juggalettetiffy's blog: "who knows"

for the past few years ive been fighting to get my friends to at least pretend to show they care. it never really worked. all they really ever did was use me whenever they needed something. ive met some new people and although they live so far away they make me the happiest ive been in years. people who care to hear what i say, and that try to make me feel better when no one else is around to listen. idk where things will go from here but i do know that no matter what happens these special people will always have a spot in my heart. and no matter what, no one can change the way i feel. this new feeling is the best in the world. thanks goes out to those who help. and special thanks to matt...who gives me the courage to move on and ignore those who dont deserve to have me around. its time to move on with my life, and its making me the happiest ive ever been in years.

im beginning to notice that a lot of my friends only come to me when they need or want something. no matter what it is a ride here, a ride there. and its because i let them walk all over me. like i dont even matter. ill be suprised if anyone even reads this because they dont care to hear what i have to say anymore. all they care about is what they want. it doesnt matter to them how bad they hurt me or how even though i try to do everything for them they dont do hardly anything for me. im starting to realize that and its about time. i deserve friends that want me around and treat me with the respect i deserve. so starting today im oging to say what i feel and not hold anything back because i know that they wont care anyway. well thanks for listening (if anyone even does). gotta go to work. lata.

ok so im just bored. felt like posting a blog because its been awhile since i have. i dont really have anything to say. well maybe i do. here lately theres been a lot on my mind about a bunch of stuff thats been going on. my best friend jp just moved back and its great having him around. we havent been as close to each other since kevin died. its kinda weird being around him and its hard not knowing what couldve happend. and its weird because you never realize how much you have until its gone. we take for granted so much what we have. and another thing, relationships. you can go through everyday loving someone without being able to tell them. hiding the pain each time they mention another guy/girls name and just wishing you could tell them everything without ruining the friendship. left wondering why no matter how much the person their chasing after hurts them and your right there everytime they need someone it pretty much goes left unnoticed. its when their gone forever that you realize you regret not telling them how you really feel. and now your left asking the question what couldve been if i just wouldve been honest? but still you do the same thing after going through it once. no matter how hard you try you just cant open up to the one you love because you think you know they want nothing more than friends. and as each day passes you start losing more and more. its just weird how it all comes together. i guess thats why they say love stinks...but i guess you just gotta live day by day and wait for the right moment. i guess theres nothing more left to say...