It's all shits and giggles until somebody giggles and shits.

Why is it that all instruments created to find "intelligent life" are pointed "AWAY" from Earth?

I am a ninja. no your not. did you see me do that. do what? exactly.

546,398 Points to go!

Seeking a new friend with benefits. Must meet these qualifications: No strings attached and availability twice a week.

my parents always said i could do anything i set my mind too...and my mind is set to doing you :P

1,001,391 Points to go!

if for only 1 day the answer was YES what would you ask me for?? ask me in my in-box

Emergency call: "911, What is your emergency?" "Two girls are fighting over me!" "So what's the problem sir?" "The ugly one is winning

God made coke. God made Pepsi. God made me, oh so sexy. go made rivers God made lakes God made u, well... we all make mistakes. :P

A man and his wife sitting on the porch and the man said,"I love you." Wife said,"Is that you or the beer talking?" Man said,"That's me talking to my beer" :)

1,615,279 Points to go!

How about instead of making May National Military Appreciation Month how about we ALL take time DAILY to APPRECIATE MILITARY AND THEIR FAMILY!! GOD BLESS ALL!!

I wonder if kids in China ever look at their Happy Meals toys and say "I made this."

party tonight gonna get my whiskey on mmmmmmm can wait

Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids...but now that I'm older I prefer mine in-a-bottle!

headed to work have a good day

I got some very bad news today my uncle passed away r.i.p uncle bry u wil be missed

Just saw something that reminded me of you, don't worry I flushed the toilet.

Women are like hurricanes, they scream like hell when they're cumming and they take everything with them when they leave.