Ok, that's it. This place called Williamsburg Virginia is offically weird. I mean off the richter scale WEIRD. And I should know weird. I like to think somewhere in hell when satan looks up weird.......... he sees my smiling face.
It isn't as if there's anything WRONG with people here......... it's more....... well.............. ever see that movie The Stepford Wives?
It's like that. Everything is perfect, theres no grafitti.........never any litter..........the sun almost always shines. Every car is nice and clean.... it's like this perfect lil place and then there's the people.
I go into Wal-Mart.............. WAL MART the very bastion of " I hate my fucking job Im here because I need a paycheck and don't ask me anything because I would like to stick a spork in your eye" Ahhhhhhhh MY Wal-Mart I love you well.
However......... there is the FREAK alternate universe of Wally World here.
There I am lost in the aisles( as usual) Can't find what I need (as usual) tried using common sense to locate and didnt find it(as usual) so basically everything I know...all is well right?
Then IT happened.....
Someone in a Wal-Mart vest............SMILED at me........ LOOKED me in the eye....and without my even ASKING it... said to me ,the scariest sentance in the world
" HI!!!!!!! Welcome to Wal-Mart...you seem to be looking for something, can I help?"
I almost fucking fainted.
I looked for the cameras.
I looked again thinking " Ok this is some sick joke, and I like sick jokes"
But it wasn't.............. she was SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
and thats when I knew................. I fucking live in a really weird place!
This isn't cleveland anymore.......... good old cleveland ohio. Really shitty weather, rusty cars its grey alot and people are rude...I mean RUDE like your lucky you don't have em yell fuck you at you when you go buy smokes at the gas station rude. But you KNOW theyre thinking it and most likely saying "asshole" under their breath at you while you leave. Not that you did anything to rate it mind you..............its just cleveland..only the tough survive, otherwise we eat your children. Somehow this comforts me..
I MISS THE RUDE!!!!!
It's the south. they're fucking polite! Neighbors WAVE for christs sake.....and say HELLO!
The NEIGHBORS!!!!!!! You know those shadowy figures they live around you in those houses somehwere, I'm sure they have been there for years but fuck if I know or CARE who they are.
For the love of god people, someone please PLEASE tell me to GO FUCK MYSELF before my entire belief structure falls apart, I join the stepford community and I actually start to think.........."yanno, maybe pastels wouldnt look too bad on me if it were the right kinda twin set"
SEND HELP.
Oh yes........ and happy mother's day.
