As I type this through heavy tears and a ravaged heart I needed to let those of you that dont already know that Valerie and I lost our babycakes, our angel Nathaniel.
Tuesday as Val was picking him up from daycare it was discovered he had a fever and went into a febral seizure. The EMT responded, resuscitated him and kept him stable. As he was in ICU he was gradually prrogressing day-by-day. We were given hope of "when he would get out of the hospital" not "if"...
Our nightmare that we had belived would never be true came to reality on Thursday when a CAT scan showed brain swelling due to potential lack of oxygen sometime durring cardiac arrest on Tuesday. The swelling did not subside and as of yesterday he was declared brain dead and a time of death was called.
I am heartbroken, numb, horrified, scared, angry, disbelieving and I want sooo badly to be with him again walking, talking, dancing and all those things I now wish I hadn't taken for granted.
We ask for your prayers through this difficult time. Our lives will never be complete nor ever be the same again.
He is somewhat of a hero as we've donated some of his organs so that other babies can live and parents like us NEVER have to go through this loss. Part of me feels guilty for taking what belongs to him and giving to someone else, but I find comfort in the fact that not only will he live on with Christ in heaven but will live on through other children.
Honestly I want to die so I can be with him again NOW, today, but I realize I can't and must be here so Val and I can continue to be a family and help each other through this. Part of me wants to be angry with God but I realize he gave us Nathaniel as a gift for the past 16 months.
If you have a small one at home, pick him or her up and hug and love them as much as you can EVERY moment and EVERY day.
God bless you all.
-Jason
