I think something is wrong with me. As long as I can remember I have been hard and not gave a shit about who or what thought about me. I mean I would do stuff just to make you ask... is she ok. I could have given shit less about a man much less if he was there at night or not. So what is wrong with me? I cant explain it. I have blown so many off and havent looked for anyone cause I dont want hurt and yet I catch myself crying because I am not where I want to be. I have very few friends that know the real me or even try and get to know me. I am starting to care what people think and i dont know why my hard image is going away. Why do I care what he or she thinks? Why is it that I care about what I look like when i go out the house to run to the grocery store. I know that beauty is with in. What is funny is I have discussed over and over about having a surgery for gastric bypass and it has said no you dont need it you are beautiful. They say you have a great personality and you shouldnt do it. What the hell. Then I mentioned it to someone ( he is just an occasional acquaintance) and he popped back off yeah you should have it and then when all is said and done we should hook up... Do you know how fucked up that sounds. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I dont know how many more times I can smile when that hurt my feelings the most. And then I say something and all my friends say you are strong nothing makes you cry. So why is it that? I guess fat girls do cry and do have feelings that can be smashed not that very many have notices. They have been smashed within the last week. I just dont understand it. I enjoy my single life but think about other things. Ok i am headed off here. Hope I didnt offend anyone. ughhhhh there i go again
