I don't understand what happened. I thought everything was fine. I was in love, never happier than any other time I believe. I had the best thing in the world, my babe, my love, my one my only. Yea long distance is a bitch to deal with, no warm hand to suddenly grab your hand. No wet lips pressed against your cheek. No cuddleing in eachother's jackets when its cold. No funny faces that make you laugh till your stomach hurts then a tight hug and an "I love you" whispered into your ear. No, none of that. Your lonely as fuck. Everyone else has their person with them, doing all of those things that make me swoon. I stand against the wall ignoring them, waiting for a phone call, waiting to be happy. When your friends ask you to party with them, you don't, just because they want you to go with a guy, or they know someone will like you. " I'm happy with mine." Of course they'd always say that's ok, but really they hate the idea of me being alone, against the wall, waiting for a phone call, now what seems like i was being suckered in. God damnit I feel like a fool!!! Why, when? I just don't get it. I love him and I thought he loved me. I want to drink a poison to kill myself, but that will not do me any good. Sadly, there is no antidote for a heartbreak, because that's what I have, and that's what I need. My God, have i forsaken you?! Did I have this coming to me? Is this what you want?? If so you Fucking Suck! maybe I did adore him too much and maybe i looked up to him too much and yea maybe i'd do anything for him. But why the fuck turn him against me? I want to watch everything die. i don't know rather to hate him or to hate myself. Maybe i did do something wrong. I fucked up?! I fucked up? Yea, i fucked up. I should have been out there a long time ago, or I shouldn't have been so dependent on him like a drug, or i should have never been so stupid to go thru with something like this for so long. I DON'T FUCKEN KNOW! I dont know if I can forgive another let alone forget. What if I forgive him and it happens again? I'll snap. I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but I also have to be happy. Shit he drives me so insane I can't stop thinking about him, I don't know if I should call and talk or not. Should I just delete the numbers? I can't forget those either, i got them memorized. what good is deleting them? Whatver happens let me rest peacefully tonight, and carry on my sorrows tomorrow...
