Machell's blog: "Writing"

Silence...welcomed yet cursed I sit alone within these walls my thoughts wander over the events that have come to pass Such hatred built up for a time, now just turned to a coldness I never thought I could possess. As every breath is drawn over my lips, another droplet of hope, love, trust freezes over. Icicles forming where my insides once were So cold, yet anger and hatred still burn with such a fierce flame. Rational thought seems to come and go like a gift that cannot be controlled. Most moments are filled with the insanity and rage I never thought hatred would be the foremost of my emotions. It seems to have consumed the others so quickly. Visions and dreams of happy thoughts now overshadowed with destruction and vengeance. So crisp, crystal clear and vivid, it's almost as if I can taste the blood or hear the screams, feel the excitement of retribution. Each day I struggle to suppress the beast that seems to grow within me. Beating it down with a small fraction of hope that still gives off a flicker of light deep within my soul. But I feel it slipping. I feel the light fade out from time to time, in time it will be consumed in the darkness. The Beast will surface and the rage will power it's destructive force. To stop fighting would surely put an end to the torment ...or would it? Would my soul being consumed within the blackness of the beast bring rest or eternal unrest? Would fighting ever bring an end to the internal torment that rages inside me? Only destiny knows the answer. For now I fight, but each day, I grasp a tiny bit more of the darkness as it attaches deeply to my soul. For now the beast lies locked inside the cage of my inner existance. I dread yet yearn for the day it breaks from within the graps of confinement. Yet now a flicker shines brighter with each day, hidden in the guise of something I never imagined. Will the light save me or shall the darkness prevail? Only time shall reveal my fate. ****DISCLAIMER***** The above was a work written about 3 yrs ago depicting an inner struggle of emotions. It has nothing to do with literal "beasts" or "devils" or any crap like that. Thank you - now back to your regularly scheduled programming....

Walls I gaze into the water I watch the moons silvery reflection bouncing off the surface Tears well up in my eyes, I continue to stare, searching, pleading For that piece of evidence, Even just a glimpse, Evidence of once was, A reflection of me, That might just prove, once and for all, I still have a soul Who can break these walls that protect me These walls built from heart ache and heart break These walls that define me These walls that confine me That hold my love in These walls took many years These walls built from my loss, these walls built from my fears Who can break these walls of ice and skepticism? When do I let that special man destroy my defenses? To set me free, what is his name, who and where is he? These walls have come down Its been done before I trusted, I lusted, I loved and been scorned My walls came down to just be built stronger again These walls that keep me warm These walls that keep love in These walls are always there Built by those that did not care The challenge is what they wanted they stepped on the prize These walls keep me in; Im my own prisoner here With out pain, with out heart ache, with out love, with out tears Who shall break these walls? These walls are my protector and tormentor, there one in the same Who shall break these walls? No one To die alone with just these walls That is my fear Why wont they fall?