Wicked Lil Girl's blog: "Wicked Softness"

*This is Forever by Papa Roach and it has been running nonstop through my head for days now so figured I would share my torment with you, though I do absolutely love the song and can relate to it very very well* In the brightest hour of my darkest day I realized what is wrong with me Can't get over you. Can't get through to you It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start Take these memories that are Haunting me Of a paper man cut into shreds by his own pair of scissors He'll never forgive her...he'll never forgive her... Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever Sitting by a fire on a lonely night Hanging over from another good time With another girl... little dirty girl You should listen to this story of a life You're my heroine-in this moment I'm lonely fulfilling my darkest dreams All these drugs all these women I'm never forgiven . . .this broken heart of mine Because days they come and go but my feelings for you are forever One last kiss before I go Dry your tears, it is time to let you go One last kiss before I go Dry your tears, it is time to let you go One last kiss before I go Cry your tears, it is time to let you go One last kiss

Dear He Who Knows, You know who you are, I need not say your name. You are the one I think of more than myself. You are the one who can turn my thoughts from sadness to joy. You are the one I worry about at night when I go to bed, and hope it was all for nothing when I awake. You are the one who knows me better than all others. The one I can tell my everything to. The one who has seen the truth that hides in my eyes. The one who has heard the truth escape my lips. The one who doesn't run when that truth is learned. You are the one I need to grab. The one I need to hold. The one I need to never let go of. The one I need to find.

I feel so fucking bad today, not sure what caused it in general just one of those days I guess. I feel bad because I have been a bitch to the people who I care about today and really don't want to do that. I owe them all a BIG apology . . . I hate depression, I hate even worse not having someone to be able to vent to when I need to. I hate on days like this when I listen to what everyone else has to say but there is no one to listen to me. I listen to every single one of my friends problems no matter what it is or how it makes me feel to hear it. I listen to everyone tell me how much they like this person or that person - how much they want to be with this person or that person - how sexy and beautiful this person or that person is - how they can't imagine a life without this this person or that person - how they need this or that in order to be happy - how blah blah blah. God I hear it every damn day - every fucking day nonstop. But yet do these people ever EVER stop to wonder why I would care to hear this all the time? Good lord - I feel so fucking pittiful pouring out some emotional bullshit like this. It makes me sound so fucking sad and pathetic . . . I am not a sad and pathetic person . . . I am the strong one. I am the person who makes everything ok, makes everyo feel better. So now why do I feel like I need to find that person? Pittiful that is why!!!!! Ok, I have gotten it out of my system . . . for the most part. I will move on with my quest to find someone to help fill this emptiness I have found in me and maybe once I do all will be better?! If not then I just go back to being me and having some bad days that I can't just brush off . . . I'm done now - I'm sorry for the rant all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I picked up the phone tonight I dialed your number I laid it back down Who am I kidding nothing is alright I thought it was forever That was what you said I guess I was wrong Just a stupid notion in my head The love is all gone I won't cry anymore You have left me this way Broken battered and torn I was just your toy My feelings meant nothing Yes I was a fool For falling for a boy I need a man That's what I need One who will be honest and caring That will never decieve I deserve my life I tell myself I'll find it yet Thanks to your spite You anger has driven me Forced me to the edge It's over now FUCK YOU I said

I have gotten inquiries now as to what I want or am looking for to get myself into a relationship. Apparently people want to know these things, why else would they ask? Alright never mind, I am answering anyway. The most important thing I am looking for in someone to be in a relationship with are these 5 things: 1. The man who will hurt me all night long and then lick the wounds and make them feel better in the morning 2. The man who will not tell me all those chessy I will never hurt you lines . . . we all know they are fucking lies, besides you usually hurt those you love the most right? 3. The man who will know when to leave me the hell alone and when to pull me close 4. The man who will never lie to me know matter what he does 5. Finally the man who will love me unconditionally, flaws and all I honestly have not found this man yet, don't know if I ever will. Yes, I'd like to, doesn't everyone want to live out their happily ever after? Besides it's fun to audition people for now . . . always taking applications ;}

*Disclaimer* This was written long ago, my writing has gotten much better since then but I know if I place it on here then I can't lose it again and I can make it something I want it to be one day Lonely Teardrops Teardrops streak Down this lonely face As I sit here Longing for your embrace I know you can no longer caress me Nor can you kiss my lips Never again will I feel your soft hands Placed upon my hips All those times alone Nestled in your bed Those images I keep finding Dancing through my head I close my eyes to shut it out Yet you I plainly see I ruined it by myself It was alone only me I'll never again have the chance To whisper nothing into your ear I've chased you away again It's forever I fear We spent years together We've spent years apart I've still that place for you Hidden deep in my heart One day I'll find the strength to mend My heart will finally heal I'll let go of you Once again I'll be ready to feel