hearts hearts Sexy Caramel hearts hear...'s blog: "today sucks"

I have decide that the reason that I am still not in any kind of a relationship has got to be me. I thought that I was ready to start dating again after I got back home but I guess I wasn't really. Also I have been attracting alot of no good for nothings lately and I'm starting to get tired of the bullshit. I don't really want to be single anymore but I'm tired of looking. Most of my friends are either married or in relationships, so therefore I have no one to go out with to find new dating options. It sucks. I now have an idea of why I stayed in a crappy relationship for 4 years...........because dating SUCKS especially when you are like me, shy around people you don't know and not likely to be the first to start a conversation with someone you think is interesting. And the transfer at my job and her boyfriend playing kissy face in front of everyone does not help things. The two of them make them sick. I'll admit that I may even be a little bit jealous. Seeing the two of them makes me realize some of what I'm missing. It also causes me to feel like there is no hope for me. I have 3 failed engagements in my past, nothing remotely promising in my present and the possibility of following in my moms footsteps and being 37 when I finally get married in my future.......and the idea of that scares me. And makes me sad. I don't want that. I want to be a part of a couple and be able to make someone as happy as they make me. When will my chance for this come? I don't know. Does anybody else have the answer?

So I had a fender bender last week. OK. Well today the other parties insurance company calls me and tells me that they won't be covering the repairs on my car because they have a statement from a witness stating that this girl was already out in the aisle and turning her wheels to leave when I hit her. So I was at fault. Excuse me. Where the fuck did this person come from. I knew nothing about any witnesses. Why didn't this person come up to the both of us and say I saw what happened when I was there? Why did she wait until fter I left to leave her contact info with just the other if she was in a rush? She couldn't have been in too big of a hurry to wait 5 mins for me to leave and then come up and say I saw what happened. This sounds all kinds of fishy to me, that a witness should suddenly appear out of thin air that said nothing to me, when I didn't see anyone around when the other party and I were exchanging information. Is it just me who sees something wrong with this?

still feeling kinda down today. i sulked and watched movies that gave me a reason to cry last night. trying to cheer up. one of my friends refused to let me be sad today and forced me to leave the house. boo her. i didn't want to go outdoors. she sucks. i know that i'm whining and i'm sorry that you guys have to suffer through this but i have to get it off my chest. if only you knew my dating misfortunes of the last year and a half. i guess you could say this blog will be partly my daily journal and partly for fun stuff. i think i'm gonna be following in my mom's footsteps and not get married til i'm 37. gonna be a long 9 yrs. hopefully not a long celibate 9 yrs.

So today I get a Dear Jane IM. The guy I've been talking to since before my deployment decides to tell me through an IM that he has been talking to his ex since he's been in Iraq and they are getting back together. So the person I've spent the last 11 months worrying about has called it quits on me right before he comes home. That's just great. Did I buy new lingerie for this? I have the worst luck known to man with men. I'm honestly thinking about not dating anymore. It doesn't do me any good anyway. The story of my life is I always pick the guys who are no good for me and I let the good ones go. What's a girl to do?