if you want to break my heart it's already been done. if you want to cast me into the seas of i was a one time thing, its been done before. if you truly want to hurt me lead me on me of all peope should have gotten used to. as many times as these things have been done to me im at the end. i am looking for a friend who i can count on, a friend who knows what it truly means to be a friend, if something else comes out of it all the better. as i sit hear battling back my tears i wonder how i could still cry. i have cried so much in my life how do i possibly have that many tears in my body. i cry because of who i am, what i have becomes, and the greatest things i have lost in my life. when my husband left me i thought i was gonna be so much better off. but as week has gone on ive scrapped up change to buy milk for my kids, they want mac and cheese and i dont have butter to make it. they want chocolate milk i cant even splurge on cocca powder to give this to them. my kids tell me they are hungry and i have to figure out how i am gonna feed them. i have always considered myself a nice person and when someones in need i would be the first to help as much as i could. now out of all the people i have helped they have turned their backs on my family. my oldest son needs lunch money for school and i have to dig up pennies. it will feed him today what about tomorrow. if it werent for my 2 boys and the fact that i dont want my mom to lose her house that she has lived in for 38 years, ever since ive been 18 months old. i go to the welfare department and was approved for food stamps...$43 dollars a month. this sucks, my life sucks, and every person that walks into my life seems like another loser. i am not looking for a great deal, im not asking money, im not looking for a handout, im looking for a helping hand. a person that comes along to hold my hand, a person who will lie behind me and pull their fingers through it. a soft kiss on my forhead i need someone who can show me a little compassion and love. is that too much to ask for? i can bet my life which is not worth much at this time that if someone said come with me, let me give you what you need there would have to be some kind of ulterior motive behind a friendly face. i would be happy if the angel of death came to take me away tonight. my luck theyd get stopped at the border and detained for years. i am at the point i would welcome death with a warm embrace. my boys are what makes me from taking all my pills at 1 time, i could stop taking my insulin and just slip peacefully into a coma, but where would that leave my kids? with a dad that doesnt want them, says if something ever happened to me he would have to give them up. I have a lawyer as long as i know that my mom would get custody of my boys death couldnt come soon enough. please dont lead me on, please dont talk to me because youve always had a fantasy of doing an older fat chick. if you see a blog coninue my plans have been stalled, if no blog there will be no me. is there anyone out there that can tell me they want to get to know me for me. im looking for my angel, which is a dark angel that helps these obstacles to derail my life. is it too much to ask for an angel that would actually cry with me, or wrap me in their wwings and protect me from the trails ive lived for 38 years. please help...
