One day my family and I were at home here in the Inland Empire. The sun was bright, even a little bit blinding and nice an warm out. Earlier it had been cool and cloudy that morning, in a few hours, the day had changed dramatically; we were in a beautiful hot, SUNNY SOUTHER CALIFORNIA summer day.
Minutes later, standing in the family room at my home, suddenly, the whole atmosphere changed. A huge wind came up out of nowhere, trees were being tossed every which way as the wind howled crazily down the hillside and blowing in a sudden rage around the houses. Leaves blew furiously high into the air, in every mixed up direction. I’d never seen anything like. And my huge sunbrella on the front veranda and blown down and into the front yard.
In ten minutes it was over. As suddenly as it started, the trees stopped moving, the leaves fell to the earth, everything became quiet – and that beautiful, Southern California summer resumed as if nothing had happened.
This is breast cancer, I thought. This is exactly what it is like.
A whirlwind that comes out of nowhere, that comes quickly, out of the blue and completely changes everything. You’re left gasping for breath, if you can breathe at all.
Breast cancer creates and leaves its own form of destruction behind.
Breast cancer may feel as if a giant hand has reached into your life, picked everything up and tossed it all into the air. Now, you get to see where it all lands and what your life will look like.
Some things are more challenging, some things may become better.
You meet some wonderful helping people. People who have been diagnosed with breast cancer; people who are highly trained in the breast cancer field; volunteers who give of their time to make life a little easier for you. These are people who know breast cancer.
You will be overwhelmed at times.
You cannot do this breast cancer journey alone. You will need a buddy to go to appointments. A close or a new relationship may become even closer.
Some people will be kind; you will be amazed at such generosity of time and spirit.
Some people will be CRUEL. One woman said to me, "You friends will desert you." Breast cancer patients often talk about the look they see on the faces of people when they learn they have cancer. They feel hurt and isolated when they sense a withdrawing. Many friends and even loved ones disappear.
It will impact on your relationships. One woman said, "My husband has not hugged me since I was diagnosed." Marriages have failed. Others have thrived.
Even in the midst of love, you may feel isolated and alone. After all, this is your journey; the others may walk beside you but you walk on the path. ALONE.
During your journey with breast cancer, your emotions take a trip of their own. You may cry copious tears at unexpected times. Like the whirlwind, emotions can be a flurry that whips up in an otherwise calm, sweet moment. Sometimes you dread being with others because you never know what you’ll do or what they’ll say. Best intentions may go astray and hurt terribly.
There is anger. Your own anger and the anger of others will flash up in a storm. It will hurt.
People will generously offer their assistance only to turn a deaf ear when you accept it. You will need help.
Shopping may be very tiring and difficult but you need nutritious food, good water and even getting out to see the world outside of the cancer clinic or a doctor’s office does still exist is important.
Once you’ve had surgery or treatment for your breast cancer you will need help with heavier housework. You’ll be amazed at how heavy a pot can be and how high or low a shelf has become. A vacuum cleaner that you never paid much attention to before is now a heavy cumbersome weight.
This is a time to say "I need help" to family, friends, fellow church members, and co-workers. Accept it graciously. Ignore the help that never shows up. Rise above the unkindness and neglect of those who should have and could have helped you. They have their own problems. Hard as it is, this is a time for you to let it go.
You need loving kindness around you. Gentleness that understands your many mood swings. You need a healing peacefulness. Create it as much as you can.
When I was diagnosed, I created a sanctuary in my room. I bought apple green sheets with a matching cotton blanket. Green is a healing colour. I bought a bouquet of white tulips and set them in a vase in a corner of my bedroom where I could see it easily. I put pictures of my family nearby. Because my family is what and where my strength and HOPE comes from. I am so blessed with those in my life that LOVE me and Care for me.. and for them I am forever grateful and blessed.
Be well in whatever way you can.
And know that you are loved. Somewhere out there, someone is thinking about you.
