Alabamadog's blog: "Amusing Crap"

It didn't take long to make the changes... just a long time to decide to make them. Chuggler.com has been updated and looks fantastic. check out the site and let me know what you think. Chase

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way Computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the Computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we Would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving Cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part): 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........ Twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in th e road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You Would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut Off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause Your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have To reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was Reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on Only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all Be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. I love the next one!!! 7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out And refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, Turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn How to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in The same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb" ------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury. ------------------------------------------- Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ------------------------------------------- Coca-Cola was originally green. ------------------------------------------- It is impossible to lick your elbow. ------------------------------------------- The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska ------------------------------------------- The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) ------------------------------------------- The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A Their birthplace ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A Obsession ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A One thousand ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A All were invented by women. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A Honey -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A Father's Day ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when... 1 You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3 You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4 You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5 Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6 You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8 Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!

Looking back on life so far... I have had a good time. Dated the sexually aggressive women and the more... ummm... prudish ladies. Now though I have come to a place in life where chasing everything hot wearing a thong or not is really not my full time job anymore. However, I have come to grips with who I am and what I want. Here are a few of the DO NOT WANTS... lol: 1. I do not want a woman who is anti-sexual. You know the type. Sex is ok but it should be in bed only and not for recreation or fun. BS! Sex should be had often and in new spots as available. Get a new chair... sex. get a new car... sex. etc. LOL 2. I do not want a woman who thinks a guy going down on her is gross. Now, I know the old saying.. it just hasn't been done right... etc. I mostly agree but amazingly enough I have met those who tell me they don't like it and mean it before I have ever gotten to it. So very sad but true. 3. I do not want a childish, bitchy, and emotionally crippled woman either. Arrrgh... OMG that is the worst thing. Now... that was just a few of the do not wants. Now let's get into the do wants... LOL: 1. Hotness - this is a must people. I am not Adonis or anything but I am a great looking guy with a ... ahem... decent looking body. LOL. 2. Must like to leave legs around my head until I just can't do it anymore. This is a non-negotiable requirement. Amen! 3. Brains. Like 1 & 2 this is non-negotiable too. You don't have to be a rocket scientist or programmer tech god like me.. but understand the basics please. 4. Decent prognosis for success in life. I do not want a stay at home mother 1950's kind of woman either. Be able to drive a car well. Preferably shoot a gun with some accuracy (this can be fixed while dating if a problem). Have some kind of skill other than sexual... though those are extremely appreciated ... LOL. 5. Must do this too... NON-NEGOTIABLE NO REFUNDS OR EXEMPTIONS ALLOWED. Well this pic speaks for itself...

Now I bet none of your were surprised to see that. LOL. Ok enough blabbering for now. I will shout more later I am sure. LOL

You know for many years I have heard men of all ages and women for that matter talking about being or knowing dirty old men. As I reach my mid 30's ... where I don't feel old... or act it... LOL... I am sitting here wondering if it is a bad thing to be a dirty 'old' man. I turn 34 in 2 weeks and I am to a good place in my life... on both a professional and personal level. I never got married as a young man. I didn't want to get married too young and have to struggle financially. Now, I have a successful career, a nice house, decent car, money in the bank, and just about every toy that I have ever wanted. So the struggling financially thing is pretty much a forgotten issue. So, as I sit here on my idiotpc and surf around here on CT and other places... I look at these beautiful girls and DAMMMMNNNNNN. I have decided I have to have one. LOL. Now... being nearly 34... I have dated a lot of women. Most of them nearer my age and some several years older. Now, I am sitting here looking at these drop dead gorgeous women and saying... Damn that would be fun. The question comes down to... what age is ... well not appropriate... but decent? LOL I know I am asking for it here... but give me your opinions. I know the guys will say "18 is legal" but that is just wrong. Ladies, what do you think?

Sign the Petition now Persecuted because they were doing their jobs.… That’s precisely what has happened to two U.S. Border agents who were convicted and sentenced to 11 and 12 year prison terms for shooting a Mexican drug smuggler who had crossed our border illegally and physically assaulted one of the agents. This outrageous injustice took place near El Paso, Texas—a hotbed of illegal activity, where drug smugglers, and violent gang members illegally crossing from Mexico are often encountered. On February 17, 2005, U.S. Border Ignacio Ramos (a former nominee for border patrol agent of the Year), and Jose Compean attempted to apprehend a fleeing illegal alien at our border. Today, both are facing 20 year prison terms, and even more outrageous, this same illegal alien is now suing the U.S. for $5 million claiming his civil rights were violated. Click here for the Lou Dobbs report. Both agents must surrender to federal authorities on January 17, to begin their terms. However, Grassfire.org is calling on the President to pardon them, and is rallying at least 200,000 citizens to sign our petition. Because of the timeliness of this issue, Grassfire is urging team members to also Fax personalized letters to key lawmakers in this debate. Click here to see the faxes and the targets that include, The White House, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, Department of Homeland Security and more. In what could be the last opportunity to appeal to the President to pardon border agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean before they report to prison on Jan. 17, Grassfire will present more than 200,000 petitions during a national press event in Washington, D.C. on Wednesday, January 10. Additionally, Grassfire President Steve Elliott appeared on Fox News' Fox and Friends to make a plea for the agents (click here to see Steve's interview). Grassfire is urging ALL members of our team to contact their lawmakers, and the White House demanding these agents be pardoned. To contact the White House, 202-456-1111. Total signers: 247,980 Sign the Petition now

The Democrats now promise "A New Direction For America." The stock market is at a new all-time high and America's 401 K's are back. A new direction from there means, what? Unemployment is at 25 year lows. A new direction from there means, what? Taxes are at 20 year lows. A new direction from there means, what? Federal tax revenues are at all-time highs. A new direction from there means, what? The Federal deficit is down almost 50%, just as predicted over last year. A new direction from there means. what? Home valuations are up 200% over the past 3.5 years. A new direction from there means, what? Inflation is in check, hovering at 20 year lows. A new direction from there means, what? Not a single terrorist attack on US soil since 9/11/ 01 . A new direction from there means, what? Osama bin Laden is living under a rock in a dark cave, having not surfaced in years, if he's alive at all, while 95% of Al Queda's top dogs are either dead or in custody, cooperating with US Intel. A new direction from there means, what? Several major terrorist attacks already thwarted by US and British Intel, including the recent planned attack involving 10 Jumbo Jets being exploded in mid-air over major US cities in order to celebrate the anniversary of the 9/11/ 01 attacks. A new direction from there means, what? Just as President Bush foretold us on a number of occasions, Iraq was to be made "ground zero" for the war on terrorism -- and just as President Bush said they would, terrorist cells from all over the region are arriving from the shadows of their hiding places and flooding into Iraq in order to get their faces blown off by US Marines rather than boarding planes and heading to the United States to wage war on us here. A new direction from there means, what? Now let me see, do I have this right? I can expect: The economy to go South Illegals to go North Taxes to go Up Employment to go Down Terrorism to come In Tax breaks to go Out Social Security to go Away Health Care to go the same way gas prices have gone But what the heck! I can gain comfort by knowing that Nancy P, Hillary C, John K, Edward K, Howard D, Harry R and Obama have worked hard to create a comprehensive National Security Plan, Health Care Plan, Immigration Reform Plan, Gay Rights Plan, Same Sex Marriage Plan, Abortion On Demand Plan, Tolerance of Everyone and Everything Plan, How to Return all Troops to the U. S. in The Next Six Months Plan, A Get Tough Plan, adapted from the French Plan by the same name and a How Everyone Can Become as Wealthy as We Are Plan. I forgot the No More Katrina Storm Plan. Now I know why I feel good after the elections. I am going to be able to sleep so much better at nights knowing these dedicated politicians are thinking of me and my welfare. Please pass this good news along to all of your friends so they can feel better also. Happy New Year!

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance , one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now." ROFL OOORAH MARINES!

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is my friend Mr. Chuggler... who through no fault of his own O:-) lost his CherryTap account recently. Being the Awesome Cherrytapper that he is... Snicker... he has come back and is starting again. Let's give him some love and I know he will return it. Dump some 10s on him... He was at Level 9... but now is a 2... snicker. Pimp him out to your friends as well...

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things." He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you give a shit? ROFL PRICELESS AND TRUE!!!