRONG: (mumbling to himself) Let's see... hmm... "Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today"... no, that's no good...

HOUSTON: What was that, Eagle? Repeat. Over.

ARMSTRONG: Disregard, Houston. 4000 feet.

HOUSTON: Roger. 4000 feet.

ARMSTRONG: "As I take this first step, I am reminded of the great Abraham Lincoln who once said"... crap, that's no good either. Damn...

HOUSTON: Huh? Over.

ARMSTRONG: "Klaatu verada nekto..." Nope, been said already.

ALDRIN: Houston, we are go at 3800 feet.

HOUSTON: Roger, Eagle. Understand go at 3800 feet.

ALDRIN: Neil?

ARMSTRONG: "Wake me up before you go-go?"... no... hmmm...

ALDRIN: NEIL!

ARMSTRONG: Yeah? What? I'm kinda busy right now, Buzz.

ALDRIN: Remember what we were talking about yesterday?

ARMSTRONG: Huh?

ALDRIN: You know...

ARMSTRONG: Oh yeah... that... my answer hasn't changed.

ALDRIN: Oh, come on.

ARMSTRONG: No. I'm still going out first.

ALDRIN: But I want to be first.

ARMSTRONG: No.

ALDRIN: Please?

ARMSTRONG: I said no.

HOUSTON: Eagle, what's going on up there?

ARMSTRONG: Nothing, Houston. Disregard. 3600 feet into the AGS. 47 degrees.

HOUSTON: Roger, Eagle.

ALDRIN: I'll give you my car...

ARMSTRONG: DAMMIT, BUZZ! I SAID NO AND I MEAN NO!

ALDRIN: I promise. It's a brand new Corvette.

ARMSTRONG: (silence)

ALDRIN: It's red...

ARMSTRONG: Has it got cup holders?

ALDRIN: Yes,and an eight-track tape deck.

ARMSTRONG: (silence)

ALDRIN: Well...?

ARMSTRONG: Uh...no... my answer's still no.

ALDRIN: Shit.

HOUSTON: Eagle,what's your status? Copy.

ALDRIN: Houston,Mr. Big Deal Commander says I can't go out first.

ARMSTRONG: Houston, disregard that. We're go at 3000 feet.

HOUSTON: Uh...right...Roger that, we copy, Eagle.

ARMSTRONG: Umm..."Call me Ishmael..." nah, no good..."I have a dream..." no...

COLLINS: Hey guys, this is Mike in the Command Module.

ALDRIN: We copy you, Mike. Go ahead.

COLLINS: How's it going?

ALDRIN: Well,pretty good except for...

ARMSTRONG: What do you need, Mike? I've kinda got my hands full here...

COLLINS: Oh yeah... have either of you guys seen my wallet?

HOUSTON: What the hell...?

COLLINS: I can't seem to find it anywhere.

ALDRIN: Neil took it.

COLLINS: He took my wallet?

ALDRIN: Yes, I saw him take it.

ARMSTRONG: (silence)

COLLINS: Neil, why the hell did you...

ARMSTRONG: (changing the subject) OK, Houston, we're looking good at 2400 feet. Hang tight, we're go.

HOUSTON: Roger,Eagle.

COLLINS: Man, I can't believe you'd take my wallet. I know you're the commander and all, but that doesn't give you the right to just take.... (garbled static)

HOUSTON: Eagle, Columbia has slipped behind the moon. Loss of radio contact with Columbia for 35 minutes.

ARMSTRONG: (sigh of relief) Roger, understand. We are at 2200 feet. Fuel is good.

HOUSTON: Roger that, Eagle. We copy fuel is looking good.

ARMSTRONG: "There once was a girl from Nantucket..." Damn! That's no good.

ALDRIN: You know, Neil, I already prepared some first words in case you changed your mind.

ARMSTRONG: Not now, Buzz... give me the readout on the... huh?...first words?.. really? What are they?

ALDRIN: "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

ARMSTRONG: Hey,that's pretty good. Hmmm.

ALDRIN: Little good it does me now, though. (sniff)

HOUSTON: Eagle, how does your radar look? Over.

ALDRIN: Roger, Houston, radar is locked on at 1800 feet and looking A-OK.

HOUSTON: We copy A-OK on radar. Understand you are still go at 1800 feet.

ALDRIN: Roger, we are go for final descent maneuvers. Activating attitude control thrusters.

HOUSTON: We copy you, Eagle.

ARMSTRONG: (thinking to himself) (Wow, I'm gonna be the first man on the moon. Broads, booze, new clothes, big bonus, around-the-world tour, a Bob Hope Special, ticker tape para...)

ALDRIN: HOLY MOTHER OF... WATCH OUT, NEIL!!!!!

WHAM! THUD! Ching, ching, ching, ching......

ARMSTRONG: TOMO EL DOS CONDRE LOS HOMBRES MUY SANCHOS!!!!

HOUSTON: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? YOUR TELEMETRY IS JUMPING OFF THE SCREEN DOWN HERE!!! EAGLE, DO YOU COPY?!!!!

ALDRIN: HOUSTON, NEIL JUST HIT THE RIM OF ONE BIG-ASSED CRATER! WE'VE GOT A 1201 ALARM. I REPEAT, WE'VE GOT A 1201 ALARM!

HOUSTON: ROGER.1201 ALARM. EAGLE, WHAT IS YOUR SITUATION?!!!

ALDRIN: NEIL, SNAP OUT OF IT! NEIL! ....HOUSTON, THIS IS THE LUNAR MODULE PILOT. I'M TAKING CONTROL OF THE...

ARMSTRONG: HEY!GET OFFA ME! GET BACK OVER TO YOUR SIDE OF THE....

ALDRIN: YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE GONNA GET US KILLED! YOU STUPID SON OF A...

ARMSTRONG: BACK OFF! (Armstrong punches Aldrin in stomach)

ALDRIN: Oooof!

HOUSTON: NEIL,BUZZ! WHAT IN HELL'S NAME IS...

ARMSTRONG: (gulp)Uh.. um.. Houston... heh, heh, heh,... uh, yeah...1201 alarm dismissed. Control regained. All systems nominal. Proceeding with landing. 1000 feet.

HOUSTON: Uh... right... we copy that, Eagle. Do you copy, Buzz?

ALDRIN: (wheezing) Copy... Houston.... ouch.

A strange sound is heard and a constant shuddering is felt:

Budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...

ARMSTRONG: What's that noise?

ALDRIN: You must have damaged something, jerk! ....ow.

HOUSTON: Eagle, we are reading a malfunction in the aft cooling system. Do you notice or hear anything unusual? Over.

ALDRIN: I can hear a...

ARMSTRONG: Shut it, Buzz! Uh...Houston, everything is on the money. (Staring intensely at Buzz) Yeah, everything is fine.We're at 800 feet.

...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...

HOUSTON: Copy that, Eagle. You're go for touchdown.

ARMSTRONG: Roger,Houston, go for touchdown.

...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...

ALDRIN: It's getting hot in here... I smell smoke.

...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...

ARMSTRONG: Entering final descent phase.

HOUSTON: Roger, Eagle. Columbia has come round from behind the moon. Reestablishing radio contact...

COLLINS: (garbled static gradually clearing up)...is my wallet. You just don't take a man's wallet, you know? It's just not right. My father used to tell me, Mike, a man's wallet is his....

HOUSTON: Mike,let's hold off on that for a bit, shall we? Eagle, go ahead.

ARMSTRONG: 750, coming down at 23. 700 feet, 21 down, 33 degrees, 600 feet, down at 19. 540 feet, down at 30, down at 15. 400 feet. down at 9. 8 forward.350, down at 4. 330, 3 1/2 down. We're pegged on horizontal velocity.300 feet, down 3 1/2. 47 forward. Got the shadow out there. Altitude velocity lights. 11 forward, coming down nicely...

...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...

ARMSTRONG: 200 feet, 160, things looking good... down a half. 6 forward.

HOUSTON: 30 seconds, Eagle.

...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...

ALDRIN: (starting to sing...) Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang...

ARMSTRONG: Lights on. Down 2/1/2. Picking up some dust... drifting to the right a little...

...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...

ALDRIN: High,low, everywhere we go, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, I love you...

ARMSTRONG: p>

...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...

ALDRIN: Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, my fine four-fendered friend...

ARMSTRONG: Contact light. OK, engine stop. Descent engine command overide, off. Engine arm, off...

ALDRIN: My... fine... four-fendered.... Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,Chitty Bang Bang... YEAH!

...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...chonk...budabum...whooooossssssssh.

(silence)

HOUSTON: We copy you down, Eagle.

ARMSTRONG: Houston, Chitty Chitty... I mean... Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed.

HOUSTON: Roger, Tranquility, we copy you on the ground. You've got a bunch of guys about to turn blue. We're breathing again. Thanks a lot.

With the landing successful, Neil and Buzz prepare for their excursion onto the lunar surface. Buzz has resigned himself to fact that he will be the second, not the first, man on the moon. He is in a sullen mood, to say the least. Two to three hours after the landing, Neil Armstrong opens the forward egress hatch and starts descending to the surface...

HOUSTON: OK, Neil, we can see you coming down the ladder now.

ALDRIN: Yeah, big deal.

ARMSTRONG: OK, I just checked - getting back up to that first step, Buzz, it's not even collapsed too far, but it's adequate to get back up. (he looks back up at Buzz, who is peering through the open hatch, flipping a gloved middle finger at him.)

ALDRIN: Whatever... can we go now?

ARMSTRONG: (mumbling) That's one small step for a man... one giant leap... OK...yeah, I got it.

ALDRIN: (thinking to himself) That lousy bastard's gonna steal my line!

ARMSTRONG: I'm at the foot of the ladder. The LM foot pads are only depressed in the surface about 1 or 2 inches. Although the surface appears to be very, very fine grained, as you get close to it, it's almost like a powder.

I'm going to step off the LM now...

(dramatic pause)

HOUSTON:Just a minute there, Neil.

ARMSTRONG: Huh?What? Now?!!!

HOUSTON: Uh... yeah... Neil, we've got a couple of police officers here with a warrant for your arrest... for the theft of a wallet belonging to a Mr. Michael Collins. I believe you know something about this....?

ALDRIN: HA!

ARMSTRONG: Hey,I'm on the friggin' moon here. Isn't this just a little bit out of their jurisdiction?

HOUSTON: Hang on, Neil. (muffled discussion) They say no, Neil.

ARMSTRONG: Can we deal with this later?

COLLINS: I'll drop the charges if you just give me my wallet back.

ARMSTRONG: OK, OK, I'll give you your damn wallet back. Jeez Louise.

HOUSTON: Wise choice, Neil.

ARMSTRONG: NOW, I'm going to step off the LM if it's OK with everybody.

HOUSTON: You're go with your foot, Neil

ALDRIN: Good luck, Neil, just remember that the entire world is watching right now, so don't MESS UP.

ARMSTRONG: Uh... yeah...right. OK, well... here goes.

(Armstrong places his left foot onto the lunar surface, the dramatic culmination of America's blood, sweat, and tears for most of a decade, the victory of the space race, and the realization of mankind's dream for milleniums to travel to and touch this strange, alluring object in the sky.)

ARMSTRONG: "That's one small stain for a man, one giant teat for landmines."

(silence)

ALDRIN: HA! LOSER!

ARMSTRONG: AHHHH! DAMMIT!

And there you have it... the true story of man's first moon landing. I'd like to dedicate this little parody to Buzz Aldrin. Hey Buzz, it's OK to be number 2. Really. We love you, man.;))

In memory of Jim Irwin, Alan Shepard, and Pete Conrad, moonwalkers who have taken that last giant leap.

It seems like Valentine's Day was about a billion years ago, but it was really only yesterday. What could possibly account fer this rift in time? It could be related to the fact that I have had an extraordinarily busy day. Or, it could have something to do with the fact that a wonderful person I've met here said something about her dream of a long-awaited soul partner from the Eastern country? (Well, obviously I'm from The East, well South East actually! LOL) I was overwhelmed, in a good way, of course! I suppose it really helps that I have been working basically full time hours recently and live all by meself!
Who knows what next Valentine's Day will bring? Perhaps I will be in a serious relationship by then. But then again, perhaps not. Perhaps I will have to take advantage of the visit from television's Fab Five, the stars of "Queer Eye fer the Straight Guy" so they can set me straight - in a manner of speaking! LMFAO
Not that straight, :p Chazz

I woke up this morning happier than usual fer a V-day. Being single has always been the biggest setback fer me on this day. The culture we live in has been so sucked up into the commercialism of the holiday, that I almost feel like I have to buy somebody something just to keep meself sane and happy. They make yer depressed when yer cannot give or receive...just like Christmas but we won't go there, that's a whole other rant. Still, I guess the two main things that keep me from plunging this morning is that I woke up to it raining outside. No, I'm not secretly chuckling at all the lovers caught in the rain somewhere. If they're smart they'll create some real romance where they are and leave it at that. Create, that's what love is all about. The improvisation of it all, the unexpected kiss, touch, flower...whatever, use yer imagination instead of a hallmark card and heart-shaped box of chocolates (unless he/she really wants the chocolate, then yer get it because if there is one thing I have learned it is NOT to get in the way of yer partner and his/her chocolate...wow). Anyway, I digress.
So I woke up to the rain and a Shane Ward (currently playing!)cd playing in me stereo system. I rolled out of the bed (always on the right side) and went to the kitchen to fix a cup of coffee. I sat at the balcony and just smiled. Everything was alive this morning, birds chirping and squirrels scurrying. The air felt so fresh and new and I had to start wondering how I was going to get through this day happily. Me first plan of business was to stay home and not go to the get-together outing with me friends . Hence, I had a really interesting early morning dream, so I figured I would just settle with thinking about that fer a while and jotting some things down. Hehe
So that's that, and even with all of that I still feel lonely. You would think that after 3 years of being single on V-day yer would just finally get used to it. Cafes and work can only do so much before the chill slowly fills yer heart again. I'm just hoping that I can make it through this day without too much thought of what could be. I think I'll watch a movie (not horror/thriller in any way, lol) and then just listen to some music (which could be tricky).
Still, I want to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day. And if yer are lucky to have someone to enjoy the day with and be happy, then with all of me heart I hope this day is everything yer could have dreamed fer. I hope that love fills every step yer take together and passion fuels every kiss. I hope that when yer both wake up tomorrow, there will be no wondering why but confirmations of why those hearts are joined chest to chest. Rise and be thankful fer love is a rare commodity these days. If yer have it I dare yer to let it go...fer if yer do I dub yer the biggest fool this world has ever seen. Take care everybody and I love yer all. Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Love, Chazz

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?" The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it." Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?" The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university." Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to son.. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could." Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's' room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep. It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said: "Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you,just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus Himself took me to see GOD! And guess what,Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him like I was somebody important.That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you Good-bye and everything.But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to wriite some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm, sure the food will be great. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that? " Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

Al mio Amore,
Sei l'uomo più meraviglioso che abbia mai conosciuto
Sei il mio primo e ultimo pensiero ogni giorno. Ti insinui continuamente nella mio testa e mi distrai, ma che dolcissimo distrazione!
Grazie di avermi mostrato come si amo, e cosa significa essere desiderato. Mi hai insegnato tantissimo e te ne sarò sempre grato. Pensare a te mi riempie d'amore e di voglio di stare con te.
Non ho rimorsi! Grazie per essere sempre stato onesto e vero.
Non vedo l'ora di stare con te in America, amore mio.Ti amo moltissimo, per me sei tutto!
Sei l'amore del mio vita! Mwahhhh
Tuo per sempre, Chazz

To Remember Me

Give my sight to the man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face, or love in the eyes of a woman.
Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.
Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.
Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.
Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.
If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses, and all prejudice against my fellow man.
Give my sins to the devil.
Give my soul to God.
If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever...

Love, Angelus

You Are My Forever Love
I'll always remember our first days together those magical times when our love was so new
I remember the wonder we felt in our closeness, the passion and joy I discovered with you...
Somehow it seemed we were meant for each other, you made me feel cherished, complete, understand, And I knew if I walked by your side through the future, I'd always be happy and life would be good...
Time has brought change to the world that we share, but the sweet, simple truth that I knew from the start Is timeless and changeless forever and ever
I need you and love you with all of my heart.
I LOVE YOU BABY!

Boy : "Hey, hun!" Girl: "Hey" Boy : "I missed yer at school today, why weren't yer there?" Girl: "Yeah, i had to go to the doctor" Boy : "Oh, really? Why?" Girl: "Oh nothin, annual shots, thats all" Boy : "Oh!" Girl: "So what did we do in math today?" Boy : "Yer didnt miss anythin that great.....just lots of notes" Girl: "Ok good" Boy : "Yeah" Girl: "Hun, I have a question.... Boy : "Ok, ask away.." Girl: ........"How much do yer love me?" Boy : "Yer know i love yer more than anything, hun!" Girl: "Yeah....." Boy : "Why did yer ask?" Girl: (..........>silence<..........) Boy : "Is somethin wrong?" Girl: "No, nothing at all.." Boy : "Good!" Girl: .............."How much do yer care about me?" Boy : "I would give yer the world in a heartbeat if i could!" Girl: "Yer would?" Boy : "Yeah.........of course i would!!" (>sounding worried<) "Is there somethin wrong, hun?" Girl: "No, everythings fine......" Boy : "Are yer sure? Girl: "Yeah..." Boy : "Ok.......I hope so!" Girl: .............."Would yer die for me?" Boy : "I would take a bullet fer yer anyday, hun!!" Girl: "Really??" Boy : "Anyday! Now seriously, is there somethin wrong???" Girl: "No, Im fine, Yer fine, We're fine, Everyones fine.." Boy : ............"Ok" Girl: ....................."Well, I have to go now.I'll see yer tomorrow at school" Boy : "Alright, bye. I LOVE YOU!" Girl: "Yeah, I love yer too, bye!" (( THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL )) Boy : "Hey, have yer seen me g/f today?" Friend : "No" Boy : "Oh..." Friend : "She wasn't here yesterday either" Boy : "I know, she was acting all wierd on the phone last nite" Friend : "Well dude, yer know how girls are sometimes!" Boy : "Yeah........but not her" Friend : "I don't know what else to say, man" Boy : "Ok, well I gotta get to English, I'll see yer after school then" Friend " "Yeah I gotta get to Science, see yer!" (( THAT NIGHT )) -ring- -ring- -ring- -ring- Girl: "Hello?" Boy : "Hey!" Girl: "Oh, Hi, hun.." Boy : "Why weren't yer at school today?" Girl: "Uh.......I had another doctor appointment" Boy : "Are yer sick, hun?" Girl: .................."Um, I have to go, me mom's callin on me other line" Boy : "I'll wait" Girl: "It may take a while, I'll call yer later,okay?" Boy : ........"Alright, I love yer hun!" >very long pause< Girl: (with tear in her eye) "Look, I think we should break up" Boy : "What???" Girl: "It's the best thing fer us right now..." Boy : "But...but..why????" Girl: "I LOVE YER!!!!!!!!!" >click< (THE GIRL DOESN'T COME TO SCHOOL FOR 3 MORE WEEKS, AND DOESNT ANSWER HER PHONE) Friend : "Hey dude!" Boy : "What's up?" Friend : "Nothin, hey have yer talked to yer ex lately?" Boy : "No.." Friend : "So, yer didn't hear?" Boy : "Hear what??????" Friend : "Um..I don't know if I should be the one to tell yer......" Boy : "Dude, wtf tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Friend : "Uh....call this number....433-555-3468" Boy : "Ok............" (BOY CALL THE NUMBER AFTER SCHOOL) -ring- -ring- -ring- -ring- Voice : "Hello, Orange County Hospital, This is Nurse Sarah" Boy : "Uh.......I must have the wrong number, I'm looking for me girlfriend" Voice : "What is her name, Sir? (Boy gives info) Voice : "Yes, this is the right number, She is one of our patient's here" Boy : "Really? WHY? What happened??? How is she???" Voice : "Her room number is ..69, in Building A, suite 3" Boy : "WHAT HAPPENED??!!!!" Voice : "Please come by Sir and yer can see her, Goodbye" Boy : "WAIT! NO!!!!!!!" *dial tone* (BOY GOES TO HOSPITAL, AND TO ROOM ..69, BUILDING A, SUITE 3. GIRL IS LYING IN THE HOSPITAL BED) Boy : "OMG! Are yer ok??" Girl : .................. Boy : "Sweetie!! Talk to me!!" Girl : "I.........." Boy : "Yer what?? YER WHAT???" Girl : "I have cancer and I'm on life support..." Boy : .....................>breaks into tears<...................... Girl : "They're taking me off tonight..." Boy : "Why??" Girl : "I wanted to tell yer but I couldn't..." Boy : "Why didn't yer tell me????" Gir l: "I didn't want to hurt yer" Boy : "Yer could never hurt me!!!!!!!" Girl : "I just wanted to see if yer felt bout me as the same I felt bout yer..." Boy : "?" Girl : "I love yer more than anything, I would give yer the world in a heartbeat. I would die fer yer and take a bullet fer yer." Boy : ........... Girl : "Dont be sad, I love yer and I'll always be here with yer..." Boy : "Then why'd yer break up with me?" Nurse : "Young man, visiting hours are over" (BOY LEAVES, GIRL IS TAKEN OFF LIFE SUPPORT, AND DIES.) ***But what the boy didn't know is that the girl only asked him those questions so she could hear him say it one last time, and she only broke up with him because she knew she only had 3 more weeks to live, and thought it would cause him less pain and give him time to get over her before she died. (NEXT DAY) The boy is found dead with a gun in his hand..with a note in the other... THE NOTE SAID: "I told her I would take a bullet fer her.... just like she said she would die fer me...."

Friday comes again
Friday comes again, promising a men- Men who busted... a new hope.. a bright future... a new lifestyle. Friday comes again, promising a women- Women who harmed.. A lovely hubby... A lovely childs... A lovely family. Friday comes again... promising a child- Child who abused.. A happy childhood... A happy bedtime hours... A happy family. Dear God... Hear me say... Keep this unfortunate life away from us... Keep our Men - a strong FEET to stand by themselves... Keep our Women -a strong HEART to continue a life... Keep our Childs - a strong SOUL to be alive... and.... Keep our Community - a strong HANDS to be lend them to our Men...Women...and Childs who is less fortunate... Amen!

Mr. Universe Final Questions Question : "Mr. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?" Mr. America : "Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen" Question : "How can you say so?" Mr. America : "Because it stands every time it sees a woman........ " (Applause! Applause!) Question : "Mr. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?" Mr. Spain : "Male organs in our country are like our very own Bullfight or Toro(Bull)" Question : "How can you say so?" Mr. Spain : "Because it charges every time it sees an opening." (Applause! Applause!) Question : "Mr. Philippines, how do you describe a male organ in your country? " Mr. Philippines : "Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like gossip or rumors" Question : "How can you say so?" Mr. Philippines : "Because it passes from mouth to mouth." (Applause! Applause! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause!) Question : "Mr. Iran, how do you describe a male organ in your country?" Mr. Iran : "Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves." Question : "How can you say so? " Mr. Iran : "Because they like to enter through the back door." (Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! Applause!) Question : "Mr. India, how do you describe a male organ in your country?" Mr. India : "Well, I can say the male organs in India are like labourers" Question : "How can you say so?" Mr. India : "Because it works day and night......" (Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!) Question : "Mr. Singapore,how do you describe a male organ in your country? Mr. Singapore : "Well, I can say that male organ in Singapore is very Kiasu (Afraid to lose)." Question : "How can you say so?" Mr. Singapore : "It always wants to rush in quick and leave 15 minutes before the show is over." (Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause! Applause!) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- And last but not least, Mr. Malaysia..Mr. Chazzy Osbourne.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Question : "Mr. Malaysia, how do you describe a male organ in your country? " Mr. Malaysia : "Well, I can say that Male Organs in Malaysia are like Proton car" Question : "How can you say so?" Mr. Malaysia : "Look tough but actually very soft!" (Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Standing Ovation! Applause! Applause! Farted!)