Guillermo's blog: "Works"

Murder.  Killing.  Destroying. Saving.  Every act you commit, every word you speak is hate-filled and pleasing.  Everything is a balance of Chaos and Order.  Calling it good or evil is a personal choice. The death of those in the World Trade Center towers was seen as an evil act by the citizens of the United States.  Those that are responcible see it as a great and wonderful act.  Niether is correct yet both are right.  People in general are blind.  Refusing to realize anothers view.  Learning to hate them for having differing beliefs.  Yet as much as they may force their view as the sole vaiable truth, another will act out against that ignorance. Hatred fuelled by the stubborn nature of man.  I am to kill your brother.  You would dispise me for that one act.  Deem me evil and wrong.  Yet I would deem myself a hero.  No matter the reason for my action.  It is Chaotic, to end a life.  However the act can be construde as good or evil upon your stance.  Man will never rise above their own petty personal ignorant opinions.  They are always right and all others who oppose are wrong.  The great and wonderous race, only animals to destroy themselves.

You sit under a slim palm tree.  The sun glaring down, burning.  Flies zoom about you.  The continuous bite of insects a distant annoyance.  Eyes aching trying to take in what surrounds you.  A dull throbbing preventing any clear thought.  Children running about, parents smiling chasing them down.  Faint voices discussing the events of the past week.  Each opinning how greatly they were affected.  How fortunate their homes stand. 

An evil time now gone, a faint memory.  Yet that memory is strong and alive within you.  A luxurious home, top of the line sports car, wealthy family all gone.  The christmas party where your daughter announced her engagment.  Not a person heard your voice.  The birth of your grandchild.  Joyous, yet that child did not feel your touch.  The death of your mother.  Not a soul heard your kind and loving words.  Reaching out to hold her husband you embrace air.  Losing everything you held dear.  Not a soul reaches out to help you up. 

Born alone.  Live alone.  Die alone.  The kind acts commited neglected.  Mistakes made announced.  Press on to your own ends.  The burden alone you bare. 

The world moves on about you.  A single glance is cast and travel continues. Once upon a time you committed the same sins.  Looking for improvment of your own worth.  Struggling with great pride, laying there awaiting death's warm, subtle touch.  Yet even death merely glances.  Leaving you to your eternal hell.  Pondering the true worth of a living being to another.  The new sun breaks the clouds.  It's warmth carressing your cold skin.  It's light sending aches through your lifeless eyes. Another day to wander aimlessly through.  The world, and humanity, caring nothing for any other.  Self preserving as they see fit.

Standing on the edge my fall is inevitable. Will the fall be for Balance or for Chaos. There is little hope of Order arising from meeting turmoil. The wounds will be worth the price with either decision.

Closing my eyes I feel the currents moving about me.  The roars of combat and the peace of home.  Surrounded by fighters and blood. Watching over my family. Fear in the eyes of allies and foes. Love on the faces and eyes of my girls.

The black cliffs are comforting and welcoming. The fall continues to call, its depth unfathomable. The fear it evokes calling greater strength. An unknown coupled with hope and longing. An unknown coupled with familiarity and history.

A final roar, rising from within me, stills the currents.  Twisting them around myself I dive into the unknown. The wings of Chaos propelling faster and further in. My choice is made. My fate is in my hands. I will be home soon.

The harder I try to walk away from my past. My past self, my past events, the harder I fall.  I have tried to be positive and kind and full of what so many ignorantly worship, the light. While it is uncomfortable I make the effort to be what I have not been.

The pain goes, as does all pain, yet the only lesson that prevails and repeats itself is rather simple. Do not live in lies.  Living as if the world were a kind place and full of love and caring is a lie.  Living as if hope will protect your wishes is foolish.

Having hope is not foolish so long as it does not lead you to being lazy about achieving or realizing those wants and wishes.  Living as if life were anything but unbiased is ignorant.  Life does not feel any spite nor pride towards any living creature.

I missed one wing for a long time and I thank the beautiful young lady that restored it. Our time together was fun and I will hold those moments dearly.  I had my one desire granted, to have it taken away. That time I too will hold dearly.

So I have spread my wings of Light and Darkness. I payed  the price for retracting shields and chains that bound.  I have paid the price for ending agreements.  The protection once offered is gone.  As someone I hold close to the dark heart I am showed me I will seal dreams and memories. 

My memory will suffice and soon, as has always been the case, I will be a shadow.  May my lost family live well and happy. I will not be watching. Not this time will I suffer.

I will stand before the enemy

It seeks to destroy for its own sake

I, like it, seek to destroy

Also for no personal gain

Simply to act and leave an impact through destruction

My blade in my right hand lies dormant

A power pulses in my left hand

The reason and source of power, of life, changes

My reasons for living have strayed from the path of emotionless action

Be damned what I wish, do what is needed

There I stand before my enemy with hope beside me

Everything has been such a haze.
Suffering loss after loss for countless years. 

With every small ray of hope
Greater pain follows.

To be as I once was.
To have no love, no sympathy

To be in control of my own emotions once again.
A shadow leaving a frost, a sheet of ice where I travel.

A light that will not fade.
A pain brought by a world no longer shrouded in darkness.

Comforts are lost
A sad happiness now takes hold.

Let the Dragons soar on wings of Chaos.
Let the Demons rule on lands of Light.

The Gods drop their hammers with might upon the celestial anvil causing horrifying storms.  Storms that rage through the hearts minds and body's of men.  Causing the mightiest of men to cower at their mere mention.  Only to exact their vengeance upon those that are helpless, trapped in their own prisons.

Starved, beaten tortured souls cry out silently as they in turn strike at their neighbor.  Feeling a small measure of satisfaction they are then rewarded with yet more violence.  The elderly man assaults his son, as his son beats his children.  The children grow and return the beatings inflicted upon them upon those they received it from, ending the beginning yet become a new beginning upon themselves.

In time many learn to build others through false praise and become more powerful than those that inflict the physical pains which heal in time.  False smiles, gifts and praise.  The tools of the weaker bodied man.

Yet a new breed is born, those that have the mental power and physical strength to triumph over others.  Again it begins, a new generation free of the sins.  Born into a word that harbors hatred toward them for simply being born.

Beaten, they grow hateful and turn what was forced upon them onto others.  A rare sight the one child that grows to be unscarred deeply by man.  This rare child becomes the focus of hatred from all others.  They are united in the single cause to end this life.

The wisest among us examines the acts of hatred shown in everyday life.  Every moment is filled with horrid violence.  Be it physical, mental or spiritual.  Man has sought to destroy themselves and in so destroy others as well.  No ego ever wins for triumphing over one you must continue to triumph and in the end there is no true victor.

The idea of perfection is valid only in ones own mind. One will always, if not directly, indirectly force their idealistic view of perfection on the world.

Many speak of protecting children from abuse, yet no one seems to understand that abuse of another will harm a child by being present.  I have lost children of my own, lost those closest to me, lost those I considered family, and lost, worst of, all myself.

To this day I seek myself yet have found parts that create what seems a whole.  Yet I know deep in my dark, hate filled heart there is far more missing than appears to be found.