I sit and wonder what that some one is doing and think about who their talking to and wondering in my own heart if I can find that love that used to be there for my husband instead of being filled with all this hatred towards him. I blame myself and him for where I went wrong and hold back on what my heart tells me cause I keep telling myself it will get better and that one day I will wake up and that love will just be there as it was once before but then I have given a part of my self to two other people one is my best friend and knows me better then I know myself and the other is just haunting at me to break up what my kids know of as a home. He's not stalking me or anything but he is a constant memory that ways heavy on my mind. Then there is then again the one that is my friend and no matter what shape or size or skin color or ethnicity he is he is my best friend almost like he's been the one I married and knows when I just need to be listened to. I hate wondering where they are and who they could be talkin to. Then I wonder will I find that love that was once there for the man I married. He deserves so much better but stands by my side and lets me do what I have to do to be happy. He puts his heart and feelings on the line but I just cant seem to do the same. I hold a grudge and cant let go even though I have tried. Lord help me.
