babydoll's blog: "why?"

DoD Identifies Army Casualty The Department of Defense announced today the death of a soldier who was supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. Staff Sgt. Jesse L. Williams, 25, of Santa Rosa, Calif., died April 8 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds suffered from small arms fire while conducting combat operations in Baqubah, Iraq. Williams was assigned to the 5th Battalion, 20th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash. If you wanna know more, just ask me...

Above is a picture of Jesse who was a really good friend of Caleb's. He was tragically killed over the weekend in a firefight in Iraq. Also pictured is his wife Sonya and 11 month old daughter Amaya. Sonya and Amaya could use some thoughts and prayers right now, so please keep them in mind.

So here it is March and Caleb is coming home on leave in April, which I am totally excited about. But now with this new troop surge, and then the 4,800 more troops on top of that, he's probably going to get extended a lot longer than June. June is supposed to be when he was coming home for good. If he gets extended I have no idea when he's coming home, but most likely it won't be in time for the wedding. So Caleb and I kind of talked about just going to a Justice of the Peace when he comes home on leave, but we both kinda want a traditional wedding. So I don't know what to do anymore. It's getting harder and harder to be happy about anything. I don't blame Caleb for anything at all, I love him and support him with everything he does. We're both kinda stressed right now, because he reenlisted in November and here it is six months later and he still hasn't got his bonus. I have to talk to my congressperson, because he's tried talking to the army numerous times, and they are still rejecting it. So I'm going to have my congressperson launch a congressional investigation. Caleb doesn't want to walk out of the army, but they are under breach of contract and he could if he wanted to. But I don't wanna bitch anymore, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

This guy is a total asshole that has no respect for people in the military! He thinks he's better than them because he's a pastry chef. chefcarter: haha i dont need money to know im better than him...i just know that im better than him and get paid better ->chefcarter: omg, you think your better than him cause your a fucking pastry chef. wow your fucking retarded. it's not about money you fucking idiot chefcarter: haha dont get me started babe...i won the national and world junior pastry chef competition when i was 18, now im the 4th youngest pastry chef to be considered for the coupe de monde team, i will be making more by the time im 30 than your fiance will in 1 ->chefcarter: he's made something of his life, what have you done? chefcarter: haha yep im sure, thats why he chose a field in which he will come back with a great shot at running a car wash ->chefcarter: he had a million choices unlike you chefcarter: no he chose it because he had no other choice ->chefcarter: um actually he did very well in school, he just chose it because he has balls unlike you chefcarter: he chose that because he probably wasnt that great in school ->chefcarter: he's over there risking his life so you can sit here and be an asshole chefcarter: true ->chefcarter: your an ass chefcarter: nah im good thanks ->chefcarter: who is in iraq, so why don't you show not only me some respect, but also him ->chefcarter: i have a fiancee chefcarter: ya why ->chefcarter: have you even looked at my profile? chefcarter: guess thats a no heh ->chefcarter: excuse me?

OMG!!! I'm so proud of my baby!!! He got a Bronze Star for everything he's done since he's been in Iraq! He got screwed out of his Medal of Valor for recovering a downed Kiowa during his first deployment. So I'm really hoping that doesn't happen this time around. But the number of medals he has will never change how proud of him that I am! YAY, well I'm going to go continue talking to him!

So apparently I'm fat... and apparently it's because I eat meat! Some random ass guy that I have never talked to in my life decided to have this conversation with me in my shoutbox... podurtz: yes i wish i wasa girl! ->podurtz: jealousy is a bitch!!! podurtz: im a cook it my job fatty well go head an go eat peace..fatcheeks.. ->podurtz: whatever, i'm done talking to you, i have more important things to do, like actually having a life. because i don't sit there being an ass to people and taking pictures of food podurtz: i think i could get the time of the day form u..but a cake yaa right!.. podurtz: ahahahahah oh.. ->podurtz: your just mad cause you couldn't get the time of day from a girl like me unless your an asshole. podurtz: 105!aaahahah ur so funny sometimes that was a good one ->podurtz: i weigh 105, that is not fat podurtz: im not fatty fat fat.. ->podurtz: why you being an ass? podurtz: huh ->podurtz: your one to fucking talk podurtz: ur not fat! aaahahahahah that was a good one u so funny sometimes.. ->podurtz: fuck you, i'm not fat ->podurtz: excuse me? podurtz: fatty You can't tell from the conversation, but I'm very self conscious when it comes to my weight. I don't really wanna get into my past, but those of you that know me know what's up... Anyways, I just thought this guy was a total asshole, and I wanted to vent.

I've done a lot of stupid shit in my life, and this one is up there. I thought that I was being the good guy to one person by stabbing the other in the back. Well it turns out that I was causing drama for both sides, and now I don't know how to fix it. I should just stay out of everybodys shit. It's really messed up that I thought I was helping and was actually hurting people that mean something to me. I've realized that I am a selfish, spoiled, immature bitch. Caleb helped me figure that out at one point in my life and I swore I would never go back there, and look what I've done. The people that I've hurt or angered, know who they are and I guess this is my formal applogy to them. I don't expect them to forgive me, because honestly I don't know that I would forgive myself. I just wanted to get my feelings out. Anyways, I have to get started on my final, before I fail at that too!