Little Miss's blog: "What's up with THAT shit!?"

It was only a day ago when I decided that I was going to drop school, drop the chance to get my diploma and move half way across the country for a guy I've fallen in love with. I checked my Fubar profile and found this.. "You may be just a bit more calculating than other folks, but today you should be ready to act on impulse when the time is right. A bold romantic move or a random change of plans can make a big difference." Isn't that the creepiest thing? I've never had a Horoscope that read so true.

There's a guy who's name I won't mention *coughJETSONcough* who thinks himself to be a pretty boy. I mean, yea, he's cute, but his attitude sucks. I gave him some cheek and basically made out to be the only girl who didn't fall under the spell of his pretty boy eyes. The pussy whip blocked me. It's just amazing how people who depend so much on their looks to get attention, drown the minute someone rebells from them and what everyone else thinks. It's weak, and it's what I try and portray in my poetry. After this guy, I think there'll be something dedicated to him. Lol. Fucking pussy.

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.'' 9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern. 8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!'' 7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....'' 6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil. 5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks. 4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan. 3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry. 2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?'' 1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.'''

1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met. 2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today. 3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark. 4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys. 5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim. 6) Hit strangers with your flutter board. 7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you. 8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....'' 9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move. 10) Swim near someone and go ''Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here.'' 11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool. 12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!'' 13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board. 14) Laugh at fat people in swimsuits. 15) Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool. 16) Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed. 17) Try to negotiate the price of getting in. 18) Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off. 19) When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount. 20) Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee! I'm Batman!'' while running around. 21) Hit strangers with your wet towel. 22) Throw people's things into the pool. 23) Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grand-finale. 24) Play Marco-Polo by yourself. 25) Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: - Men can't pack a bag. - Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. - Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves. - Men don't answer their mail. - Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly." - Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. - Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. - Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men......... - Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. - Cupid flies around carrying weapons. - Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

So.. I was looking through some profiles today. I've noticed that alot of girls call hot guys 'daddy'. Why? Is it some fantasy they have? Why the fuck would you want to hear the words, "Come to your daddy." or "Who's your daddy?" During sex? That's fucking warped, man. I don't know why girls like it.. but it's so stupid. Just like a guy callin' his chik 'mumma'. "Come to your mumma baby boy." then have sex.. wtf? I seriously don't get it. If someone can let me know why people love referring to sexy people as thier parents, then please.. enlighten me..