Well it seems that I have told myself i would write a new blog today before i catch my next ciggerette outside. Not to sure anymore if anything I'm writing is coherent enough to even be taken as anything; or if im yet again just rammbeling away with a point that stretches over more points then most veteran porn stars. Being back on the market after being taken for a little over 3 years should be more of a welcome to the freedom im experiencing... but i seem to just fall back and forget what all i really can and should do. Most of me says wait and dwell... sit and see... pace and absorb the surounding... but why??? I don't want to... I never have... and i sure as fuck hate thinking like that. Could it be just in the nature of acting? Acting on bullshit instead of imbeded impulse from previous experiences. It's as if I'm the mouse latched to the electrified piece of cheese... being shocked over and over again. Starving for the substanance and not caring about the consequence seems to be my downfall for the time being.... and that really should bother me.... and it doesn't. Why the hell is it whenever we give advice we so fully forget the reasons we learned to even give those words we say we live by. Oh well... live... learn... fuck up anyways!
