543466's blog: "words of a princess"

reality check 12 I am who i am, no cover ups no lies and yes i do what i have to in order to survive.I am the girl that was on top of her game always the one that was envied and got the fame, but see reality hit a slap in the face i tumbled from the top and brought my family disgrace. But years have passed and yes i made my mistakes i have no regrets not only did they change me they made me into the woman i am today. i lovemy life, my child and i work for what i want. things dont always go my ways and yes many nights i have cried myself to sleep over things i have done in my past. I have learned and now i step up i take a hold and yes i am being very blod. cause from this day on i am not that giel i am that woman that is on top of her game and gaining her fame.i do it honest i do it right and i will survive. My life is full of heartache and let down but at the same time there are so many things that just make me smile and those are the moments that pull me through and make me want to be the person i know i a going to be. When my family and so called friends tell me i will never make it i dont deserve that guess what that is fuel to the fire and i know i wil do it even better because they tell me i cant 2:27

If you want me....so true I know it?s not my place To tell you what you?re doing wrong Sometimes I think about your face And there?s times that I don?t think of you at all Yeah Tell me you need me and I will stay You believe me and I will wait That you?ll come back for me Every time I fall In your heart there?s just no place There?s no room to make a mistake And with one wrong turn You will never make it home I know you will never say What I did that made you feel so small I spent the whole year on my face Now with a little help I will stand up on my own, my own Tell me you need me and I will stay You believe me and I will wait That you?ll come back for me Every time I fall In your heart there?s just no place There?s no room to make a mistake And with one wrong turn You will never make it home Yeah If you want me Then you?ve got me Just never leave me alone Tell me you need me and I will stay You believe me and I will wait That you?ll come back for me Every time I fall Yeah Tell me your heart will never change That you?ll always feel the same That you?ll stand beside me Even if you think I?m wrong I was wrong If you want me Then you?ve got me Just never leave me alone

sad realization of reality you know i have really been thinking about thing lately and this is my vent. whe we are young we are niave to the ways of the world we go through our life wanting to be older. we want t be 16 so we can drive we want to be 18 so we can buy cigerette, get into clubs and be an adult and then best one of all is we want to be 21 so we can drink. Well im there. its not any different really. i remeber when i was in school i had friends who i thought would always be my bst friends. i had a boyfriend whom i thought would one day be my husband and we would have a nice house int he country with kids and a dog. well i have realized those that you think will always be there rarely are. and it isnt that it is necassarily their fault. it is just how life goes. some friends will go to college, some will have families, some get jobs in the city and move away. while others arent as lucky for a brighter future the town i spent majority of my life in seems to drag people down. Most of my friends whom i thoughtwould always be there are so strung out on meth and other shit that they have wasted there lives away. they have lost thier kids, they have been in jail, they have feony charges that will forever linger with them, and worst of all they have no ambition they are completely happy be the meth hore they have become. and these are not people you would typically label white trash. they come from a strong family they graduated school and maybe attempted coolege but now they cant even hold a legitamit job at a gas station. it breaks my heart to go back home because i know i was one of the lucky ones. i know wht they are going through i was there. i did my junior and senior year as high as a kite. i use to sneak into the bathroom just to get a bump of that shit that i thought would make me happier. it took over what could have been two of the best years of my life. when it first started i just did it for the energy ...then i did it because when i didnt the mood swings and withdrawels were to much to handel i pushed my family away, i pushed the loe of my life at that time away and i turned my back on friends. i put myself in an abusive relationship because he was a valuable hook up. i am not talking down on these people who do this now because i know how hard it is to just walk away there is something about that drug that justifies your idiotic actions into you thinking that is the best decision. i pissed aways my chances of a college education. i lost the respect of my family and i almost went to jail. I dont regret this though because when i finally relized i had nothing more to loose and no one to turn to it was my slap in the face that brought me back to reality. i guess part of the believed that once i quit everyone else would too....not true. it kills me to see my high school friends with the same zombie glazed look in their sunken eyes as i had . i can only pray that they will one day realize wht i realized because the only time you can change is when you really want to. no one can make you change. i thank god for the blessings he has given me and the blessings i still have yet to recieve i apoligize to those that i pushed away when they tried to help me and i pray for the ones who still need to be helped. god is good and he has a plan

My checklist well i am tired of guys who believe they can sweep me off my feet in two or three weeks. so i have developed a list of requirements, some may think im in it for material things but it isnt like that at all. they way i see it a guy who can support himself and still be able to have a little fun should meet these no problem. what is the deal with the 27 y/o+ living at home and no bills and still broke wtf!! 1. must have a place beside with family members.... 2. must have car 3. must have stable income 4. must have some type of education...no hs diploma or ged...dont wast your breath 5. preferrably have a pet 6. must have some type of bank account,,,the piggy bank inur sock drawer does not count 7. must be on respectable terms with atleast most of his family 8 preferrable have a child...no more than 2 9. no baby mama drama 10 cannot be in a existing relationship 11. can afford to take me out somewhere on a real date...dosent have to be fancy i rather have something simple that i can tell thought was put into 12. no lies 13. no cheaters 14. no bouncers 15. no bartenders 16. no drug habit!!! 17. preferrably smokes menthol 18. drinks OCCASSIONALLY...ocassionally is not every night!!!!!!!!!!!!! 19. no male hores 20.likes outdoors 21. good with a kid 22. so serious criminal history!! 23 can cook, or atleast help with dishes 24. can grill!!!! very important!!! 25. does not black out when drinking 26. not jealous, but i do want protective

Beliefs I believe that the appearance of what is genuine Can be a deception of the truth I believe that what we see everyday Is so much less than what acutally is I believe that the world can be so determined to move forward That we end up further behind than ever I believe that no one has really lived unless their heart has been broken I believe that our pain is glorified and hidden So as to make the emptiness lessen I believe that our faith in ourselves Detroys our reason to live I believe that denial of absolute truth Leaves us blind and alone, groping for answers I believe that a poet's soul Sees more than most ever will I believe tht our dreams Are the most beautiful gifts we have evr been given I believe that our presence of friends Is proof that god loves us I believe that the surrounding beauty Is something we often take for granted I believe that our stature in life Is more than materialistic possessions I believe that all our unspoken questions Are answered by our acceptance of what we've feared I believe that all our control is worthless in the face of life I believe that all our hidden fears will never leave unless we face them Finally i believe that our reason for existance Lies within our creator

The Dreams.... The Dreams the soft hush of your voice in my ear your warm breathe on my neck the brush of eyelashes across my cheeck the caress of your hand upon my thigh The unspoken words of your true thoughts Quicken breathing , drops of sweat The sharp drag of your teeth along my neck My each finger nail digging into your back With the slow relization of what is going on My head turning, my thoughts moving to fast the relization that its just a dream I see you next to me and i can't help but blush I talk to you in my nervous way and i can't help but giggle I can't sleep right Because all i think of is you All i can do is close my eyes at night So I can see only you

True Meanings 2/8/07 songs of sorrow scare me, for i fear the truth; the real meaning that relates to me reality, comes as fast as it can go truth, lies beneath us all lie, us the layer that gives one a bad reputation truth and lies; are the layers that bare ones faded soul and one's hollow darknesses hope, is ones hand to hold through life Hope, is ones only answer to these lies and truths Words are the least one can explain and describe ones feelings with...

Fire Power... i have beenexposed unclothed to the ways of the devil illegal search and seashers procedures of this new world hipocracy stoping me from being free so i fight back with guns my bodie the gu my brain the barrel my mouth the bullet i pull it and hit wit deadly accuracy perhaps i should be in jail because im deadly with words so read with caution cause its thoughts im tossin so until im put in jail i will forever be shooting my GUN

Monday, January 15, 2007 My Aphithany Current mood: accomplished ok i know it is like one in the morning and i have been at work all damn day and i should be in bed right now but i have been pondering something lately. i think i have had an ipithany(sp?) but i am twenty years old and soon to be twenty one i have a child and i have seen alot for someone of my tender age. Thanks to one of my very dear friends Amanda who first brought this to my attention i have been chewing on this thought for a while and it has really evolved into something. We ALL have our young and stupid days...one night stands, sex with someone who we THINK is mr or mrs right but really they are just mr Right Now. What ever happen to chivary? Loyalty? and trust? there was a day when the person you lost your virginity to was probably your husband or wife and it was you wedding night. That was your one and only you were both imaculate and free of being tainted so to say. When someone ask me what is the biggest display of love i have a simple answer. you know the old couples you see in the movies who are like 80 and snuggled up or the elderly couple in the local diner who still holds hands and is all googly eyed at each other and only each other and when they go to leave the husband opens the doors for his lady and kisses her sweetly as she gets into the car. this is what i want one day. that s what love is. You cant love someone till you are there very best friend and it isnt something that can be forced it grows and molds itself into something niether can control. Nowadays we will meet someone at a party or off of myspace or at work go on 2 or three dates and maybe one if the drink are strong enough and jump into bed with them. people this is rediculous. Sex isnt suppose to just be sex it is suppose to the the most intamite and soul binding thing that two people can do....it is suppose to mean so much more than what i could ever describe. why has america ....the world became so damn easy. you have guys that expect Pussy within the first week. you have your exes that call you up wanting to just hangout...your thinking ok friends...not friends with benefits.....friends hangout and chill no hanky panky but then when he comes on to you and you tell him no he is so forceful to the point you feel like it is getting way out of hand when you tell him to leave he throws a fit like a two year old.this is ridiculous guys. i mean i know us girls dont always choose the knights in shining armor but suppodely you had feelings for this chick at one time and now you cant even respect the simple wish of her that you keep you dick in you pants and not feel her up five minutes after you walk in the door. I am in no way saying all guys are like this...hell some women are like this .It should be just sex...it should be making love. if you want to just get your jolly on girls...go get you a damn toy....and guys go get some lotion and go for it... atleast then you dont have to worry about the consciquences of nprotected sex....and even if it is protected nothing and i mean nothing is a 100% I am probably not shocking anyone when I say, loud and clear, that I most certainly believe there is a difference between having sex and making love. What may come as a surprise, however, is that I don't think the difference has to do with a person's feelings toward his or her partner. But i dont believe in just jumoing in the bed with someone you have just met either. I have had fast, furious, rumble-tumble sex with people I've been deeply in love with, and made sweet, soul-singing love with people I've only liked, if that. Impossible, you say? Preposterous, you claim? I don't think so.Having sex is about fun and feral passion, about games and a go-go attitude. It's about getting your rocks off. There's something selfish (as in self-focused) about simply having sex: It usually involves figuring out how to maximize your pleasure which often means maximizing your partner's ga-ga-ness. Making love, on the other hand, is about taking stock of and cherishing another person. It's about connecting and communicating tenderness, respect and affection. It's New Age-y, in a good way. It's about showing a fellow human that he or she is a unique, gorgeous, beautiful gem by caressing, kissing and, most importantly, gazing into that person's eyes, aka the windows to the soul. When I make love, I want more than anything to show my partner how appreciative I am of him at that very moment; whether or not I'm sexually satisfied is of secondary importancNow that I've gotten all deep and mushy, let me leave you with a more mundane observation. It's impossible to "make love" after two or three margaritas, even if you're head over heels with the person you're in bed with. the is lust and there is love. lust is instantly or atleast it can be love is like an oak tree its seed gets planted and over years it grows into a beautiful everlasting oak tree that kids will climb in and little squirrels hide there nuts in. If the day ever comes and i get married....and i will make for damn sure it is something i am certain of i will only do it one time. i understand shit happens and i dont believe you should stay in a marrige just because it is the christian thing to do but if i ever make it to the marrige thing and i get a divorce that it.....i might have a domestic partner and be in a long term commited relatioship but i will only walk down that isle once. marrige is a scared union just like making love and as much as i would love to be a virgin for the man i marry im not but it dosent mean i can jsut throw myself around to every john that buys me a drink and says i beautiful. and i understand this might frustrate some guys but oh well these are my beliefs and it may have taken me longer than it should had to figure it out but thats what it is.

i am lyrically inclined to right shit that will blow our mine put you frame out of proportion extortion, mental pictures i try to speak my feeling and emotions i penetrate the minds of my readers feeders of my new age poetry im a poetic renegade startling, sparkling light inthe minds of all kinds you gave me a chance not knowing the good you would find so sit back, relax and let me rewind see im the princess, truely one of a kind youcan wine and dine me but that dosnet mean your gonna grind me see im like a precious jewel to be loved, treasured and respected to take advantage of my prize you would have to be a fool my patience is of great size but baby boi i have no time for your lies