ThatDGAFChick's blog: "This is me"

So today me and my family had to deal with something that no one should go through but they do. Today I had to sit my ass in a waiting room, and wait for a doctor to come out and tell me if the main man in my life has cancer or not.

Unfourtanetly a few months ago my Grandfather and his doctor noticed that he had blood in his stool. This lead to a lot of test and then of course today when he had a colonoscopy done. His docotor had been worried that it was cancer but he wasnt to sure....

So today as I sat in the waiting room it took me back to 3 years ago around this time when i was doing the same exact thing except it was my grandmother. We were not so lucky with her..She was diagnosed in july of 06 and was gone by that october.....I have yet to deal with her death yet. I still cannot accept losing my best friend...So needless to say today I was a wreck. Couldnt stop crying yet I knew I had to prepare myself for whichever way the situation would come out. No matter how hard it would be.

When that docotor came out those doors my heart stopped beating and i stopped breathing and all I could think was "this is it"....I could have kissed that docotor when he told us that my gramps was ok..there was something but he scraped it off and everything was gonna be ok. He was 100% cancer free.

I know that the health scares are not over...My grandpa is 78 years old and has lived a great life. But I know he's tired. I guess in my own selfish way I cannot stand the thought of losing him ever. Which will make it even harder when that day does come. But like a friend said" even if he is gone you still have to go on living"....and he is right, even if i have all that hurt inside of me......

I just wanna tell Jo thanks for being awesome and letting me vent...thanks for understanding the hurt...your one in a million to me and I hope u know that. And that I am incredibly lucky to have a nice decent guy like you in my life!! Much love to you babe!!

And for all my other fu friends for letting me vent and cry my eyes out. You guys fucking rock!!