Ok, these are really funny!! I hope you enjoy them, too! Have a great day :0)
>These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
>things
> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
>published
>by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these
>exchanges
>were actually taking place.
>
>
>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>_______________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
>WITNESS: July 18th.
>ATTORNEY: What year?
>WITNESS: Every year.
>_____________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>WITNESS: Yes.
>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>WITNESS: I forget.
>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
>forgot?
>_____________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
>WITNESS: Forty-five years.
>_____________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
>morning?
>WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>WITNESS: My name is Susan.
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
>voodoo?
>WITNESS: We both do.
>ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
>WITNESS: We do.
>ATTORNEY: You do?
>WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
>he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>____________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
>WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
>________________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>WITNESS: Yes.
>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>WITNESS: Uh....
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>WITNESS: Yes.
>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
>WITNESS: None.
>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>WITNESS: By death.
>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
>notice which I sent to your attorney?
>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
>people?
>WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
>to?
>WITNESS: Oral.
>______________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
>autopsy on him!
>____________________________________________
>
>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>WITNESS: Huh?
>____________________________________________
>
>And the best for last
>
>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
>pulse?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
>began
>the autopsy?
>WITNESS: No.
>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>practicing law.
Note: Sender does not necessarily agree with the opinions stated in this email. Thank you for your cooperation.