Witch Doctor's blog: "Words on Paper"

I think I'm going to just pick a object out of the hat so to speak and write about it. See how it goes. Sometimes I feel the need to sit at the piano and play something. Most usually something I have learned in the past. However, sometimes I like to just sit and play whatever comes to mind. Its normally something sweet and soft, that flows gently from one chord to the next. I take for granted that the years I spent learning the art, has helped me with what I can do today. Playing two different things with either hand, I supposed is a learned skill that I often forget most cannot do. I do enjoy playing the slower sonatas, anything that can allow me to, in so many words, make love to, I enjoy playing. I love to watch the look in someones eyes, how they feel to me while I am playing. I sense the goosebumps, and I relish it. I use to enjoy some of the faster pieces, as they tend to require greater skill, though not as much anymore. Perhaps that will change, I do go through cycles, where one day I will like one type and another day I'll like another.

I hurt today, alone, frustrated, angered. I seek to be loved, to love someone. It always seems that its just one side. Alone in this darkness, my inner pains, outweighing the outer pains by much. I grow envious of what I do not have, it consumes me, it saddens me. I grow tired of mere words, I seek proof that someone really cares. Not all are willing to give such, for words are easier. So I sit here, in this char, the sounds of a lounge pounding through my ears, the pain of my back, my knee, and all other recent injuries are meaningless. I'd gladly take on any pain, to no longer sit alone in my darkness, waiting for someone to turn on the light. But does it occur? Will it ever? I sometimes think complete darkness, void of all thoughts and life itself, would be less painful. I guess those that really care, would hate it if it happened, but they don't stand nor walk in my shoes. It seems that they are uncaring that they walk the world alone. I envy their strength. My family will appear out of no where, they will attack me verbally, they will tell me I have problems, because I lack motivation, they will blame the bottle or the beer, call it the reason I feel like I do. But what do they really know? Every single one of them has their own family, how could they possibly know what it is to walk in my shoes? HOW? Here I sit, watching people who are in worse shape them myself, get tons of attention. I should be happy for them, but NO, I'm jealous, angered even, very envious, what can I do? I get lied to played with, walked on, stomped on even. But who cares? Go Fuck yourself grey. Get over it.

There are aspects in people that find to be positive, yet other aspects that find to be negative. Another way of saying it is a like and a dislike. My number one thing that I like by someone, is a person who can keep their word. If I tell someone I will do something, than I will do it. It might take me a bit to get to it, but I will do it. My word is my bond. If I say, I will do this for you today, than I will do it that day. I have known many who tell me they will do something, than just don't do it at all, and it hurts me. As I would do whatever I said I would for them. I do not care for those that believe they are better than anyone else. I do not like a racist or a prejudice person. These people are ignorant, and are not worth my time. What is worse they are willfully ignorant. I love a fellow romantic, someone I can lavish with love and sappy thoughts and actions. I do not like to made to feel guilty, nor do I like to cause that same feeling in another. I hate it when I do it to someone, cause its such an awful feeling. Its as if they are doing something just to please me, but not because they really want to, or they are doing something because they know they should, but aren't quite ready too. I will add more to this soon....

Moonlight splashes through my open window, the glow drenching me. I am caught up, and exposed. My thoughts go back, many moons before, when alone I would sit in darkness, waiting for my time to come. Reflections dance across her face, as she stands in the light of its glow. Her beauty pleases me, entices me, I find myself in a trance. In this fixated moment, what was once lost to me, has been found. I tremble, excited, pleased with the gift shown unto me. My heart flutters, I feel faint, never knowing I'd find such happiness. I wish to speak, but fear of loosing the scene keeps my words at bay. The sounds of the sonata, as I show love in my expression of music, enriches and enhances the room. My love, my sweet sweet love, eyes closed, basking in this moment of self ecstasy. She turns and smiles. My heart but Stops! As if time itself stands still. I loose myself, yet so easily maintain in my play. I no not hurry myself, yet the desire is so strong. With sheer force, I continue to let my music flow, to compliment the glows of the moonlit night, it capturing my lover in a perfect spot. She approaches me slowly, I am excited, yet ever so determined to finish what I have started. I force myself to concentrate, I reach the difficult place, as I slip past it, I feel her soft supple lips touch the skin of my cheek. Shivered, in heaven, the clouds themselves in my thoughts. I tremble and yet smile. My heart is but complete.

I stand here basking in the glow of a sunrise. The sand beneath my feet, the waves lightly crashing along the beach. A set of dolphins frolicking in the surf. The colors of the sky, reflections along the water, I stare in wonderment of the beauty that lays before me. Behind me someone approaches, soft tender foot steps, light crunch sounds on the sands of the beach. I feel as they approach, the anticipation in my soul it ever so builds. The gulls dance in the distance, having caught themselves a small bite from the oceans surface. The sun slowly begins to climb. The colors more vivid, purples, orange, reds. I am touched, it excites me, the hands of another slipping around me, her soft delicate touch, pulling at me so slightly, yet with determination. The sounds, the sights, the moment is but perfect. I find my self lost, my heart racing, as if the entire scene laid out before me is one out of a story book, a fantasy. I sigh softly to myself, excited, completed, pleasured. The arms now completely around me, reaching to hold unto my hands. I allow it easily. The sun breaks up over the water, I am bathed in its awe. A beautiful one holds me close, sharing the moment with me. I feel complete, needing nothing more, for this I am whole.