The More You Suffer The More It Shows Yo...'s blog: "Beth's World"

Hey everyone. Just wanted to let you know, if you even read these things. I'm deleting this account. I never log on here anymore, and when I do log on it's not like anyone is talking to me. I just wanted to thank everyone for the laughs and the conversations, those of you who did actually talk to me. I'll miss you guys. -Love Always, Beth

I forgot to post this, when I wrote it. I wrote this the 14th of November, ok I know I am almost a week behind, but thats okay. November 14th, There is something really funny that happened tonight. I guess I shouldn't say funny, but it was really odd. There has been some difficult times in my relationship, one of the most difficult things is the fact that he never wanted to discuss with me what the future, or the next level as he calls it, entitles completely. So tonight out of the blue, we weren't talking. I have to say the honest to goodness truth about something, and this may make me sound really weird, but whatever. I have a really hard time sleeping. Josh tells me goodnight everynight, and gives me a goodnight kiss *via text message of course* and when he doesn't give me a proper goodnight as we have coined it, I don't sleep to well. So I sent him a message asking for my proper goodnight, and he didn't say anything in response. So I said whatever, and just turned my volume onto my phone, and started watching the tv. At 9:56 p.m my cell phone started going off, with the special text message ringer. Seeing as the only person that sends me messages, besides the occasional one from my brother or sister-in-law is Josh, I knew who it was from. So I opened my phone, to see this message.. *kiss* *kissez* sweet dreams baby! I love you too! --Josh Now mind you, I don't know where the too part came into play but I am not going to question it. The most important part of this blog is the fact that, the boyfriend said he loved me!

I was just looking at my friends list. Realizing that many of you, I don't talk to, haven't talked, or haven't talked to since the day you decided to add me to your list. If you have no intentions of talking to me, tell me, I will gladly take you off my list, I have no problem not being a friend collector. If you don't message me, comment me, or anything of the sort of letting me know you want to remain on my list *unless you are on of the few that I talk to daily* You are coming off my list.

Dear Solider, I would like to thank you. I have been thinking about you a lot lately, even though the news doesn't talk to much about you anymore. I haven't forgot about you. Solider, no matter what branch of the service you are in, I salute you. You may not know me, but I know you. I know that you are sitting over there in the desert, looking at the pictures of home, wanting to come home. I know that you take the chance to get online, and just check for messages from your family or friends, or anyone, to make sure that we haven't forgot about you. Solider, we haven't forgetten. I know that there are nights that you would rather be home, tucking your child into bed or spending time with that special someone. But because of you, many of us are able to enjoy those things that we have taken for granite many years. You don't know me, but you know of me. I am the American that you are over there fighting for. I am the American, that wasn't in favor of the War, but as soon as our troops were actually sent over there, I supported you greatly. I am the American who wishes there was something more that we could do. If it wasn't for you, I don't know what I would do. Because of you, I am allowed to work wherever I want. Because of you, I feel comfortable with sending my kids outside to play without the worry that some kind of bomb could go off and kill them. Because of you, I feel free. Dear Solider, I want to thank you. For all of you that are still living and fighting for our country, I salute you. For all of those who have lost a friend or family member, I salute you. For all of those fallen soliders, please remember that you are not forgotten. Your memmory lives on, through your children and your family. Solider, I just want you to know that I support you and I haven't forgotten. Even though the news doesn't talk about you anymore, I still check on you. I still get online, and read the international news. I pray for every solider that is injuried or that has died, and their family. I pray that some day you come home to your family. I pray that you are safe. Solider, I want you to know, if there is anyway that I can support you besides my thoughts, and prays, please let me know. I am willing to do anything to see that our troops are brought home safely. Thank You Solider,you are my hero, --Your American

So here is the deal. Lately, I have been putting a lot of MuMM's about my relationship, or relationships in general. I just wanted to make sure that everyone was clear on my relationship. I am very happy and content in my relationship. I am in a very serious relationship with a guy named Josh S. He has been a very supportive factor in my life over the past almost two years. He was one of the few people that understood when my aunt was sick and dying that I needed my space, but was always there when I needed him. He gave my space, but within the space there was the understanding that he was just a phone call or txt away. We have been friends for a long time, via the internet, and have only been a couple for 7 months. I know to a lot of people, that doesn't seem like a long time, but it really is. There are no ifs ands or butts about our relationship, we are what we are. We don't apologize for the way we act when we are together, we don't apologize for the way we act when we are apart. We have an understanding that we are exclusive, if we are going to go out with a member of the opposite sex, we tell each other. Nothing is a secret, and that's the way it was from the start, no secrets. I know who he is out with at night and what he is doing, and he knows the same about me. We talk about everything, no topic is to taboo. We have discussed every aspect of our relationship many times, over and over again. Before we decided to date, we both thought about it. Before we decided to have sex we discussed it. Nothing has been entered into upon lightly. Our friends feelings have been incorporated, along with our families. We have never dismissed anyones opinion about any aspect. We take into considerate what they say, and discuss how we can better things. Yes, our relationship has had its issues. Long distance relationships are not easy, espically when one of the people in the relationship is in college and doesn't have a lot of money, and the other person is always working. We have fights about not being able to see each other, we have also had fights where we thought one or the other was cheating. No relationship is perfect, but each step of the way we have been able to work things out. I know that most people have stopped reading this by now, or if they are still reading it, they are saying to themselves that it has only been 7 months, its still early. It isn't really that early for either of us. This is a long time together, and everytime we spend together just seems to be shorter and shorter. Now the reason for actually posting this blog. There is no trouble in my relationship, it is going perfectly. Things are great. We see each other as often as possible, we talk all the time *we'll we txt but its the same difference*. When we are together, everything is perfect. I have never met a man that is willing to just lay there and cuddle with someone after not seeing them for a month or so. No, it's not that he doesn't want to sleep with me or anything, but he does understand that maybe sometimes it is better to avoid the physical aspect of the relationship. Currently we are discussing taking our relationship to the next level. I have no idea what the next level entitles completely, but I know this much, he is about ready to tell me he loves me for the first time. Yes, this is the big deal. He has only ever told one other girl he loved her, so it is a very big deal. He wants to make our relationship very serious, so yea. I just wanted everyone to have a clear understanding on the trials and tribulations of Beth and Josh :)

Why do boys play games? You would think they wouldnt. When they say they going to call, they dont. When you talk about sex, they all ears. Theres more feelings than sex, more depth than penetration, More love, than making love. Karma... Things come and things go. Boys come and boys go. But if they truly are boys, then I wish you a man. I wish you a man that calls you his lady instead of his bitch. I wish you a man that holds the door 4 you instead of your legs in the air. I wish you a man that calls b4 10 at night. Who speaks to you in public. Who mentions u 2 his mom. Who smiles when he hears your name. And prays for you at night. Who'd rather cuddle than smoke a blunt. Who'd rather hold you than get up and leave. But that's just it. I wish you a man, not a boy. Why do boys play games? Because they are boys, not men

Today, is a day where everything just seems to be good. Which I know, has to be almost too good to be true. I have been able to sit around and do nothing all day. Even though, yesterday was the worst day I have had in a long time. My brother, who is a movie director, movie was playing in a film festival in the town next to mine, so my family decided that they would come down, go see his film, and surprise him and take him to dinner or something. Right, so we went to the place where the film festival was. We waited, and waited, and waited for my brother to show up.. which he didn't. So it was pretty much pointless for us to go to his movie. Then we went to dinner, at the Old Country Buffet. Which is usually really good. It was just extremely busy when we went. So like there was no room to move and there was these religious people sitting next to us, talking about religion and all this other stuff, that just isn't a popular topic with my family, so yea that made the night long. Then when I got back, and my family left, I was bored. I decided that I should do a little something, something, with my time. So I decided that I should rearrange my room. Which, you know thinking, well its only half a room, and she only has like 4 pieces of furniture to move it couldn't be that hard. It was though, I decided that it was going to be a smart idea to put my dresser inside of my closet to make the room look a little bigger. But whatever, it took me about 3 hours to rearrange everything and get it to look prim and proper the way I like it. The thing that took the longest was moving the rug, which by the way, wouldn't move. The room looks good though, if I do say so myself. Now if I could just get my roommate to rearrange her side of the room so it doesn't look ridicolously small. -shrugs- Love me, hate me, whatever, just make sure you comment me. Love Always, Beth

Today is a long day. It was raining, teachers cancelled classes in the middle of my schedule, and the elevator was broken. On top of that, I got my period, but thats okay. I was a little bored.. so I added some new pictures :) Rate them, add comments :)