xat's blog: "my poetry"

 

despite the cliché

our eyes meet in a crowded room

except i’m up on stage performing my poetry

& he’s down in the audience watching

i’m saying the words

popping the syllables like so many pills

overdosing on far reaching symbolism

on stage …

controlling the crowd with slow motion sound waves

turning big budget action movie in your ear

but i realize he’s

ex-significant

& i’m

reading my all out vent poetry

inner rage turned inside out

like the muscle man in Anatomy 101

wondering what happened

to my skin...

he’s staring &

i mentioned earlier how

our eyes had met, how

he was watching me

watching me say nasty things about him

clever things about him

piercingly accurate things about him

sad & lonely things about us

but i couldn’t read him from where i was

i was way too high

i was like God

staring down at him in hell

& it was like

i could judge him

& i could be right

& my feelings, my motives

my emotions & intentions

were finally valid

because the crowd could feel me

& that applause was THEATRIC!

an opera of love & hate

destiny & reprisal!

that clapping fused into

the dramatic sound of a fat lady SINGING

to my ex ...

hitting that impossible frequency

that could crack that man’s

wineglass ego

i had him!

he was mine!

& i didn’t care about the slam!

i had won a far more

important contest!

the scores were nothing!

i-had-satisfaction!

i stepped down from the tower

i crossed the court through the cheering gauntlet

& he approached

coming to me with those incredible eyes of his

& he said

‘i still love your poetry’

i still love your poetry?

he still loves my poetry?

well he couldn’t love me

[apparently]

he couldn’t still love me

[obviously]

he didn’t think so highly of the woman

he broke like so many pencils!

he couldn’t apologize

or maybe accept that he could

have quite possibly 

made a huge mistake in leaving me!

& that’s all he could say?

in the tumultuous thundering of applause

that made the world shake

from the very foundations of the Earth

all the way to the roof of space

that he still loved my poetry?

how about

i love you!

or

I'm sorry!

I’m Sorry!

I’M SORRY!

i looked back at him

& replied with a smile

‘thanks’

& walked away

m