I watched a stupid movie last night when I couldn't sleep. It was called Just Like Heaven with Reese Witherspoon. I don't know the male actor that played opposite her, but he was a widower, much like me, only his wife passed away suddenly from a brain annurism.
In February of 2000, I lost my precious Amy to a re-occurance of breast cancer. She faught a long battle with it, lasting over a year, until she took her last breath. The hardest part of it was, she ignored all the signs that her cancer had returned, despite my concerns.
I was married to her for 17 glorious years. Well, not all of them glorious, but if you look back at it as a whole, it was. She left me with two beautiful daughters, which you can see in my photos.
I cried when she died. But it wasn't until the next morning in church. Looking back I wonder if I cried by what was being said about her of if I cried about her being gone. Funny, you allways want to sit in the front row at church, but that's not the reason I wanted to sit there.
Her memorial was increadible. I rented the senior center in the town where we lived and the word was put out about the service. I never realized how many lives she touched until that day. Over 400 people showed up. We had to open the folding walls into the dining room to hold the overflow. My oldest daughter sang "Wide Open Spaces" by the Dixie Chicks, as it was a last request by her mother, and a Friend of mine wrote and sang an origanal sang called "When Amy Smiles".
The reason I am writting this blog is because I cried for her last night. The first time in about 6 years. Since then I got remarried, then divorced, and I wonder if I am only allowed one true love in a lifetime. As I cried for her, I begged her to let me move on, because my ex-wife often told me that Amy was in the way of our relationship. Well, I've been in a deep blue funk these last few days, and I confessed this to a friend of mine the other night, but he doesn't get it because he's been married 3 or 4 times and they all ended disasterously. He doesn't get the great feeling of loss that I do for having a 17 year marriage.
Another reason I am writing this is because it is on my heart to write it. I loved that woman more than anyone I've ever known. I love my children just as much, but it's a different kind of love you have for youe children. My ex tried to tell me she understood what it was like loosing someone close when her mother died, but I told her, it's just not the same. So here I am, on the brink of my 49th birthday (see my counter on my home page), and I wonder if I'll ever find happiness again.
So much for my pitty party. Encouragement encouraged.
Coming soon, pictures of Amy covering our 17 years.
Will
Re-released for better box office
