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Windows 2005 Southern Edition
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Windows 2005 Southern Edition may have accidentally been shipped outside of the south.
If you have one of these, you may need help understanding the commands. The Southern dition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS 2005, with a background picture of Waylon and Willie superimposed on a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Please also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
Dial Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"
Hard Drive is referred to as "4-Wheel Drive"
Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic thangs"
Instead of an error message, "Duct Tape" pops up.
Changes in Terminology In Southern Edition:
Cancel............stopdat
Reset..............try'er agin
Yes...............yep
No................nope
Find...............hunt fer it
Go to............over yonder
Back...............back yonder
Help..............hep me out here
Stop...............kwitit (WHOA!)
Start............crank'er up
Settings..........settins
Programs......... stuff at duz stuff
Documents....... .stuff ah done did
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'The woman shakes her head no
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.. The hillbilly walksover to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her asshole a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breahe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response : After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
Correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
(Thanks Milk N Honey!)
My girl, Thick & Curvy wrote this. I thought it was funny and wanted to share it with you:
My Top 10 Rules to being a plus size woman!
1. No Moomoos--- tarp like dresses they are called that for a reason.
2. Absolutely No t-shirts with Looney Toons, cats or others animal/cartoon characters--- It will look like Bugs Bunny has a weight issue too.
3. No hip huggers--- no one wants to see your fat hanging over the top it looks like a cellulite muffin.
4. No bikinis. (You should know why)--- If the belly hangs past the breasts we're all set with seeing that.
5. No Slippers in public--- Skinny girls do this to but why do you big girls have to make it worse wearing a Taz shirt too...come on now!
6. No Juicy or other words across the butt--- If it really is Juicy I think everyone can tell. And by the end of the day they have rode up so far no one will understand what JY stands for.
7. No tube tops--- it looks like someone is trying to squeeze play dough through an inner tube.
8. Please make sure your bra fits accordingly--- No one likes to see the back breasts going on. You should only have one set.
9. No sweat suits--- because bending over to pick up a chip you dropped does not count as a work-out
AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE
10. No Spandex you'll just look like a balloon full of cottage cheese.
I live by these! Hope you enjoy lol
