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What are you waiting for?
i miss talking to who i love and think about when im alone. even as little conversation as it was we were having.
the more guys that hit on me, the more i realize how alone i will ALWAYS be.
i need... i need a guy who likes me to open his eyes and be straight forward with me. to realize that he is in love with me, and when he realizes that, i need him to tell me and i need him to not change his mind and i need him to know that once i say "I love you too," it means i will ALWAYS be there for him. no matter what.
i dont want to feel like a third wheel.
i dont want to feel like a charity case.
i dont want to feel like a burden when im w/ my friends because ive been one to my family my entire life.
boys r all the same and just so...strangle-worthy.
slutty chicks r nice to look at. however, they will not be there for u, to take care of u when u r throwing up in the middle of the night!
i will accept my fate of no future and live my life the way i had for 18yrs, before i was foolish enough to act on possible happiness.
i will stay in my room all day long, unless something necissary comes up. TV and the computer will be all i use for "entertainment." i most likely wont even listen to music because music is filled with lyrics that associate with love, hope, fears, anger.
feelings!
i wont have those anymore.
along with my isolation, i will become as numb as i used to be. i have no one in my life i could possibly be with in a romantic sense so why fool myself into thinking there is hope? i wont.
i wont bother my friends into making time for me because i know they have lives which include goals and dreams. i envy them so much. speaking of friends, im sure even they dont know how i could ever of had a boyfriend let alone a fiance. it truely is beyond me. i have no idea whatsoever y someone would be with me!
no job.
no school.
no car.
itll be a great way to save money to move into an apartment with my roommate. there i KNOW i wont be bothered by my parents or anyone else to leave my seclusion.
i wont interfere and i wont be a burden any longer. no, this isnt a suicide note. i dont even see the point in dying anymore. ive always been a strong believer in that everything happens for a reason, and i still see that being true. there has to be a reason im in so much pain. there MUST be some reason i am so unhappy. . . life has been a real bitch to me almost my entire existance. i had to have done something horrendous in my past life, thats all there is to it. im paying the price for something i did that i dont even remember doing.
so all of this agony and suffering is fine. ill accept it. this is my fate.
everyone is in love
hopeful
HAPPY
i need a good hug and at the same time i want to be in a cold dark room, in a big bed alone.
