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What are you waiting for?
Lying in the middle of the woods lissioning to the wind blow from the trees. Thunder clouds roll in as a shower is soon to happen. Should i just keep laying here and allow the rain to melt my pain or should i fight threw the winds and fight to be free. Awe but the rain feels so good in the noon day heat. My mind tells me to stay but my body tells me to fight. The rain is coming and reminds me of better days as a child at play dancing in it as my mother would call out to say come in. Awe but were have those days gone now. They seem so lost and forgotten. Is that why i choose not to run and fight. No matter the comfert of it all it is an illution to keep me from where i need to be. So i stand and run as fast as i can trying not to look back for every time i do it seems something is trying to pull me back in. The srapes and scratches that are riping threw me mean nothing but only go get away to find a way. Only what way. It doesnt truely matter as long as you find that place that keeps you safe. The only thing is not to let that false hope that you know is there trying to keep you there fight against it.
Yes im a cold harted bitch. Its who i am. I see the truth into people who they truely are. I suppose thats what makes me the way i am. I have no pitty for those who choose to lead a life that will destroy them. Everyone has a choose as to where your life will lead you. But i choose not to feel bad for anyone that wont help who they are and what they have become. I have two close friends thats all because i choose for it to be that way. There are to many people out in this world who are ready and willing to take you down to further themselves or to make them selves feel better about being a self obsorbed asshole. The sad thing about life and people are for the most part no one gives a damn about anyone cept themselves. Or how a tragity will work out in there favor to get sempathy from others where it doesnt belong. Those are the selfish ones out there in the world. And people wonder why i come off as a bitch. Things will pass and time will go by and the things those people were trying to get sempathy from will just turn into something else. They live for drama the pain of others and you know who you are. There is a time for you to grew up and leave behind childish ways. The sad thing is they wont. In a week all this will pass them and it will be something else for them to try to get pitty for. What do i have to say to those people. GREW THE FUCK UP AND GET OVER YOURSELF.
Running threw the thickness of the forest. Searching for the way out, but every turn leads to more endless forest. Screaming at the top of your lungs for hopes of someone to find you and help you, but no one comes. Your left to find your own way out. Maybe you dont want to leave the thickness of the forest sorrounding you. Falling in and out of a dream state. Maybe thats all this is a dream. You cant seem to find your way out of. What if your not suppose to leave. Maybe its better not to be found. The cool wind blowing in your face makes you feel at home. No longer feeling that desperation to run and get free. Maybe this is were your suppose to be lost in a world were you can only help yourself. Why not just lay down and let the trees and bushes take over. Fall deep asleep so as to not have to deal with it anymore. No, you will get up and fight your way threw the thickness. There must be a way out. Shouldnt there be?
The thoughts that go screaming threw your head. Wanting nothing but to just scream at the top of your lungs TO HELL WITH IT ALL. Yet you cant you just keep going on. Is all you want is to be just left alone or for someone to acctually understand you. How hard is it for someone to undertand another person. Wishing to beable to just grab ahold of a person and just look at them and tell them what they are doing wrong and what to do to fix it. If only you could. Life is not hard, it is you who makes it that way. Sure you come across oppsticals but thats what makes you learn better for the next time. Why is it so hard for people to say what they truley mean or what they want to say, or what there true ententions are? I know why, its easier to live a lie and get what you want from people then it is to just tell the truth. Some times its hard to find where the lye is, or when its coming out. Dont worry ill always find it. There not hard to deteckt. I suppose ill just sit here pulling my hair screaming in my head only wishing to be heard but truely knows i wont me. So later on for now.
The pure quitness of your room. The shadows dancing from one end to the other. Watching them play and twist wonding or wanting to be apart of the shadows that come and go at night. Lissioning to the nothingness all around feeling at peace and wanting that peace to last for the next day. The next day will always come but the question is what will come with it? They say that only you can make yourself feel like crap. What the fuck ever people can make you feel like crap just as bad. Thats why i must love those shadows that play. They say nothing and do nothing. They are nothingness and it cant hurt or bite or kick you when your down. So what do we say to those haters that hate themselves and take it out on others well there really is only one thing left to say FUCK OFF. thank you
When is it that you should trust someone. What makes it hard to trust others is when they lie to your face and say they would never do anything to hurt you when in fact they are doing it at that moment. Do they ever feel the hurt they give you or is it they just dont care. I think that if you dont mean it dont say it. I cant stand hurt anymore. I think ill just stay and be alone forever. Why not seems the best thing no one can hurt me. So tell me what you think?
Wondering what to write, what to think. Theres life then there is living. Two different things yet they are the same. Understand my way of thinking you never know what you mean beable to relize on your own. People talk of nothing but everything. Where have we gone when the biggest thing to discuss is what is in fashion. What ever, those people dont matter much any how. Now back to what to say? What has become of us. If you think about it nothing has really changed since the 1550's ha isn't that something. Sure we have this the computer but so just another form of comunication. Even though most of us use these things for other reasons then to get out what someone may think. Well i dont know what to say guess you tell me.
Later
Left to feel like your nothing. Sitting in an empty room. The walls look bare but so full of life. Wishing to be apart of that wall that seems to dance around with excitment. lieing back not wanting to think but everything wants to rush in all at once. Flashes of old memories you would much rather ignore but cant. Head spining out of control to the emotions that wallo deep inside. Fucking emotions. Well i was going to go somewhere with this but cant seem to think where to take it to. Never able to really think of the right thing to say, yet thinking about everything. Left to feel like your nothing. Lost thoughts. Why cant the things i dont want to think about are always around. Take my mind my emotions take everything. Everything has been lost to me anyways so whats the point. The only thing that is left of your mind is the thought that your not worth it to anyone.
Walking down that old path, that one you use to wonder threw as a child. Looking around everywhere at the place you once long to be free from everything. Now looking at it, it seems like nothing. That large tree in the far distence, with its giant limb that you use to jump and swing from has all but fallin to peices on the ground. Wondering, what could have come by to cause such a force for that huge limb to just fall to nothingness. Looking around at all these things takes you back. Maybe it defines what you have become or aloud yourself to become. Unlike that lost forgotten place, you can mend your limbs and build yourself back up. That is if you will do it. Force yourself to get back up. It was so much easier as a child to fall and get back up again. Back then it was more of a will to get up again then having to just because you must. I suppose ill keep going, why not. Looking back at that old path to my childhood, something that was once bright, beautiful and full of life, but has now demenished to weeds, and lost thoughts. Now grown I will stand as strong as that tree once did and stand against the harsh weartherings of life and be something to look back later down the road and smile. Well thats all i can think of right now so......
Later
Mirrors, what looks back at you when you look into one. I dont mean what do you see when you look into it. What do you see when they are looking back. They do look back thats what a refelction is. Is it something stong, weak, pathtic, emoral, unseen. Some times you just dont know. You may think you do, but in reality you dont. Who is that person looking back at me? Or, maybe thats not you looking back from that reflextion you see, its someone you wish you could be or your afraid to face. No matter what that mirrior speaks the truth about everything there is to you wether you like it or not. You can try to hide it all you want with hours in front of it, but undernethe its still you. Maybe thats why some of us like to stay behind the camra. No matter what we hide who we truley are from everything and everyone even when were not trying to. You will never completly begin to understand or know me, but i know me or maybe I do, but this isnt about me. A mirror will always tell you the truth to things weather its what you want to hear or not so always becareful when you look into one. Not for the mirror its self, but that person looking back at you. For they are you. They are the truth to who you are. Just look.
