Captain Underpanties's blog: "Bar Jokes, a little NASTY!"

How do you brainwash a blond? Turn her upside down and give her a douche.

How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb??? 3, one to screw it in and 2 to sing about how much they miss the old one.

Why was the redneck pushing his trailer home down the street in the snow????? He was trying to jump-start the furnace!

A couple is having problems with their sex life so they decide that they are going to get some medical advice. They go to a doctor one day and tell him their concerns. The doc takes each one of them onto a separate room and gives them each an examination. He then takes them both into a room together and sits them down for a talk. "I can help you, " says the doc. "all you need to do is go to the store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. When you get home with the groceries, get naked, sit on opposite sides of the room and play a little game. Miss, you try and loop the donuts onto your man's erection, and sir, you try and shoot hoops, (so to speak) with her v." the couple goes home and tries it and has the best sex they have ever imagined. A couple weeks later the girl is telling one of her friends about the doctor visit and her newly found sex life. The friend decides to take her man to the doctor with her to see if their sex life can be improved as well.. so same thing... doc takes them in separate rooms, examines them, and then sits them down in a room together. "I can't help you." the doctor tells them. "But you helped my friend," the lady responds. "You have to be able to help!" "well," says the doc. "go to the store and buy some apples and some cheerios."

Little Johnny and Grandpa go fishing... Grandpa asks little J to pass him some coffee, little johnny asks, " can I have some?" "Well little J," Grandpa asks "can you take out your dick, put it in your ass, and fuck yourself?" "No Grandpa, I can't, replies little J." "Then no coffee!" Later that day, Grandpa asks little johnny to pass him a beer, "can I have some Grandpa?" johnny asks as he gets the beer. "Can you take out your dick, put it in your ass and fuck yourself?" Grandpa asks again. "No Grandpa, I already told you I can't" "Then no Beer, Johnny." Later that night, after they are headed home from fishing grandpa asks little Johnny, "are you gonna share the fish that you caught today, Johnny?" "Well Grandpa, can you take your dick out, stick it in your ass and fuck yourself?" "Why yes, little Johnny I can!" "Then why don't you go fuck yourself Grandpa?" FAMILY LOVE!!!!!!!!!

Santa does not have any children because he only cums once a year and it is down the chimney!

I can't exactly jelly your cock down my throat can I?

Mrs Pac. Man is the best Prostitute ever, for 25 cents she will eat balls Until she dies!