get the fuck out of me!!!!!! wtf why do i feel this way... fucking stuopid patheic worthless fucking emoptions cause nthing but trouble and heartache!!! why oh why god cant i be some cold heartless buith who cares about nothing but my next lay? why!!!!!?????
why do i have to have feelings? why do i have to have trust and faith and a believe in a love that will never exist? why do i have to be too fucking chicken shit to drink my sorrows away and why am i too fucking scared to do drugs??!!! druggies might have the same problems i do but guess what? they are tooo fuckinghigh to give a shit but oh no not me i am straight edge!!! wooptie fuckin doo!!! im straight edge so i can feel every fucking knife twisting and turning inside of me makeing me scream on the fucking inside til i cry on the outside and for what? because im too chicken shit to take a stand... to scared to say this is what i want.. to fucking scared to walk away because i honestly feel its my last chance wtf is wrong with me? i hate this.. i hate me... i hate everything right now but i dont hate him... wtf... i give up... but you know what i say that and still wait for him to tell me the words i long to hear the lost but probably will never hear... i fucking suck... soeone shoot me please... put me out of my misery because i am too pathetic to do it myself... i dont even know why im typing this... no one will actually read it.... ya'll might come through and give it a big ol 10 but the likeliness of it actually ebing read is slim to non.... but then thats probably a good thing because im rambling like fucking lunatic and hate this but i hate to get it out o fmny system someohowsnd odnt know how and so i write... i write because i cant talk... obviously i cant talk i dont even know what to say.. i dont even know what i feel anymore besides heartache and of course i cant say i feel that because that isnt the right thing to feel.... whaterv this isnt even fucking helping so whats the point... im jsut going to consitrate on my job and put on the happy face that everyone wants to see and pretend life is fucking dandy....
