katyadraco's blog: "why is it worth it"

I see! Oh my how do I see! The straining under my hands Struggling to not breathe Small elliptical bubbles rise As the air becomes stale in your lungs. Oh my! *smirking* How long before you will panic? How long before you tempt to take that breath? How long before your eyes bleed? Oh wait, Oh yes, there you are . I see! I see your eyes, you are telling me to stop. Stop being so petty all I want is for you to take that last breath Let me feel you , let me feel you panic, let me feel you give up! I want to see you smile one last time. Please do.

Breathe in. Oh wait you cant ! How does it feel? My hands around your neck . Squeezing tightly, ever so tightly. The straining of your lungs , the spittle dripping from your sweet mouth. Is it not euphoric, do you not feel the passion coming from with in? Wait. Shhh... What is that ? A whimper ?…Why? Why show weakness at a time like this? Struggle not dearest , for I will have my way soon . I will see the look, I will see the darkness as it falls across your eyes as they glaze over. And to think, once that is done. You are free. Free from the pain, free from the torment. That is one feeling I will admire from you. You will be perfect. Never again feeling the wrongness. Never hurting…. Just free…

where one stand with one self make the difference in how one see the world that they live in. in my perfect world i could make the rules the way i would make up to make my life perfect. but there in my perfect world would the perfect way make life worth living? if i could make the things the way i would like, would i be fullfilled. or do we need the hard times in our life to make life worth living? it makes me wonder, if by that thought, do we make life hard so we could live more to what we think is the limit of our existance. or we lose ourself in the hope of fullfillment. i think that true fullfillment comes when we can stop and look at our lives and see our place in this world and except where what we are and what we we are given. i think as people, when we try to take more then our share is when the loss of fullfillment begans. and there, the endless chasing of emptyness begins. i want to stand in life and know where i belong. i want to stand in peace with what has given or taken away. i want to stand and believe that i am loved. i just want to be able to stand

why do i wake day after day wondering if....and why.... i live every day like it were my last, i have had alot of things happen to me that i cant change, my eye is permanent i cant ever fix that. well i can but i wont it is a reminder of one of those what ifs.. i have fallen in love and fallen back out of love that would be one of the whys... why do i torment my self by doing these things. falling in love pfftt... i was told once that it was for fools and they were right. i keep telling myself not to do it but i do then i get smacked in the face by reality and its gone... ehh life goes on.. i look back at this year and realized i have done alot of great things not just for me but for others.. my kids are amazing..my family is amazing....my friends are amazing....the memories i have are wonderful and i dont regret any of them i just wonder what if and why sometimes things happen the way they do