First off dont flatter yourself, as I DON'T want you back. I am just writing to inform you of some things I think you should know. Most of the things I said while between the sheets with you were lies. I'm generally not a liar; in fact, I insist upon the truth at most times. I know it does not absolve me of my deception, but understand that I said these things to placate your insecurities, because I knew that your performance depended upon my stroking of your ego more than it did my stroking your cock. I have learned confession is good for the soul; thus, I am confessing in this said letter. However, so allow me to clue you in on how spot-on--if often times cruel -- my thoughts have been with reguard to you and your obvious to everyone but YOU lack of sexual prowess :
When I said it was an " OK " size, I swear, what I really meant was, " I've had bigger; infact they've all been bigger. Are you going to fuck me or write me a note, Mr Golf Pencil? "
When I said it was deeper than anyones ever been before; what I really meant was, " Please stop it, youre bruising my cervix! "
When I said you last a really long time in missionary position; what I really meant was, " I'm through counting cealing tiles can we wrap this up already? I need to do the dishes k thanks? "
When I said it tasted " AMAZING " what I really meant was, " I'm amazed im able to contain my non gag reflex reputation and not hurl in your lap, Mr. Asparagus and Gasoline Smoothie! "
When I smiled as if thinking naughty thoughts in between licks of your cock as you moaned loudly, I was really grinning because I wanted so badly to laugh out loud at the ridiculously loud, animalistic sounds you were making.
When I pulled your head out of my lap and silently mouthed the words " FUCK ME " what I really meant to say was, " Enough already! you dont take direction very well, and its painfully obvious youd need a map, a gps device and a huge neon sign at the destination to find a clit. so lets skip to the next step ok? i'm getting MAJORLY bored.. I just HOPE you get this step right! "
When I saw you tearing open the Magnum XL condoms, I smiled, not because I was impressed by your endowment, but rather because I was amused at how incredibly delusional you were.
When I cut our kiss short and whispered " I want you now " what I really meant was, " Good Grief! Youre a horrible kisser! Lets just fuck and get this over with! "
So now that I have confessed to you all of your self-lacking areas maybe you can work on them and be thankful that we dont have any close mutial friends. So that no one will be aware of how abyssmal you are in the sack. Be thankful I was enough of a lady to neither spoil the moment nor hurt your feelings by being blunt..
P.S. Just a note for yourself. The ONLY time you EVER per-say made me reach an orgasm was by PHONE SEX, and that was only because I NOT YOU was doing the work! Shows how good in the sack you are eh?
