special edition's blog: "whats on my mind "

im at a time in my life where i am begining to see what has gone wrong and what has been a blessing in my life

i have 2 beautiful little girs and would do anything for them

although my relationship with my ex wife is nonexzistant i am blessed to have had her in my life and see the best thing that came out of that marrige is my eldest daughter izzibella she is 3 then there is a breef relationship with the mother of my youngest daugher shianne and it was a learning experience to say the least

now i feel i am ready to start seeing other people again but not going to rush into anything because it hasnt worked out in the past if i befriend a woman the first thing they think is i want in their pants witch is not the case i want a woman who isnt about games and bullshit one i can laugh with talk to and most important grow with i need someone who is willing to accept me for who i am

todays socitey is messed up when it comes to how we are protrade as egotistical peopleyou know there are some of us out there that just want to be loved is that so damn wrong to ask

there are also other things i would like other than a relationship and that is to provide for my daughters in any way i can i have givin up my freedoms to serve the military and am a disabbled vet so i know what it means to sacrifice and i am willing to do anything for the benifit of my children i want to open a restaurant it has been a goal of mine for years now

there are a million things i want to do and only a few i need to do and that is be the best father i can me and to never forget the past

many people say i live in the past but i tell them that i remember the past so i can go in the future

this winter has been full of things that are repeated every year but there has a few things that are new and exciting some of wich are minute and mundane but others are once in a life time things like when i realized that change is the only that will make my life for the better i have to grow up and make smarter desisions to better me and my family which i havent been the greatest to but as of late has been good another sign that things are turning around in my life.  sence ive been out of the marine corp i have had many issues that need both medical and spiriual help and its slow but coming along my relationships are nonexsitant in an adault sence but i have my family around to keep me busy i know one day i will find someone that wont judge me for the issues i have as far as my ptsd and and a few other things that are wrong but hey i am a great person and i know when the time comes god will put someone in my life any ways im finnaly in a positive mood and am glad to be in this world

in this crazy world there are many kinds of people. people that will have your back and people that will stab your back.people that u can trust and people that you cant but when it all comes down to it the people you hold closest to you are the ones you love. they tell me keep your friends close and your enemies closer but i dont believe that. i have a select few people that i cant actualy trust and even less that i love my daugther being the most imprtant one i love. i hope that people can come to grips with the concept of trust when they do that there will be alot less drama and alot more respect in this crazy ass world i know it wont happen so i just move on with my life and i will stay strong for the people i love and the people i trust

godd bless the men and women serving through out the world defending our lifelyhood and i would join them again in a heart beat

have you ever wondered if you would ever find the one you were loking for and one day u woke up and  reailized he or she was there the whole time? i did and you know what she came to see me and we went out to dinner and all was good or so i thought. one day after we had been married for some time i began to see changes in her and noticed that we were becoming distant. all the while everything elese in my life was going full till and was looking good then one day it was all over the relationship had hit a point of no return and ever sence then i have been in serch of someone who truly cares and hope to one day find that person and maybe i already have you never know. then there is the question about being to picky and is there a perfact match out there and i believe there is no perfact match but there are close matches to your personalty types and or what ever looks u want even though looks dont matter to me its whats on the inside. thats all for now untill next time

today in this world of unknowns there is one thing that is for sure the military men and women are on the front lines defending the very freedoms so many take for granted and it pisses me off that people bitch about the simple little things going on in there lives if they would take a step back and a deep breath they would see that those things they take for granted arent really free everything has a price and if it means my life so be it but when people turn a blind eye to what is realy going on around them they become complacent and that gets them into trouble jobs in todays economy are hard to come by so when you get one try and hang onto it becase in the world of unknowns there are bills to pay and mouths to feed so the next time you bitch about your job again think there are millions in this country that dont have them and would glady take yours the world doesnt revole around you never has never will so get out there and do what you have to do to open your eyes to the things going on aroud you the fact of the matter is that people are dieing and mothers are crying and for what to defend the very rights that most take to much for granted take the time out of your day to thank a veteran or active military member and say thanks for defending what i take for granted my freedom