I told the lawyer the most important person in my life is my daughter and her best friend you see I lost contact with my best friend about the same age my daughters friend moved away I lost someone who I loved dearly and was a regret that she is no longer in my life and aren't we suppose to be able to do better and give our children more well this is my gift to her and want both to stay in each others lives as long as they wish to and i am the kind of mom who my daughter can come to and i know they wish go to college and be able to see each other and 4 a long time they haven't i want them to continue to have that sisterhood because i have grown to love her as my child in my heart. the lawyer looks at me takes a deep breath and says what do "you" want I look at him for a very long time and say to him this is what I want. I know Miss Seus your family will be taken care of tell me if you wanted something for yourself what would it be I close my eyes and say I want to live a healthier life be happy with my body and to finish one thing I always put aside my dreams to finish school and finally decide what I want to be want to be when I grew up. yes I want a place of my own of course but I want to finish schoolmore than anything but, there is something you can never ever give me and he looks at me puzzled and i say to him I need to make coffee and ask if he needed a cup and says yes thank-you I go in to start the coffee light a cigarette and my mind is on my heart and the 2 men who broke it there was never really closure in my mind but always hopefull that my heart is open for love. I come in with the coffe and serve.
I sit look at him and say You can never give me the love I had never had returned to me and you can't make either of them love me. I may never find a true love in my life and all the money in the world could ever fix that. I am not bitter I'm not angry just very sad and lonely inside. I find that i fall for men that are not avaiable to give me love and have no intention sharing a life but if I can show them one thing that i can finish. I would like to sit with them one day and thank them for being a part of my life and finally close the door than maybe I can look at myself and see me smile and truly be happy without thinking what i could have done diffently to have them love me back. Is that selfish enough. I want to stand up and say you didn't break me and I love you but I have my love of myself that takes center stage.
The Lawyer looked at me with a smile. "My employer never met you only seen your picture and found a few things about you. he is a wealthy man but his life will be short he was somewhat taken with you now I see why he will grant all your wants to be met but once you are established to not need any finanical help you are on your own but you must follow thru with what you need to do.
So this is it I have a dream and this is it I will find my success all i need is a chance and someone to believe in me.
