Dust in the wind's blog: "a diamond in the rough"

i cant wait to get out on the road and into a truck... i got to see the inside of my moms trainer truck and it was pretty nice and i thought that was pretty neat.. call me a dork or weird or what ever u want i thought it was something i cant wait to experience i got the chance to actually sit in the driver seat and for a second i could imagine what it will be like to drive something like that soon ... and i think im going to like doing it haha ok... enough with wasteing your time... muah!!! XoXoXOOXxxOoXo

youd like to think this was about some dirty little secret... truth is... this really has nothing to do with sideways...maybe it should be called the long distance tango....i show i care and you ignore me you show you still care and ill ignore you... back and fourth its a loseing battle between broken hearts trying to prove god knows what... maybe that were stronger while we hurt when we show no emotion to that of whom we cherish... i think that thats the way it goes....when u show weakness and emotion it makes the other party obvilious to the fact that they are hurting you they dont see it or they know they do and they ingore it.. and then you wonder why they do such things... because when you build your esteem back up..when you build your strength and heart back to stable... they show there weakness... or well i dunno if its weakness excately.. maybe they jsut realize that they were being douchebags all this time for acting like you didnt exist... im just.... there has to be a point where you deside that your not going to play that game anymore... your not going to give that effort any more... if they really want to talk to you and or really truely miss you they will come back and show it.. and hopefully if they do it wont be to late for them to make amends.... ive spent to much time wondering if i was being lied to again if i was being told things i wanted to hear just because they didnt want to tell me the truth...im not stupid....if they or he loved me like he said he did so long ago he wouldnt ingore me and hurt me like he has... this is about my past.. my present state...as much as id like to have made a nicer blog about better things.. theres somethings that i have to get off my chest my past isnt over yet i dont know whats going on with it actually...pretty much its ignoring me and im getting tired of being ignored and know having answers whether or not its because thinking about things hurt to much to talk about or whatever the reason be...give me the cold shoulder and ill return the favor evol.... look in the mirror and i know it hurts... belive me ive dealt with it for far to long now and love me or hate me... either way show it...everybody knows there not getting much out of me anyways...and im not giving anything up

You will see.. your the star thats fading lost in the space between... the sky and myself ..your out of reach..its where ive placed you... all of you.. just out of reach...i make it impossible to be successful or is it the other way around.. this is not my place or time...if i reached for the stars i can disappoint plenty... tell me when i go out on the road how will love work... would you be able to survive and keep love strong or would you move on..love is impossible to find.. its impossible to keep the loves that are true.. but to find that person that regardless of jobs,location, communication.. you can love and be faithful to if i could find that impossible find..the guy to put the stars in my eyes again..life would be one step happier.. every body wants to be the light is someones eyes,weather or not you are is another story...

my 1st auction ever.. anyone ant to own me please feel free to bid and rate!!! pretty please :)

February 22, 2009 1. PiscesPisces (2/19-3/20) It's a good idea to spend some time thinking about what you want to do next in life -- where do you want to travel? What experiences do you want to have? What people do you want to meet? Daydreaming about your future is free, it's fun, and it's something you totally control. Stretching yourself to imagine what could be will help you lay the groundwork for future goals and future adventures! And you'll have the time, especially later in the afternoon.

when you look up at the sky and see the stars... and the beautiful bright lit moon.. when you think that your alone.. with nobody there to veiw the night with you..when your at all wits end ready to give up hope.. ready to stop caring.. just think.. somebody is out there doing the exact the very same thing...somebody like me... i want my rockstar... i dont usually care about valentines day..ive never really gotten anything from it in past maybe a rose one time... im not usually very girly.. but eventually id like something that shows real meaning..something that wont die... something that isnt a last minute idea all the time...it wouldnt even have to be fancy.. im a pretty simple person..eventually id like to get to that ...that place in life that i find mr romantic.. that doesnt mean a girly man..although.. i could get a good laugh outta making fun of little things at times lol.. but seriously.. going into doing the cdl/truck driving thing... i doubt im gonna find or even get into something like that for sometime.. i find it hard to trust..simply starting a realtionship off the internet again..i find it hard to trust that who i get with will be loyal and faithful and honest..i find it hard to believe that if i fall for somebody that i can believe every or anything they say because they could be telling the same story to every other chick they talk to on the net i can handle flirting... thats pretty easy... but to be just one of the little ladys that you choose to talk to and flirt with and make plans with while other girls from your page are checking me out as if to wonder who the hell am i..or to hear other girls pop up and begin to start trouble jsut to see where it leads to.. thats a good way to discover where you stand with a person... to allow somebody else to beable to start shit... simply because they find it amuseing.. you know there are people that can find love from the internet.. thousands of people already have... so dont try to tell me that its a stupid idea or that its jsut lame.. because i dont think it is...I know that it is possible and that it can happen.. an old good friend of mine found his love here off of the fu and hes soon to get married.... if i cant find love in the real world with outthe help of a site on the comp im sure as hell willing to take another chance with love from the net.. Anyways..... i dont really know the point of writing all of this.. i jsut fell like talking.. and who better to tell it to then to everybody here...well at least anybody thats willing to give a few mins of there time lol So my birthday is in 15days.maybe 14now which ever u wantto consider it.....yup... the big 21... if anybody is reading this and actually gives a damn of intrest....id appreciate some love night

Love... its such a strong emotion...its an emotion i havent felt it months... in the right terms... ive been single for a few months... but my heart has yet to be given back to me... its been outside of my chest afraid to come back to me alone with out the person that it was given to a year ago.. the sad thing is that i do think about somebody.. i think about them often... i wonder if ill ever be able to let myself open up and jsut accept the new adventures that could lye before me... i think about the different opportunities that i could have... that i could take... but im just not sure if im ready to love again... i know not ever man is the same although alot can be alike... i let one opportunity pass me by because i couldnt commit.. and i feel this one could be goin down that hole to... yes im talking about somebody here on the fu..outside of the fu..the only realtionships i think about is the last... i have this really strong brick wall..it lets me filter the things that may stand a chance.. it lets me counter the pick up lines and the sleezy crude comments.. and as well as keep and arms lengh distance at all times im not concieted i dont think that i can control anything... you like me because you like me weather it is just for conversation or to look at... but i have it in my head that the conversation has to start form the other end the intrest has to start from your end and im a hard to get type of chick.. like me or not i could care less...ill give anybody the time of day but repetition is jsut something that grows old quick for me i guess.. and im not talkin simple repetation.. no its a different repetition that sounds like the same thing that you dont like to hear...like it or not itsthe truth..ill go though phases where ill be like hell yea let do that or ill go though the phases that i really want to do that and it jsut never happens.. more so my adventurios side has dissappeared at least 80% compared to what it use to be like when it comes to expectations.. i dont expect much... i have my dreams and fantisies and hopes that one day ill get that but i simply cant please anybody.. i cant impress anybody and make everybody happy i love company of good people and good conversation and if you cant accept myself and my vices.. then i dont give a fuck about it...if im not worth the time or effort or the patience.. then your not worth mine its not that i dont see i see.. and i know..and i can feel all the things i want but my heart isnt there.. its not ready to be picked...Im trying to get it back and putit where it belongs for whom ever to steal in next ..but right now its jsut not there... simply put thats whats goin though my head... i could ramble on about my hard headed mind set but ill save it... for another time..