AMERICA's blog: "Whatever POPS into my head"

Men Are Just Happier People-- Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

Only in Texas my friends... Only in Texas ..... Too bad...... A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Texas. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy' s expense. The deputy says,' License and registration, please.' What for?' says the lawyer. The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.' Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.' 'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.' The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?' 'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law License and registration, please!' the Deputy says. Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.' That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says. At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

BUDWEISER: Your ruca has a nice looking ass BUDWEISER face so ugly? BODYWASH: I can't go to the cantina tonite cuz no BODYWASH my kids. SHOULDER: My tia wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I SHOULDER. SODAS: My vieja has beeg tetas and SODAS her sister. JUICY: Hey vato, I will roll the joint, and ju tell me if JUICY the cops!!! JUAREZ: My viejita slapped me and I said JUAREZ your damn problem! TISSUE: Hey vato if you don't know hot to do it, let me TISSUE how! BRIEF: Hey homes, my lady farted in the car and I couldn't BRIEF! JULY: Ju tol me ju were going to tha store and JULY to me! Julyer!!! MUSHROOM: When my familia gets in the car......There's not MUSHROOM left! CHEESE: I went to dis bar and some vato try to hit up on my vieja. I said ay vato CHEESE with me!! TEXAS: My pinche friend always TEXAS me with dumb jokes. WATER: My vieja gets mad and I don't even know WATER problem is! HORCHATA: You can keep talking your crap, HORCHATA hell up! FRITO: After arguing with the pinche policia he told me I was FRITO go!

A guy is 85 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.' He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, 'Are you talking to me?' The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!' The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.' He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'