AaronT's blog: "Why is it?"

It's almost that time... the time I came home from a place I never want to be again.

Came home to my now ex to whom I was once engaged.   I was willing to give her my life.  I gave her my first born and on the day of 1 December of last year she stole my baby from me and broke my heart.  No... shattered it.  I never lied to her.  I never treated her badly.  I walked two hours in cold rain just to buy something that the store down the street didn't have in stock.  And she paid me back by running away with my unborn first child and put him up for adoption in another state without identifying me as the father.

Now... 20 days from the one year mark of the day she left me, I'm in emotional agony all over again.  I hurt worse now I think than I did when I realized she wasn't coming back.  And it's not because I lost her.  I'm better off without someone like her.  But it marks a year of knowing that someone else is raising my son, the one thing that brought me joy just to think about doing for myself.  He was supposed to be my chance at redeeming myself for all the terrible things I've done in my past.  I wasn't always the nice guy I work so hard to be today.  He was to be my gift to the world.  Giving something back for all that I have taken for granted.  And she stole that from me.

So if for the next while I don't seem my normal chipper and friendly self... well, those who take the time to read this will understand why.

Why is it that women ALWAYS seem to choose the asshole over the nice guy?  The controlling prick over the prince?  The bad boy image over the guy that seems to genuinely give a shit what they think and feel?

Perhaps some women and or other men have some insight as to the reasons for this.  I personally wish it wasn't so.  For the love of all that is holy or unholy, if you can do better than the nice guy, then do it, but why the hell do they always go worse?

Is there some foolish belief that the bad boy can be "tamed"?  That he can be "fixed" and made into the nice guy that is claimed to be sought after but never actually gets taken?  Is it some foolishness that says "He's not that bad" or "Maybe if I give him a chance, he'll be good to me"?

I hate to break it to ya ladies, but that's the reason why good guys are vanishing and the world is filling up with douchebags and pricks and countless other bottom feeders only out to get their dicks wet.  Sometimes it just hurts to fucking much to take a chance with someone.  Sometimes... it kills just to think of trying again because ALWAYS and WITHOUT FAIL... the asshole always gets first pick.

Anyhow... input please?  I'd like to hear some thoughts cuz I'm sick and tired of picking up the pieces of broken hearts...