HotGarry's blog: "Drunk"

Dude's, after my divorce I've been lost for the last 6 years.  So after 15 beers, 3 shots of Jager, 2 pints of Vodka, 3 Twinkies and a Snickers bar with a shot of Jack I decided to go on a quest and I figured out it would be a hard one.  After my 16th beer and 8th shot of Jack I decided "Ohh well, I'll take a piss and we'll get this show on the road!"  Unfortunatly my water was shut off, so don't drink the worm... 

So I walked to the door and realized that it's 16 below 0 out there and I lost all my clothes in the damn divorce.  Thats when I came to the conclusion that there's still half a bottle of Jack, 2 beers, a shot of Jager, 3 twinkies and half a snickers bar.  So I looked at the dog, petted her, and let her know I needed to take yet another piss, damn worm.  After I peed in her water bowl, thinking it was my bathroom, forgetting I didn't have one (damn worm again!).  I proceeded to eat the half eaten Snickers bar and another worm.  Then I looked at my dog again and said "Hey babe, can I borrow your bowl again?"  Damn those worms!!!  Who said Jose Quarvo wasn't a god, I couldn't do this without him and his worm! (or worms) Any way too bad it was at the bottom of the bottle. 

After sending my son off to Alaska (only because I was using two shot glasses as binoculars), I then realized I still had two more beers and a roll of toilet paper (I don't know where this ties in but TP is always important and it was there anyway) before I could start my Quest.  I petted the dog and gave her a worm(Thanks Jose!).  She was pleased by this and gave me a big lick across the face (she thought it was my face, thank you worm!) 

Day One and a half:  I put down the empty can, two empty bottles, all the empty candy wrappers, threw away the other Twinkie, and wrapped myself in a towel as I headed for the door (or what I thought was a door, actually a tree fell through the wall, its name was Jake, the door from hell).  So now my dudes, I am off on my Quest.  (Excuse me, I need to pet the dog.) (Okay, I'm back.) 

After all this that you have read, I'm on my Quest to find myself.  If by chance I get back before I return please keep me here.  For if I get back before I return I am shurly one confused and drunk SOB.  Thank you very much.

 

~Garry