2341649's blog: "Writings."

created on 12/16/2008 | http://fubar.com/writings/b265915

posted on 04/04/2009&nbs-07:00;@&nbs-07:00;12:04&nbs-07:00;am

Blah
http://fubar.com/blah/b265915-1005150

I hate, no matter how far away you go. No matter how hard you try to mask things. Old feelings and thoughts creep out of the darkness and suffocate you. The worst part is when people start trying to blame themselves for how you feel or act like you don't appreciate them trying to cheer you up. Its not even like that! When I get like this I just want to crawl into a dark hole and stay there.

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posted on 02/24/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;10:02&nbs-08:00;pm

Jumbled thoughts.
http://fubar.com/jumbled-thoughts/b265915-979036

My mind is a jumbled array of miscellaneous thoughts. Scattered puzzle pieces not really fitting together to make any sort of sense. Its sad when you realize that you have let a good friend walk all over you on countless occasions. Use you for his own comfort and discards you until the next time. It didn't really hit me until tonight; he admitted to me that he came to me for advice when his now ex-girlfriend was confusing him; because I know how to make him smile. Tonight after almost 2 weeks he came to me again because he was upset about thoughts he was having about her. I don't opt to be someone's leaning post. I swear sometimes it a curse being a good listener. Another random thought. Why do women complain about getting negative attention when they dress so scandalously clad? Of course its going to draw sexual attention from the opposite sex. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to see this. On the other hand men shouldn't automatically think with their small head when they see a lady dressed sexy; doesn't mean she wants to fuck you. I guess this topic is a double sided blade.

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posted on 02/09/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;06:02&nbs-08:00;pm

I'm Sorry or Am I?
http://fubar.com/i-m-sorry-or-am-i/b265915-969696

Sometimes I feel like such a complicated person. People don't seem to understand why I do and say the things I do. Especially when I get down. Its a normal occurrence for me and people constantly try to push the matter not grasping that if you push it I will further draw myself in. I go into shutdown mode and will refuse to talk at all. Some view it as me being a bitch. I just have my walls built to high. Very few people have ever been able to break them down and almost all those people ended up breaking me. It's just me defense mechanism. Take me as I am or move on. On another note. I am so tired of being people's friends when its convenient for them. If you really give a damn about someone you wouldn't be that way. / rant

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posted on 01/25/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;11:01&nbs-08:00;pm

Coldhearted?
http://fubar.com/coldhearted/b265915-961195

It seems as of lately people have not been able to understand my way of thinking. I guess I may appear to come off as "cold-hearted". For starters; I question everything. It is my logical side. Even if there is not a puzzle in front of me. My brain will event one. It will work overtime until it finds something in my life to question. People don't seem to understand why I don't believe the bull most people dish out. Along with being logical; I have to see some things in order to believe it. Of course there is my other side that is caring and emotional. Sometimes my logical side kicks that sides ass.

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posted on 01/12/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;05:01&nbs-08:00;pm

and he let her get away.
http://fubar.com/and-he-let-her-get-away/b265915-952926

She was always "the one that got away". Nobody could ever measure up to her or seemed good enough in his eyes. As much as he claimed to me that I was his ideal mate. I always knew he longed for her and her presence; although absent; tormented his very existence. She was most men's idea of the perfect girl. Blonde, petite, intelligent and drop dead gorgeous. The pain she caused his young heart forced him to believe he could never trust another women. Thus, ruining future relationships. Long ago I stopped pursing a relationship with him. We were better off as friends. We were two lost souls thrust together by circumstance; we both needed someone at the time so we could heal. Contact became scarce over the last year or so. Life took us in different directions. Yet, we always knew when each other was about to hit rock bottom and made sure we were there for one another. The last time I contacted him he told me he was spending time with her. "The one who got away". A few days ago he contacted me and I learned their relationship was rocky. He felt as though she was losing interest. I didn't want to be harsh; they werent the same people from long ago. People grow up and change and I don't think he took this into prospective when he got back together with her. He was worried that he was going to lose his dream girl a second time. I gave the best advice I could. He needed to talk to her. He has been known to constantly bottle up his emotions and worries. Until he eventually explodes and blows things way out of proportion. In the end... He let her go. I have a lot of respect and admiration for this. It takes a non-selfish person to let the one they love go. If you love someone you want to see them happy. Even if this means without you. On the other hand I feel so bad. I'm the one who told him to talk to her and tell her how he felt. He said I shouldn't feel bad because if it weren't for me he never would have told her and would have been hurt worse later down the line.

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posted on 01/06/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;02:01&nbs-08:00;am

No Antidote
http://fubar.com/no-antidote/b265915-948785

No, this is not about anyone. I just couldn't sleep and it came to me. Under my skin your vile memory pumping through my veins taste lingering, scorching, tainting my lips Baby, there is no antidote for unrequited love sultry fingers ghostly, tracing enticing, intoxicated by your vampiric-like essence I need an antidote for unrequited love Juliet's dagger penetrating lacerating rupturing my soul star-crossed antidotes- misplaced in time

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posted on 01/04/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;11:01&nbs-08:00;pm

Random Stuff...
http://fubar.com/random-stuff/b265915-948145

- Why do people ask for your opinion when they don't listen to you or want to hear what you honestly have to say? Seriously, stop wasting my fucking time! I am going to have to drop down the sign "The Doctor is NOT in" - Girls, just because I rate/comment/talk to your boyfriend/husband does NOT mean I am interested in them. Get the hell over yourselves! If you are that insecure in your relationship I think its about time you set down and talk to your man. -Men, just because I rate/comment/check out your profile. Does by no means mean I am even slightly interested in what you have lurking in those nsfw folders. -I want to know what the big picture is. I want to know what life has in store for me. Where will all these twist and turns lead me?

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posted on 01/03/2009&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;03:01&nbs-08:00;am

Thoughts...
http://fubar.com/thoughts/b265915-947095

This is a random list of thoughts and things I have learned as I have gotten older. -Its alright to cry every once in awhile. We are human after all. -The saying is true "Never make someone your priority when you're only their option." You'll waste you're life on someone who doesn't really give a damn about you. -Don't spend your time caring about what others think. If they can't show you respect and like you for who you are; then honestly they aren't worth your time. -Tell the ones close to you how you feel about them. You never know when it will be your last chance. -People come into our lives; sometimes for a short while but they can leave a lasting impression. -Dream...dream...dream...life without dreams is an empty one. {Im sure this will be added to at a later point}

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2341649