RedWolf66's blog: "Wolves Den"

The wind calls to me

I feel hypnotized

Helpless to it's song

It keeps me going on

Restless waking dream's

Sleep is over rated

Reality is obscure

Halucination's left unsure

Angelic demon's

Feasting on my soul

Finding joy in pain

Have I gone insane

Taken by the tide

Time is lost to me

There's no going home

I make this trip alone

Five and a half years ago I moved out east. I finally came back last November. The hows and whys are unimportant. This is about my least favorite time of the year. Wich pretty much runs from July to December. I find I start to slowly shut down. Now everyone loses people and we all hit a point when life stops giving and starts taking away. I just didn't expect it all to happen so soon. It wouldn't bother me so much but I was two thousand miles away and it felt like everyone I knew was dropping off like flies. O.K. "everyone" is an exageration but it is still rough. Please don't think to much into this. I'm not looking for sympathy or support. These blogs are just a way for me to get stuff out into the open so I can try to gain some perspective. So please if you're feeling sorry for me.... stop. Pity never got anyone anywhere. Most of the death's were natural but most of thse were people that were barely into thier fiftys. My grandmother was mid 80's and lived a god long life. She passed away after  my first year out east in august, one month before my oldest daughter was born. Then that following thansgiving I got a call that a friend of mine that I grew up with commited suicide. Sometimes I still find myself feeling responsible for not being around. After that the deaths just kind of snowball together in a blur. There were two uncles that passed away that following summer and one close friend of the family that also commited suicide come fall. Year three was pretty safe. Nobody died. Year four was fine until September. One week before I got married my grandfather passed away. I should have called the wedding off right then and there. Instead of getting divorced a year later. Then I got hit with another one two weeks after my wedding. My mother passed away at the age of 54. Seven people in five years and it all started after I left them. Now I have my own demons I carry for eachone but the worst of them all is the fact that of seven funerals I only made it to two. My mom and my grandmother. In all this time I also haven't been allowed to truely grieve for any of them Some of it is my fault but some of it was because I had more important things to deal with than grieving. I had a family to support. Now I realize that I was using that as an excuse to not face the truth. Cuase in my mind if I didn't grieve then they would all still be here. Sound's crazy and stupid doesn't it...... but that is how I dealt with it. Until today. Today I finally went to a few of thier graves to say goodbye. I still don't feel any better but it's a step in the right direction. So even though summer is supppse to be the funnest time of the year. I still don't enjoy it like I used to. Like I said though..... thats my issue to work with. So again do not see this as a pity party but as a way to gain some self perspective. If you have read this thank you and I'm sorry if it's depressing to you.

TREAT YOUR BODY LIKE A TEMPLE!!!! LMFAO! I know, I can't believe I said that with a straight face. Such sage advice from a guy that tretas his own body like an amusement park. Don't ever break your back trying to fit some image. If you like who you are that's all that matters.One of many philosiphy's I've adoopted is "I would rather die happy then kill myself body building"

You know you've found the right one when that person has a situation come up and the thier first concern is how it will impact you. After a few failed attempts and a marriage that started good and ended like a train wreck I decided I was done with love. Then with one smile one look into her sexy eye's the stonewall I spent six month's putting up around my heart shattered like it had been hit by an atom bomb. I used to laugh at people in my situation. I would ask if they seriously thought that they could truely fall for someone they never met. Now after the last week I have had I believe it. The heart wants what it wants and love has no limitations. To any of you that are unsure and have lost faith like I was. Don't. Life can go wrong in a thousand way's but it only takes one to make it better, and if you find love has kicked your door in grab on and don't let go. Whether your face to face or a world apart, if it's real and all you can think about you can find a way. Party doen, up, hard or naked but it's all pointless if you have noo one to love and to love you in return. Catch ya in the void.

Got roped into another politically charged conversation again. "The Right for Same Sex marriages". Go for it. I've got nothing against it. If you are willing to commit to someone for the rest of your life it shouldnt matter wich way you swing.I say let them get married cause they have a right to be as miserable as everyone else lol

I am at aloss for words so if anyone has a subject they want an opinoin on let me know. Be warned though you may not neccissarily like what I what I say. Nothing personal if you are offended.

I met this Sexy girl that I just can't get out of my head and I don't know why. The only real problem is the fact that we are almost two thousand miles apart. I can't say for sure if I'm fallilng for her but I do know that she brightens my day and what I am feeling is very strong. So if she reads this I just want her to know that I am very gratful to have met her and would one day likee to see her live and spend some real time with her.

Been laid off, got no car , sacked out on my brother's couch in a no horse town, got divorced, can't see my kid's cause they're two thousand mile's away and I can't find work to save my life. All since November. Top it all of with the fact that I'm struggling to keep from going back to my self destructive way's. For my girl's though, I refuse to give up. Been clean and mostly sober (only drink a few time's a year as opposed to every day as well as shit people shouldn't do. I don't judge though.) for five year's. Just gotta hold out,get on my feet again, and fight to be the father I never had. Sorry if this come's off as a personal pity part. Not what I was going for. Just needed to get that out. If anyone has advice though I'm open to suggestion's and all form's of comment. Thank's for taking the time. Peace out girlscout's

Beat and broken

I've been here before

But Im still standin

Screamin for more

Give me your worst

Cause it's all been done

I don't back down

I refuse to run

Put me through hell

Your effort's in vain

I'm still smilin

I welcome the pain

Laugh in your face

and spit in your eye

How do you kill

A man that wont die

I alway's find myself in the same debate. It usually starts with some born again bible thumper telling me that I'm gonna burn in hell because I don't attend church or follow Christianity. Before I continue I would just like to say that if this offends anyone of the Christian faith...get over it and stop taking yourself's so seriously. It's alright for them to bag on everyone else for having different belief's but don't anyone dare fire back on Christianity. Ya right. Now I am not trying to attack all Christian's. In fact I do know a few that are surprisngly normal. Shocker! Now this is not an unprovoked attack. I have personally berated and persecuted by many people  of that faith because I don't accept the bible as it is written. I do believe in a spiritual connection all that is around me. I do also believe in one great force that is responsible for the universe. I just don't buy that it was one particular being with a form. Now I do also believe that a little blind faith is a good thing but Christianity pushes it as the only thing. It is very much a bekieve this or else mentality. There is no questioning, no room for doubt. If you don't believe you get talked at instead of talked to. Then you get a group gathered around you trying to verbally beat you into submission. Of course that's only because it's illeagle to burn people alive now. One of my firdt experience's with that kind of Christian was when I was fifteen. I was at a holloween party and began talking with a coouple of people. Out of the blue this girl look's at me and ask's me what church I attend. I very politely told her that I did not see the point in going to a building once a week to listen to the same story's of something that supposedly happened two thousand year's ago. At that point she proceeded to tell me that was a mistake and that my salvation depended on attending church and studying the bible. Otherwise I would forever burn in hell. Well that struck a nerve. She couldn't accept that I chose to believe my own way in my own time. Instead she took it upon herself to follow me around for a better part of the night trying to "save" my soul. I had asked her several time's to drop the issue but she persisted. Finally I told her flat out "that if she wanted to be blindly lead arouond by the nose and was alright with never being allowed to ask question's that was her dicision but I choose to blaze my own trail and seek the answer's for myself and listen to what my heart told me. I refuse to accept that it is only one way or no way at all. Then I told her that instead of trying to convince people that they are wrong in following belief's different from her's, she should take a closer look at the bible and see just how contradictory her religion is". God created man, man created the bible. According to the original teaching's of Jesus there is one solitary sentence that no one pick's up on. In the exact center of the bible it say's "Put not your trust in man." Over the last two thouosand year's there have been almost as many translation's. After Paul wrote the his letter's and sent them to be shared with the various villages the wealthy member;s of the community would charge thier servant's with copying the letter's down for thier friend's and Family. The problem with that was that most every poor person and servant at that time was illiterate. They could not read a single vowel but as long as they at least sign thier name's they were expected to copy the letter's. How many mistake's were made? Answer: Thousand's. For more on this I recommend reading A book called Misquoting Jesus by Bart D. Ehrman. I particularly recomend it to those that are no doubt going to throw a fit over what I am writing. The book is a bit of a dry read but is well worth it. Then more recently I was again verbally asaulted by someone because of my Tattoos. "They were an affront to God" as I was told by a "Holy Roller". "All the pagen religions arre filled with dirty devil worshiper's that prey on the innocent." I responded by simply siting the Crusades, where European soldier's marched in to the "Holy Land" trying to take it away from those that had lived there since before the time of Jesus. Then I followed up by going into the Spanish Inquisition and Salem Witch trials. All in the name of God. Again if they would actually pay attention to thier bible. Jesus wasn't about all that. If he had been that small minded he would have allowed Mary Magdeline to be stoned to death. He was also about asking questions and not accepting what is said by those in power at face value. I'm gonna stop there for now. I'm sure I've pissed enough people off for one day. So in closing, to those that push, poke and persecute those of us that do not follow or buy into the bible and it's various religion's.... Take the stick out of your ass's and look real hard in the mirror. Later all.