Adult Fairy Tales
CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up.
Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother.
"Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a Pumpkin three hours ago!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.
He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no
Prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly,
Peter, Peter, something or other..."
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PINOCCHIO Had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex.
Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him,
"How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
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LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said,
"Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a . 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said,
"No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
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MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,
"You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied,
"I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking
Goofy."
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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship.
The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale,
"Lets both swim under the ship and blow out our air hole at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."
They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors were swimming to the safety of the shore.
The male whale was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female,
"Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore"
At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him
"Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."
