georoc01's blog: "Others"

1) His shoelaces are hardly ever untied... 2) Doesn't pick his nose in public... 3) Has never put a red shirt in with the whites... 4) He is always nice... 5) When getting off an elevator at a 20+ story building, he doesn't push all the buttons so everyone has to stop at every floor... 6) Elvis is dead and Bob Saget is married; who's left... 7) Reads National Geographic, and not just for the nude pictures... 8) His picking a fight with an inanimate object is quite uncommon... 9) Hasn't wet his bed for months now... 10) Has his own 'Captain Kirk' coffee mug... 11) Has never smuggled tinker toys onto an international flight... 12) Doesn't turn into a werewolf during full moons... 13) He hardly ever slurps when drinking soup... 14) There is a refreshing absence of monsters under his bed these days... 15) Always manages to resist the urge to poke sharp objects into his ear on the first date... 16) As of yet, has never overlooked the importance of regular, continuous breathing... 17) Is only mere words away from completing a New York Times crossword puzzle he began in 1981... 18) He is not an alien from another dimension bent on World destruction... 19) Played no part in the Cuban Missile Crisis... 20) Has never been Captain of, nor been aboard, the Exxon Valdez... 21) Never pees in someone else's sink... 22) Makes excellent use of his spare time... 23) DOES NOT OVERUSE THE CAPSLOCK KEY... ;-/ 24) He subscribes to the theory that the world is round... 25) He does not make fun of Boutros-Boutros Ghali's name unnecessarily... 26) Is mixing up 'dessert' and 'desert' less and less every day... 27) He found Waldo... 28) Has never passed out on any world leader's front lawn... 29) Has never been fired by George Steinbrenner... 30) Cried at the end of John Steinbeck's 'Of Mice and Men'... 31) Has never found rude shapes in clouds... 32) Tries not to giggle when he cuts one... 33) Has never blatantly misused a blender... 34) Rarely blacks out for more than a few seconds... 35) Makes a real effort not to spit when he talks... 36) Can be easily entertained for hours with simple, one-piece toys... 37) Doesn't scrape his vegetables onto his grandmother's plate when no one is looking... 38) Wears male undergarments...(but is willing to change)... 39) Has never been struck by lightning while simultaneously being hit by a falling meteorite... 40) Is not fooled when given poisoned candy on Halloween... 41) Has never been involved in the shipment of plutonium to Germany... 42) Has never opened fire on an innocent group of unarmed people.... 43) Did not mastermind Julius Caesar's death; that was Cassias... 44) The sources which publicized his involvement in the Iran-Contra scandal were unreliable... 45) It is increasingly rare that he makes obscene phone calls to Bea Arthur... 46) Had no trouble committing his phone number to memory... 47) Refuses to play 'let's hide grandma's teeth'... 48) Rarely stares directly at the sun... 49) Has never dumped in his pants while sliding into 2nd base... 50) Has never broken into a bear's home and eaten all his porridge... 51) Has never given the bird to a lady over age 60... 52) So far, has never resorted to cannibalism... 53) Has never exploited the tradition of mistletoe to kiss his aunt... 54) Never stares at someone's wart for more than 2-3 minutes... 55) Has never caused a traffic accident because he was fixing his make-up... 56) Has no communicable diseases... 57) No tyrannical system of government is named after him... 58) Has no plans to ever give the Pope a wedgie... 59) Was completely uninvolved in the trade that sent Doug Gilmour away for Gary Leeman... 60) Never rings doorbells and then runs away before they answer...(knock and run)... 61) Hard as it may be to believe, he has never lost a pole vault competition...(first thing in the morning)... 62) Never forgets his bug spray when going out into the woods... 63) Has never pulled the football away from Charlie Brown... 64) Very rarely ties cans to a cat's tail... 65) Hardly ever referred to as 'infernal'... 66) Has never suffered from lockjaw... 67) Recognizes Xenon as a noble gas... 68) Excellent at making Polls... 69) Would give up his appendix for the right woman... 70) Great with kids; even better with roast beef... 71) Holds the record for the highest spot on the cafeteria wall he got his cheese to stick to in grade six... 72) Has never hit a silver-medalist in the knee with a club... 73) Holds the record for the highest urination on the toilet wall... 74) Has never gambled away a girlfriend in Las Vegas, as well as many other places in the world... 75) Has managed so far not to decapitate himself... 76) Gets fewer and fewer 'ice-cream headaches'... 77) Wouldn't smoke nor drink while pregnant... 78) Has always managed to avoid being a victim of a 'piledriver'... 79) Has never locked himself inside a car... 80) Has never played a mean trick on Smokey the Bear... 81) Does not use cruel mouse traps... 82) Has never let Frank Sinatra down... 83) Contrary to popular belief, does not comb his hair with a fork... 84) Has never attempted to dance naked in a Jerry Lewis Telethon... 85) Very rarely has delusions of God... 86) Never placed a bet with Pete Rose... 87) It's been over a year since he last got his neck tangled in a telephone cord... 88) Can sing "Frere Jacques" much better than Jean-Luc Picard... 89) Rarely eats paste between meals... 90) Is not the ominous voice in Mortal Kombat which says 'FINISH HIM!' just before a fatality... 91) Usually remembers to take the shell off of an egg before eating it... 92) Tied Jose Canseco in home runs last week... 93) Was nowhere near the grassy knoll November 22nd 1963... 94) Often resists the powerful temptation to shave rude swear words in his hair... 95) And when he just can't resist, it's usually shaved somewhere where you can't see it... 96) Has managed to overcome a long-lasting desire to clean toasters in a bath-tub... 97) At Speedy, he's a somebody... 98) At a touch of a button, can have a pizza delivered to him personally in under 30 minutes... 99) Unlike Vincent Van Gogh, would not chop off his ear for a girl... 100) Enjoys better table manners than John Belushi... 101) Is (marginally) more popular with feminists than Rush Limbaugh... 102) If it came right down to it, he could beat the pants off of Steven Hawking in a fair fight... 103) Would never forget to clean the microwave after having placed a small rodent inside... 104) The rumors of his involvement in the Chernobyl crisis are mostly unfounded... 105) No longer bears a grudge against Santa Claus for failing to deliver an automatic rifle in Christmas of '80... 106) Come on, he's not *that* much of an eyesore... 107) Is heterosexual, unmarried and has a pulse... Ok, give me 107 reasons why you/she wouldn't...