hearts Like me love me or leave me the h...'s blog: "Welcome to my twisted mind"

hey ya'll. just wanted all of ya to know i HAVEN'T forgot about ya. I am stuck on dial up for a bit longer, and for some reason when i go to load anything other then my homepage, it freezes, so I haven't been able to do ratings or leave comments like i wanna. But when i get my cable back... Watch out!! lmao.. i am gonna be comment bombin people lol!

this song hits home for me...... Godsmack - Hollow One more step and I could fall away If it happened would it matter And I can't tell if I should go or stay. Same old picture feels so hollow. How can anybody know what's best for me Another page I turn in shame. And my decisions brought me to my knees, I needed someone to blame. I feel so hollow, I feel so hollow I feel so hollow, I feel so hollow Time to do what's best for me I believe I can change. Once upon a time in broken dreams. Reflections that I can't face. So hold your breath and make a wish for me. Take me to a better place. Time always seems to be passing by It never waits for me If I could do it all one more time, I wouldn't change a thing. I feel so hollow, I feel so hollow I feel so hollow, I feel so hollow Time to do what's best for me I believe I can change.

another day in the life of aol ~smh~ And people wonder why i stay to myself. I run into an old friend in a chat room that i haven't seen in a year, and spend my time talkin to him, because.. like normal.. within 3 days hes gone again, so i wanted to catch up. Apparently some people didn't like that. Well, ya know, i gave up living my life for others a long time ago. I missed him so i chatted with him, and good thing i did becasue he hasn't been back since, and it will probably be another year before i see him again. My friends are just that.. my friends, wether its been a year since i talked to you or 2 hours. And for those that can't understand that.. i am sorry,but thats the way things are. specially when chatting with him is stress free and game free. We are friends and we know thats what we are. No head games, no oh whats meant by that comment type bs. ~Shrugs~ apparently some don't like that. oh well.. too bad for them.

Take Me Like You Mean It Show me what you've got Tell me what you need Let me be your plaything Come do that dirty deed Whip it out and slam it in Fuck me now, I plead Take me like you mean it Teach me right from wrong Put me at your mercy Make me sing your song Fill me with your juices Sir, it's been so long Shake me like your rag doll Watch me come apart Reach into my velvet place Keep my stolen heart Hold me like your treasure That's my favorite part Whisper to my soul now Pluck me from the ground Melt your flesh into me Impale me on its crown Shower me with your pearls The best I've ever found

life throws you curve balls at the strangest times. Just when you think you have everything figured out, it changes things up on you. It makes you reevaluate yourself and what you need. Sometimes it places something you never knew you were missing right in front of you and hopes you take the hint. And when it thinks you haven't taken the hint, it smacks you upside the head with it. I wonder how many of the little hints i have let pass me by because I was too busy, or to sure of what was going on to even look and see them. Well the newest hint that life has thrown in my path has been a gentle shove so far. So I am looking at it and seeing where it will lead, so that I do not have to get smacked upside the head this time. New friendships start, old ones end. Some people can let go easily, and others have the hardest time understanding that it is time to move on. To those that have had a short brief moment in my life I say, thank you, because for one brief shining moment you brought me some sort of insight or lesson that life thought I needed. And to those Friends who have taken up a permanent place in my life I will say I love you and no matter what life has in store for our future together, may it be we stay on the same road, or our paths split ways, you will always have a space in my life. You are the ones I have learned the most from.

(author is unknown to me) "slut without apologies (where pills fail me)" all right so maybe i like spending most of my time with my hands between my legs maybe i like a little kink with my love maybe i'm happiest when i'm in bed with someone feeling them slam into me hard rough fierce cum and emotions flow with it sticky sweet and tender call me a slut if it'll make you understand or say i'm a free spirit wanna know why i am such a whore? why i succumb to slavery to being sacrificed over and again? because i don't allow myself to express feelings in the canned soup we call life i let myself go bland but in sex in bondage in pure unadulterated fucking i can be me i can cry and scream and let my feelings go i can be helpless and vulnerable and loved and the sweet relief of orgasm tires me out so that i can recover from the intensity of feeling everything i left bottled on forgotten dusty inner shelves the comfort of a warm body next to me makes me realize i'm not alone and i am at last untroubled at peace safe so yes i love sex and i am a kinky little kitten i like my pleasure with a touch of pain i won't apologize and this is why sex allows me to be the person i am within i can fight i can lose and it's all right i can be frail weak and it makes me more desirable i don't want to be an equal i want to be fucked i want to be forced to enjoy myself to let go i want my hair pulled as my cunt is filled with thick hot humanity i want to be slammed into i want to be an animal who is just driven by primal desires reasonable fears and never ever doubt i want to be able to struggle and weep and cry out and yet have my emotions pour out in spite of me there is more therapy in sex than i have ever found in pills and roundabout questions more safety in bondage and leather whips than i ever felt in leather chairs and the bondage of hospitalization sex allows me to be myself purely in the buckled restraints that i strain against in the floggings that burn my skin in the feral way i am fucked there is salvation

4 more days, and i will be another year older. Lots of things have happened in the last year. Some good, some not so good. The last few days some people have asked me if there was anything in the last year that i would change. And honestly, I don't know. There are one or two things I wish had happened differently, but Regret is a wasted emotion, its too late to change it now. And I still stick by my sayin, once i give a piece of my heart, it is forever theirs..... Whether they want it or not is up to them. Life goes on, things change.... The test is keeping what you have, and gettin what you want. And at the moment, I have failed at both. A reminder to those reading this.. tell the ones you care about how you feel at each opportunity you get... Tomorrow may be too late.

Well, let's see. Thinkin it would have been smart of me to leave the past in the past. And left a few people off my buddy list. This back and forth yo-yo crap is done. I am soooo over it. Last time I checked my azz was not a doormat. Some seem to think so. Lets go to her and unload.. then go back to doin the same stuff i was complainin about... how bright is that? I am soooooooo done being a relationship counselor. Hell apparently thats all I am to certain people. Not a true friend as they keep tryin to convince me of. F!@# It the beeotch is back. Ms. Sweet Nice and Caring has been kicked around enough... shes gone. To those of you who have proven to me that i was right to keep my heart hidden instead of lettin you have a chance to break it.... Thank you. I knew I was safer living my way.. all you did was reinforce that fact for me. Alone is best for me... Keepin only a few close... and even of those few.. some must go. Find the happiness within, and you will find the happiness surrounding you, Love yourself before others can love you. A poem that I started and have not finished but still has meaning to me My hearts been Broken, My Souls been Burned, I got too close to the Flame, My lessons been learned Goodbye to the old Friends, Hello to the new