PiercingSerenity's blog: "All You Need"

So once again I don't know why I'm writing to the world of blogging. Which is really just a disgusting angst of being listened to I believe. Truly, I just want to vent. And I don't want to bother anyone specific, so I'll type type away. At this point in my life I have made this quite blatant decision to not have a relationship with anyone. Too much going on, too many places to go, too many people to see and meet. I like to continually be on the move and enjoy life. But, truly, I guess the question is, will a "significant other" truly hold one back from that? Or am I just torn and hurt and untrustworthy? hmph. Secondly, I have yet to feel like I've learned a thing, academically, at Potsdam. I've been at college, and of course have learned through life -- but you never really stop doing that. As in schooling, I have yet to learn a fucking thing. I've had teachers upset with me and I think the only reason is because I have more experience teaching than they do and they don't know how to handle me. Many of my friends and peers in this degree haven't had any experience past babysitting. I wish I could just skip the bs I've learned already through life experience and get somewhere. It feels like wasted time. Lastly, I'm graduating in a year. And this whole "settling down" thing is fucking with me. I don't think I was made to "settle down". I have many different problems with marriage (and in some way or another I almost wish for the fairy tale man to sweep me off my feet and show me all will be well.. but when will that ever fucking happen). Actually, it's kind of odd how against marriage I am..being how much family and family ties mean to me. And the fact that I want kids, handfuls of them. My own, and foster. How am I supposed to do that without a husband? Who knows. I think the real problem here is I worry too much about the future..and if I'll ever really reach all my goals. I have too many to worry about and need to learn how to live on a day to day basis.... not to say I don't though, either. I live life day by day and love life day by day. I have no problem dropping what I'm doing for something else and living and loving. I think that's really the problem though - with "settling down" staring me in the face as it is. I have to make a choice as to where I want to live etc etc. Argh, fuck it. These are all questions that won't be answered until they happen, so why do I even ask.

Because my computer is locked up by Apple because whatever's wrong with it isn't covered by the insurance crap I got, and I don't have the money. Because my cell phone broke in half. And because I spun my car out in a snowstorm trying to get up to Potsdam for school going 20 effin' mph. I didn't think it was possible. New tires too. Wrecked the back of my car pretty bad, but I'm okay. So, I should be around a little more often, but I'm not promising anything. Don't forget about me!

Okay, it's 10:47 am on Friday. I am leaving for the northcountry sometime today to get back to college. My computer is still being worked on - thus, I'm not going to be on this site for quite some time. (you know, probably about a week or so, until it gets shipped up to me) Please, don't forget about me - love you all. And goddamnit, leave me some love to come back to!

"take me again," she said, thinking of him "to the pond with the swans and the swimming" far from his room the familiar perfume how it felt to her when she was naked lessons she learned when her memory slurs as they marvel with love at the sunset walking away at the dark end of day she will measure and break like a habit oh how the rain sounds as light as a lover’s word and now and again she’s afraid when the sun returns "take me again," she said, thinking of him "i don’t care for this careful behavior" a brush through her hair, children kissing upstairs keeps her up with her want for her savior the sun on the sand, on her knees and her hands as she begs for her fish from the water but turn them away, she’s a whip and a slave given time she may find something better oh how the rain sounds as loud as a lover’s words and now and again she’s afraid when the sun returns" iron&wine

don't know how to put the song up.... so the lyrics will do. All that I need -- Blind Melon All that I need is the air that I breathe And all that I need are things I don’t need And all that really matters Is what matters to me(hee..hee) And who of you are like me If I was to smile and I held out my hand And opened it now would you not understand Because you know if I’m to benefit I’ll do everything that I can And who of you are like me It will make you feel good Over my shoulder It will get me down And got me tied up Til’ I grow older But feel me inside of you Like you want it to But is it just the pains in your head That are thrilling me Another life’s...falling down onto it’s knees But I’ll never smile the way That I did like that day.... Everything will be ok...... It’ll be ok......