Why is it that funerals bring out the worst in people? Is it grief or is it guilt?
Today was Eleanor's Memorial Service, pre-arranged as her wishes were similar to that of her husbands with a few personal requests. No problem, I knew it was coming.
October 2004 I cleared out the spare bedroom and arranged it so he and I could take care of mom in our home, which meant getting rid of double and even triple household items and goods to make it roomy, comfortable and safe. Thank goodness for a 2 car garage that wound up being storage and donations to the needy in the community after hurricanes and other disasters.
Having only known her 5 years, I had the pleasure of listening to the stories of her glory days from her son Daniel who would have been my husband had we wed before he passed away in April 2006. So in all actuality - I was a "daughter" without the marriage license or birth certificate.
I had to stop working a full time job as it was necessary for me to take care of family first. That was my priority when Dan was alive and even more so when he passed on. She gave me a reason to keep my promise to her and her son that she would never wind up in a nursing home to die alone, which I did with honor, dignity, respect and pride.
Yes, there were moments, especially at the end I thought I would lose it but since I was still alive, it did not mean to stop living and that is how Eugene and I found each other and were bound in marriage this past May and has helped me tremendously with her care and my sanity.
Upon Eleanor's passing, I cast aside any and all emotions and feelings of negativity about her daughter Claudia and was as supportive and as much of a sister to her as anyone in my life. Eugene even took a day off work to accompany me to the funeral home at her request to assist with the final arrangements. The three of us were to be seated in the front row and share with those who attended a little bit about the life of the woman we all loved.
In preparation for today, I had written a lovely eulogy as a final farewell, most appropriate for her service in a Presbyterian Church (and anyone who knows me knows I don't do churches or funerals as what is common these days).
Upon arriving to get Claudia at her place of residence, I find that no one is there. OK - she decided to walk over instead (or so I thought). Eugene was not able to make the trip back and forth again without jeopardizing his new position so I went alone into the church. No, it did not fall down and I was not struck by lightning...
At 10 minutes to 2, people started to arrive, some I knew, some I did not. Again, understandable because I have not been in her life as long as all those who abandoned her for the past 7 years. Still, Claudia was nowhere to be found. Finally the organ starts playing at 2:00 PM and the pastor went into a room and was followed a few minutes later by Claudia with one of Eleanor's oldest and supposed dearest friends. They were ushered into the front row, while I was left to "blend in" with the rest of the attendees.
A lovely prelude of the common variety of dignified verses and sayings was heralded by the minister and then he asked Claudia to say a few words.
Well, I felt as if I was slapped in the face, knife plunged deep into my chest, and hot fiery pokers added a twist when Claudia told the congregation that mother "died alone" and a brief mention of me being a "caretaker" and nothing of her brother mentioned whatsoever in her deliverance of her "iconization" of the mother she loved so much went on in an inaudible babble of wordy expressions.
This so called "loving daughter" had put her mother through hell when she had to move out of DC and came running home to momma after papa passed in 2000. The lovely "clean home" and spectacular livelihood of this once proud, Scottish, proper woman with a formidable personality was a shambles in days for years as Mother was experimented with medically and financially finagled to support her daughter's "good intentions". (The reason that she wound up living with her son and I instead while she still had some of her wits about her).
I sat there numb and in disbelief as to the outrageous verbiage being spewed forth that I thought for sure if there is a God, that this place was going to light up like the fourth of July after a nuclear holocaust!
I kept my cool (I hope it was not too apparent as to my discomfort) till the end and was as dignified as possible following her and the older companion after the exiting procession and stood firmly at the end of the "family reception line" to thank all who attended where I believe I felt I belonged.
Those that knew Eleanor introduced themselves as I extended my thanks and introduced myself as her "second daughter", the woman that was the love of her son that was not mentioned in joining her at the pearly gates but was happy to be with his mother again with his pops.
A few astonished looks and surprised comments passed that they did not know and were so sorry for my loss and thanked me for taking care of her as I did. My response was, well, there was no one else who had the fortitude and honor to make that sacrifice for a loved one and I kept my promise to both her son and to her that she would not be alone. Too bad none of these individuals were around to see or be bothered with any of the really hard part of her life.
The really ironic part of the whole ordeal was I found out that the gentleman that sat next to me in the pew was Claudia's Attorney of all people that started all the legal nonsense I have been dealing with since the death of her brother. Talk about being b*tch slapped yet again!
Well, to say the least - all my preparation, historical anecdotes and written passages to honor a wonderful woman that usurped the past three years of my life was never heard by those who came to pay their respects. Too bad they really do not know the whole story and I suppose could not handle the reality that more family "feuds" and rivalries begin when someone dies due to greed, hate and guilt, for that was apparent by the deliverance of what was audible and heard from one person's perspective.
I guess I am above that pettiness and am trying to take this as a learning lesson. Material items may mean the world to some people, but the world is now wide open for me to explore with my soulmate and start anew, for I am not sure how long my home will be thanks to the "Law" but damn to hell, I'm not going to be taken for granted or taken advantage of and will exact my "compensation" one way or another.
They say Karma Bites, well I guess Karma never opened up Pandora's Box and I'm It!
OK - I vented and feel better. Thanks for letting me rant and putting up with me if you had read this far. Know I love you and do mean it! {{{HUGS}}}
