I am really dumb founded at people these days, however what should we expect from a society out for themselves.
I am speaking of just things I am seeing and realizing in people I can't understand. Why is it so hard to tell the truth? I am not understanding why that is...Or why is it so hard for others to be there or be concerned for someone else?
I am speaking of humans in general...family...friends...the government...anyone in the system that helps others.
I never realized about the help...until I needed it...Now that I am sick, without my parents because they have both passed on and the help, just isn't comming, I never realized that it was this bad.
I do have friends...I do have family and I love both of all of them very much. I guess I feel like as much of a care giver that I have been my entire life...I felt I would have more support. I know that some people can't give what they don't have or are't able to give. I also know there are people that are just not willing to give at all. (speaking of emotional support)
I have applied for disability because I have an illness that is incurable and I have cronic pain 24/7 I am seriously ill right now, but not all the time. This illness will kill me...but hopefully I will live a long life!! Now with disability...they are taking their sweet time giving me an answer...I have been fighting them for 6 years. I finanlly went to court, now the judge is taking her time making the decision. I am starting to get scared about my utilities getting turned off...getting my medication...all this junk, plus trying to stay healthy is very hard to do.
So this is where I thought, I would have some sort of support. I mean what am I suppose to think?
I told my doc today, If I didn't have my cat...and be forced to get up and feed her cause I love her...I wouldn't have got up...I am that discouraged and sick. You get to the point where you are tired of fighting and crying...being scared...worring and just being you know? I am not looking for a PITY PARTY from anyone. I am not saying I have never gotten support...or don't appreciate what I have got. What I am saying is I will never have what I need I do know that.
On the way home from the DOC I was crying because...I am a big baby, that is freakin scared right now...I heard "HERO" by M. Carey and listened to the words very intently...I am going to do this. I can, and will be ok...I am going to have bumps in the road But I will be my hero!
I haven't been able to work for a while now. What I would give to have the health some people have that hate to work. I loved working! I would work 16 hours a day sometimes. I miss that life I will never have back. So one thing to think about when you get up and hate to go to work...appreciate the fact that you can go and work. I am glad that I am alive, just miss my old life.
Well I guess I am through babbling and rambling on. Some things you just need to get off your chest!
Life just gets better and better!!
