Lady Nadine's blog: "To Break the Cycle"

Last Friday I went to court with my ex husband.... to say this decision was easy is far from the truth as I never wanted it to go this far..

The History...

I got married and stayed married for nearly 10 years for the sake of my children.  The man I married was controlling, abusive and cruel.  It was so hard to break the cycle of abuse that I had not only been subjected to throughout my marriage but my entire life in one way or another.  As a mother, I did not want my sons to think the was I was being treated was okay or my daughter to some day find a partner who abused her.  I left.  Oh, but I was punished severely for that choice but I chose not to retaliate for the sake of my children.  My ex comes from a large family who has always taken care of him since the death of their parents.  Nothing will ever be "his fault" because it will always be one excuse or another.

I walked away from our marriage with nothing more than my few personal belongings and my vehicle.  He threatened to take away the children, my retirement and anything else because I chose to stand up to him and say, "no more".  In order to keep my children out of the whole mess.  I let him keep the home and whatever else he demanded.

I got remarried.  I got remarried to a man that remains to this day, beyond my wildest dreams.  I often ask myself, "what did I do to deserve such a gift?"  This man has stood by me through the fall out of my divorce.  Because even though I was no longer married to this man, I continued to let him control me.  You see, I guess I never really did get away. 

Bit by bit he made more demands and I conceded, thinking it was for the best not to fight.  Best for who? Not for me.  Not for my dear husband.  Not for my children.  I was still suffocated by that fear.  Finally, I was challenged by him.  The words, "what are you going to do about it?"  echoed in my head.  But, I did do something this time.  I went back to court.  I said, "no more".

I prayed to the Goddess to grant the judge wisdom and provide justice where justice was deserved.  I asked her to help me take back the power that I surrendered so long ago. 

The judge, in his wisdom, gave me back my power.  The Goddess said to me, "now that you have it back, what are you going to do with it?"

While I don't have that answer yet.  What I do know is that I will share it with my children, my husband and loved ones and anyone else who needs it.

Ironically, now that the judges decision has been made I've been innundated with emails from my ex's family proclaiming what a horrible person I am.  I guess that bothered me at first, as I have never shared with anyone in his family the abuse and cruelty I endured at his hands.  Now.  They are just words.  I take a deep breath.  I look into the sleeping faces of my children.  I cradle the power that has been graciously restored to me.

and I break the cycle.