Adult: 4 Jokes! These jokes may or may not be adult jokes!
"Ham And Eggs"
Although he always ordered just ham and eggs
everyday, one customer at the diner always
studied the menu carefully each day before
ordering.
One day, his regular waitress decided to see
if he could be made to order anything else.
Before giving him the menu she marked out
the ham and eggs entry.
Once the customer had looked over the menu
for a few minutes, the waitress approached him
and asked, "Sir, did you notice that I scratched
something you like?"
Without looking up from the menu, he quickly
replied, "Well, then go wash your hands and
bring me some ham and eggs."
=============(Plus)===================
"Women And Sex"
70% of women who smoke have had more than 4 lovers
in the last year while 60% of female non-smokers had none.
Women who respond to sex surveys in mags like Cosmo
may have 5 times as many lovers as typical women.
Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often
as those who don't.
Women with a Ph.D. are twice as likely to be turned on by
the thought of anonymous sex as women who never got a
bachelor's degree.
Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy oral
sex (giving and receiving) than high school dropouts.
National birthrates rise and fall with the height of
heels.
In a bar or nightclub, the hemlines and necklines of
unaccompanied women rise and fall (respectively) during
ovulation.
Women who have a positive attitude towards sex tend to
be less achievement oriented.
White teenage girls who live with single mothers are 60%
more likely to have sex before the age of 18 than those
who live with both parents. The percentage is much lower
for black girls.
Women who lost their virginity before their 18th birthday
are likely to be twice as sexually active as women who
don't.
Atheists, non-Christians and Jews are tend to be more
sexually active than practicing Christians.
Women who have spent a night in jail are almost 50%
more likely to have had more than 10 lovers in the past
year than women with no criminal record.
Australian women are more likely to have sex on the first
date.
Latino women have sex more often than either Blacks or
Whites, who get down at roughly the same rate.
Black women are 50% more likely than White women to
come every time they have sex.
White women, especially those with a college degree,
are the most receptive to anal sex.
20% of women who live with their boyfriends have more
than one sex partner.
So, you know what this means? Yup...all you guys have
to go looking for:
A 1/4 Aussie/1/4 Latino/1/4 Black/1/4 White Atheist with
a Ph.D., wearing a low neckline and high heels during
happy hour in a swanky bar, smokes, has a criminal
record, reads Cosmo and Barbara Cartland, and who
lives with her single mom, shouldn't be too hard to get.
Happy hunting.
===================(Also)======================
Subject: XXX LOL's:
Not So Clean LOL's!
A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast.
"Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of
toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks.
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really
taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A
bowl of home-made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese
sandwich?" she inquires.
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really
taken the edge off my appetite."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
She'll go to the store and buy him some food. "Would
you like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe you'd like
a pizza micro waved or a tasty stir-fry? That would
only take a couple of minutes."
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really
taken the edge off my appetite."
"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then?
I'm starving!"
*--------------------------(And)------------------------------*
*Being on Welfare*
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches
straight up to the counter and says, "Hi, you know,
I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have
a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your
timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old
man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his
nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but
he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long
hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas
holiday trips.
You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the
garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy says, "You're bull shitting me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started
it."
